Not ANOTHER Crossover Fic!
by Shadow Jaganshi
Summary: This one's Wolf's Rain-YYH. Tsume and Kiba, the poor guys, end up in the past, and meet Hiei the little gang of lunatics we all know and... er... love? Just your basic stupid crossover fic. :D
1. Meet the Lunatic

**You don't even wanna know what little thing popped into my head that made me decide to write a Wolf's Rain crossover... But here it is. I wasn't gonna post it until I finished it, but I need some FEEDBACK on chapter two, some OPINIONS and smart people to DECIDE STUFF FOR ME. Well, they don't have to be smart. They can just be drooling, obsessed fans of mine who worship me because of the sublim-- I mean, because of my wonderful writing skills... -shifty eyes-**

**CHAPTER ONE  
**Meet the Lunatic

"Damn it, where did they go to?"

A white-haired man in tight black leather walked through the forest. He was alone, and though he usually seemed to like it that way, now that he had absolutely no idea where his 'pack' was, he wanted to get back to them as soon as he could.

_It's all the stupid humans' fault. If they hadn't attacked us, we wouldn't have had to break apart like that. Damn, stupid humans._

"There'll be no more of that!"

Tsume stopped dead. He hadn't even scented this woman, this raggedy, wrinkly old woman who barely came up to his waist. She was hobbling towards him now, looking up at him from under her hood.

_What the heck is this senile old lady--_

"Senile, am I?!" she cackled. Tsume looked at her, wide-eyed.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"So they're 'damn, stupid humans,' are they? Well--"

"Tsume!"

At the sound of Kiba's voice, Tsume turned his head. The black-haired boy ran towards him, stopping a few feet away when he saw the old lady.

"Who is that?"

"I don't know," Tsume said. "Where are the others?"

"LISTEN TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" the old lady screamed with a frighteningly loud and demanding voice, despite the fact that it still sounded like it was coming from an old lady. Tsume and Kiba stared. "That's better."

"You, young man, will regret your thoughts," she continued.

"What?"

"Tsume, what is she--"

"BE QUIET AND LISTEN TO ME, YOUNG PEOPLE!" She pulled a cloth from her pocket and dabbed her forehead, looking rather exhausted. "Now... You are wolves, so I understand how you feel towards humans. But I will prove to you that humans were not always bad!"

Now all the pair could do was stare at this lady, as she was really, really freaking the both of them out.

_How did she know what I was thinking?_

"Eh heh heh..." the woman chuckled. "I'm a witch."

"A witch?" Tsume said skeptically.

"Yes. And now you'll see that in the past, humans weren't as bad as they are now. And Earth wasn't such a bad place."

"What are you--"

"YOU'LL SEE!" she screeched, laughing. A strange warmth flooded Tsume's body, and an odd tingle started up his legs.

"What are you doing?!" Kiba asked. It was obvious he was feeling the same thing as Tsume by the panic in his voice.

Of course, so cliché, before he got an answer, he collapsed. Tsume kneeled over, already slipping into unconsciousness before he hit the ground.

"WOLVES! AHHHHHH!"

Tsume's eyes shot open.

"They must have escaped from the zoo!"

"Why would they be lying on a sidewalk then?"

"I don't know! Wolves are just big dogs! They're stupid!"

Tsume growled, stirring.

"Oh my God! Wolves carry rabies! Keep it away from me!"

"Why aren't they doing anything? They're awake!"

"Maybe they're sick."

"THEY HAVE RABIES! AHHHH!"

"Shut up!"

Tsume felt Kiba move behind him.

"It's gonna attack!"

A new voice joined the other three.

"Aww, they're so pretty..."

"THEY'RE DANGEROUS! THEY HAVE RABIES!"

"Shut _up_!"

The crowd grew.

"Somebody call the zoo! Or the police! Or animal control!"

Kiba stood. Tsume followed his example. The "wolves carry rabies" voice screamed, a piercing scream that hurt the wolves' ears. That set them off. Kiba in the lead, as usual, the two tore through the crowd and down the sidewalk. Tsume's mind was racing.

_What did that lady do? Where are we? If this is some kind of attempt to make me see humans aren't all bad..._ He glanced over his shoulder. Several people were chasing them, a few in uniform, others were mere peasants. _...then her attempt is not going to work._

Kiba turned into an alley and Tsume followed, both instantly reverting to their human disguises.

"What's going on?!" Kiba asked.

"I don't know."

"Who was that woman?"

"I don't know."

The crowd was drawing nearer. Kiba and Tsume ducked out of sight just as the mob tore through the alley. Luckily, it wasn't a dead end. Once the last human had vanished, they stepped out and looked at each other, both having a hint of confusion and fear on their faces, no matter how they tried to hide it.

"What now, Kiba?"

"I don't know. Let's get out of here."

They walked through alleys, mostly, to avoid notice. It seemed like an eternity before they reached the outskirts of the city. They walked with less tension, but were still cautious for any unwanted attention.

However, it seems that today isn't their day. Or maybe it is...

Walking down the sidewalk as they were, it was hard for them to avoid notice when the noticer was blocking their path.

A teenage girl was lying on the sidewalk, not moving any more than it took to breathe. Tsume started to cross to the opposite side of the street to avoid her, but Kiba's sense of... whatever... sent him forward to her side. Now, that "sense of whatever" was a bad sense, as it just led this wolf into a whole new world of doom, a world from which there is a small chance of escape.

"Kiba..." Tsume growled. The boy ignored him and knelt down beside her. She seemed fine. No injuries... It looked like she was lying on the sidewalk sleeping for the fun of it.

"Hey... Are you okay?" Kiba asked.

The girl opened one eye. "Okay? Hey, who're you? Yeah I'm okay."

"...Oh."

There was a pause.

"Are you wondering why I'm lying on the sidewalk like this if I'm perfectly fine?"

Kiba didn't say anything, but he didn't move, either.

"Well then... It's a long story, really, and you'd have no idea what I was talking about, because you don't know me, so I'll just tell you this: I'm stuck."

"Stuck?"

"Yeah. I can't get up."

"..."

"Can you help me up?"

Kiba had been preoccupied talking to this girl, but Tsume had noticed as a short, spikey-haired, black-clad man walked across the yard of the house they'd stopped in front of, headed towards them. Now this little guy was right beside Kiba.

"Shadow," he said dryly (FROM THIS POINT ON, DOOM ENSUES). The girl on the sidewalk looked up at him. "Get up, right now."

"I can't."

"You can't," he stated dryly.

"I can't," Shadow confirmed. He reached down, grabbed her wrist, and jerked her to her feet. "Ow!"

"Okay, now leave these poor people alone." He started to drag her away, but she had somehow gotten a firm grip on Kiba's wrist, and she would not let go. He tugged on her arm so hard she _and_ Kiba both about fell over.

"Hiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!" she whined.

"Let go, Shadow."

"Nyah!"

Hiei sighed and let go of her wrist, then walked to where she'd attached herself to Kiba and tried prying her hand off. She wouldn't let go no matter what he did. Meanwhile, Kiba's hand was turning colors from circulation cut-off.

"Let _go_, Shadow," Hiei ordered. Kiba and Tsume were completely silent through this all, having no idea what to do about these two odd people.

"Hmmmmm... Wait a second. I never got you guys's names," she said, looking at Kiba and Tsume.

"If they tell you, will you let go of him?" Hiei asked. Shadow nodded vigorously. Hiei sighed and looked expectantly at Kiba.

"I'm Kiba."

They all turned their gazes to Tsume.

"Just tell her. She's harmless," Hiei said, instantly reading the look on his face. Shadow punched him in the head.

"Harmless, am I?"

"Shut up, Shadow."

"His name is Tsume," Kiba said. Tsume glared. Shadow got a broad grin on her face. Then she squinted at the leather-clad man.

"Hmm... You're not quite _human_, are you?"

"What makes you say that?" Kiba asked.

"He's got _gold eyes_!"

"_You've_ got red eyes."

"And I'm not human."

"What?" Kiba said, startled.

"Shadow, shut up and let go of his wrist!" Hiei snapped when Shadow opened her mouth. She looked at her hand, still firmly grasping Kiba's wrist. With an innocent smile, she let go.

"Sorry 'bout that."

Kiba shook his hand to get the blood flow going and, massaging his wrist, looked Shadow over.

"So what are you, then?"

"Half demon."

"Demon! What?!" Tsume said, startled. Hiei'd given up on controlling Shadow ages ago and was quietly standing with his arms crossed, waiting for her to do whatever she was gonna do.

"Yeah. So what're _you_?" Shadow asked suspiciously.

There was a pause, as Tsume was definitely not going to answer.

"Where are we?" Kiba asked, making Shadow cut off her glaring competition with Tsume.

"Tokyo, Japan," Hiei answered. Kiba and Tsume exchanged glances.

"Lemme guess, you've never heard of it?" Shadow said, suddenly not a stupid girl anymore. She sighed. "Why do all the victims of tears in time and space always end up meeting _me_? Why couldn't they end up on Bob-down-the-street's doorstep? Why _me_?"

"Tears in time and space?" Tsume asked, cutting her off.

"We're in 2004. Now either you are not from this time, or you're from some dimension in which Tokyo, Japan, doesn't exist. Am I right?"

"2004?!"

Shadow turned to Hiei. "I'm right."

He sighed. She turned back to the two thoroughly confused wolves. "You need somewhere to stay, right?"

"_Stay_?!" Tsume said.

"Until we can get you back to your own time, of course. Do you need somewhere to stay?"

"..."

"Of course you do!" she said cheerfully. "Come along! You'll stay with me." She grabbed their wrists and had them halfway to her porch before they got over their surprise and noticed they were being dragged.

"Hey!" Tsume yelped, digging in his heels and stopping Shadow dead.

"Come on! I'm not going to kill you! Whatever you are, unless you hurt me or kill me or really piss me off, you're safe. You could be Satan and as long as you stayed on my good side, I'd be perfectly hospitable! Come on, guys!" Shadow tugged on his wrist, but it didn't do any good.

"Com on, Tsume," Kiba said. "She's just trying to help."

Tsume glared. "You're too damn trusting, Kiba. Or are you just following your instinct on this, too?"

Shadow stared cluelessly as the two glared at each other. Finally, Hiei brought the group out of their trances. He walked up to Shadow and stopped.

"I like how you consulted me about bringing in two strangers you met on the street."

"What does it matter if I consult you?" Shadow asked.

"I don't know, I only _live here_."

"See? It's not important, since you _only_ live here."

"Shadow!"

"I _own_ the house."

"Actually, the fox paid for it."

"Sort of. But I live here."

"So do I!"

"So?"

Kiba cleared his throat suddenly and the two fire demons stopped tearing off each others' faces to look at him.

"Right! Come on, strange guys I met on the street. We'll talk inside."

Kiba and Tsume followed, the latter a bit more reluctantly. Hiei brought up the rear, muttering. He raised his voice.

"So, Shadow, how do you know these two aren't psycho murderers?"

"I don't!" she answered simply with a cheerful smile over her shoulder. Hiei sighed.

A few hours later, they'd made little progress. They'd established that Kiba and Tsumè were from the future, and that Tsume's clothes were really tight. That's it.

I guess I should elaborate on that last thing, so your minds don't wander...

"So... _when_ are you from?" Shadow asked.

"The future, it seems..."

"Really? What's it like in the future?"

"Not good."

"At least we don't have to put up with any annoying little things like you, though," Tsume added.

"What's that supposed to mean, Mister Skanky Outfit?"

"_What_?"

"Your clothes are so tight it should be illegal!"

Twitch.

When Eclipse walked in at her usual time after school, she wasn't the least bit surprised to see Shadow and Hiei sitting at the dining table with two strangers in the next room. She'd seen so many strangers in Shadow's house, she could have walked in on a kidnapping/rape (Shadow being the victim, of course), and she would have only been mildly surprised.

She pulled up a chair between Shadow and Kiba. "So'd you hear the news?" she asked.

"Nope."

"They said earlier today they found a couple wolves in the middle of the city. They--"

"WOLFIES?!" Shadow screeched. Kiba and Tsume flinched.

"Yeah..." Eclipse said after recovering. "Said they must have escaped from the zoo or something..."

"There's a zoo here? Did they catch them? WOLFIES! EEEEE!!!"

"Yes, there's a zoo not far from here, and no, they didn't catch them. So who're these guys?"

"Wolfies! There's wolfies running around Tokyo! Squeal!"

Eclipse sighed and turned to Hiei. "So who are they?"

"Some guys Shadow met on the street."

"Whoa! What?! How the hell often does Shadow bring home guys she meets on the street? When did she meet them? What was she doing with them?!" Eclipse said, horrified.

"I'M NOT A PROSTITUTE!" Shadow snapped, punching Eclipse in the head.

"Owww..."

Shadow looked mad for about a half a split second more, then a giant smile spread across her face and she squealed, remembering the "wolfies" that were supposedly running loose in Tokyo but were really sitting in her living room staring at her.

Hige and Toboe had been reunited shortly after the humans had attacked them, and were now wandering through the forest, searching for the other two.

"I don't even smell them now," Toboe said nervously. "Where could they be?"

"I don't know, but we're gonna find them."

Heh heh. Sure they are...

Kurama showed up shortly after Eclipse, and he wasn't surprised to see the strangers either. He gave Shadow a disapproving look before going upstairs to talk to Hiei.

Only Kuwabara, when he showed up with Yusuke, had any real reaction.

"WHO'RE _THEY_? WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE SO MANY OTHER GUYS IN YOUR HOUSE? AREN'T YOU AFRAID YOU'LL MAKE HIEI JEALOUS?"

"Baka."

"WHAT?!"

"Well it's not like I'm having a relationship with them! I barely even know their names! They've only been here since noon or something! Stupid boy!"

Shadow then glanced around at the people scattered around her house. "Lessee... Me, Eclipse, Hiei... Kurama, Yusuke, Kuwabara... Kiba... and Tsume. That's nine."

"That's eight, Shadow," Eclipse corrected, sprawled on the couch reading one of her many manga.

"No! Nine!"

"Eight."

"Nine!"

"Eight! Shut up!"

"YOU SHUT UP, I'M RIGHT! IT'S EIGHT!"

"_That's what I said, stupid!_"

"No, you said it was nine."

"No, that was you, Shadow."

And out of nowhere, Hiei appeared and clobbered them both.

"It's eight. Shut up, both of you."

"Eight! I'm not fixing dinner for eight people!" Shadow said.

"You're planning on fixing dinner? You can't do that! We don't want to _kill_ the guests!" Hiei said, horrified.

"Shut up, Hiei! Let's see you cook better!"

"I said I don't want to kill them!"

"So you admit I'm a better cook?"

"No, I admit we're both horrible cooks."

"Ah. HEY KURAMA, FIX DINNER!" Shadow shouted.

"No!" the fox shouted back.

Shadow sulked into the living room and stood inches in front of Tsume, looking up at him. "What do you want for dinner, Mister Future Guy?"

Tsume pushed her away with one finger. "I can get my own food."

"Heh heh. Who knows. We people may be obsolete and ancient, and you have no idea how to operate anything in this century," Shadow said, crossing her arms.

"Get away from me," Tsume said after a second. Shadow glared as he walked down the hall. After a second of contemplation, she ran after him and jumped onto his back, wrapping her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist.

"You've got some good manners there for your host, haven't you!"

Tsume somehow dislodged her and flipped her over his shoulder to the ground.

"Oof!" she said.

But he wasn't getting away that easy. Shadow had latched onto his wrist the same way she'd latched onto Kiba earlier.

"Apologize, Future Guy!"

"Let go of me."

"Not 'til you apologize."

Tsume growled. Shadow's annoyed look turned into a look of confused innocence.

"What are you?" she asked abruptly.

"SHADOW!" Hiei snapped.

"Hello, Peace Keeper!"

"Let go of him! Would you just leave these guys alone? You're supposed to be the generous host!"

"Well this guy's got some really shitty manners for a guest!"

"Maybe that's cuz you're a shitty host! Now let go!"

"Or what?"

"Or I'll sic Youko on you!"

"Ooh scary," Shadow said.

Mind you, through all this, she's still lying on her back on the floor hanging onto Tsume's wrist for dear life... Which really wasn't helping her life. In fact, if she held on much longer, she would probably end up dying. Which would end her life and in that way, it would be really bad for her life. Ya. That.

"Yeah, you know it's 'ooh scary,'" Hiei snapped. "You're just too stupid to admit it."

"I'm not afraid of some stupid fox!"

"Why do you call him a fox?" Tsume asked abruptly. He'd apparently given up straining against Shadow's grip, because now he was just standing there with one hand on his hip, listening to the "conversation" between the two fire demons.

Shadow's face went blank, like the answer was the most obvious thing in the world, and answered simply, "Because he is."

"He's a fox?"

"Spirit fox. Fox demon. HEY YOUKO!" Shadow hollered.

"Shadow!" Hiei snapped.

But, of course, Youko had been summoned, and managed to somehow persuade Kurama to let him out (it wasn't really all that difficult, cuz Kurama doesn't really bother controlling him anymore). A moment later, the fox walked around the corner and stared at Tsume with a raised eyebrow.

"Hello," he said.

"See! A fox!" Shadow said. She's still lying on the floor, by the way.

"What did you want, Shadow?" Youko asked, kneeling next to her.

"Just to show you off."

"'Show me off?'"

"Yeah. No! Tsume wanted to know why I call Kurama 'fox' all the time."

"Uh-huh. And?"

"Nothing."

"Tsume, huh?" Youko stood up.

"Yup. He's got gold eyes."

"So I noticed."

"Um... Shadow?" Hiei said, interrupting the small talk (much to Tsume's relief).

"Hail-oh," Shadow said (variation on 'hello').

"Get off the floor, let go of Tsume's wrist, and go fix dinner."

"YES, YOUR ROYALTYNESS!" Shadow said, letting go of Tsume (who instantly stepped back, massaging his wrist) and crawling on her knees to Hiei. "I SHALL OBEY YOUR EVERY COMMAND, EVEN IF IT REQUIRES ME TO THINK! YOU ARE THE ALL-MIGHTY CONTROLLER! YOU HAVE BRAINWASHED ME INTO BELIEVING THIS! I SHALL FIX DINNER!"

And she promptly ran away. Tsume, Youko, and Eclipse (who had been standing nearby watching all this) stared at Hiei with wide eyes.

"What did you _do_ to her?" Eclipse asked. Hiei smirked slightly.

"Oh, nothing... I'll go see what she's gonna make..."

"You mean you'll go tell her what to make..." Youko muttered.

"Something like that." Hiei walked away with a slight smile on his face.

"Wait..." Tsume muttered. "What was that?"

"Exactly what she said. He brainwashed her," Eclipse said, sounding clueless.

"But..."

Youko chuckled. "As I'm sure you've realized, we're not normal humans. Everybody here, except for you, your friend, and that baka orange-haired Kuwabara, are at least partially demons. Myself and Hiei are pure demons. Shadow, Eclipse, and Yusuke are half breeds. Hiei had a third eye implanted years ago that gives him psychic powers, and he can control humans and weak demons. Shadow is neither, but her mind isn't exactly... normal. So, he can control her. And he does."

Tsume stared. Youko looked him over for a minute.

"You aren't either."

"What?"

"You're not human."

"You said I was just a moment ago," Tsume said, hiding his uneasiness.

"No, I said you're not a demon. You're something else. The disguise you use to fool human minds can't fool mine," Youko said. Eclipse stared cluelessly.

"What the heck are you talking about, Youko?" she said.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen...

"Hey Shadow."

"YES, YOUR ROYALTYNESS? WHAT DO YOU ASK OF ME? I AM YOUR SLAVE UNTIL MY USEFULNESS EXPIRES."

"I just wanted to ask what you had planned for dinner."

"OH. WELL, I WAS THINKING OF FIXING SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR OUR GUESTS. AND YOU, TOO, OF COURSE, YOUR ROYALTYNESS. I LIVE TO SERVE YOU."

Somebody coughed from the doorway. Hiei and Shadow glanced back to see Kiba and Yusuke.

"Yeah... Ri-i-i-ight. I didn't just hear that," Yusuke said, one eyebrow raised.

"You didn't?" Hiei asked innocently.

"So, Hiei, what are you ordering for dinner?"

"Well, I was gonna take peoples' votes... What do you want, Kiba?"

"I don't care... Why is she acting like that?"

"She's being controlled," Yusuke said.

"Controlled? Who's controlling her?"

"There's no need to sound so concerned," Hiei said. "I'm not going to _hurt_ her."

"_You_? How?"

"Have Kurama explain it," Yusuke and Hiei said in unison. Kiba looked confused.

"What does it _sound_ like I'm talking about?" Youko asked.

"Well if he's not human and he's not a demon, what's he? An alien?" Eclipse asked.

"Nope."

"Well then... WHAT THE HECK IS HE? Are you _sure_ he's not human? He looks pretty human to me..."

"Hiei noticed it too... Tsume's a wolf."

"A wolf? You're kidding. He looks nothing like a wolf. Well, yeah, he's got gold eyes... But that doesn't make him a wolf."

"Come on, Tsume. Lose the disguise," Youko said, crossing his arms.

Tsume glared. _What the hell are these people? Demons? I don't believe in that shit. How did they know about me? We've gotta get out of here. Past or not, humans and wolves can never live together._

"I'll go talk to Kiba, then..." Youko muttered.

Tsume watched the silver-haired man walk away.

_How can I not believe it when it's obvious? Normal humans don't have fox characteristics... Who is he?_

"So, are you _really_ a wolf?"

He'd forgotten about Eclipse.

"Get lost, girl."

"Well that's not nice!"

"I'm not nice."

"You know, you sound exactly like Shadow."

"Shut up."

"You know, it is a little suspicious... Two wolves found, two men show up at Shadow's... Then Youko, the genius fox-man, says you're a wolf. There's got to be something to this..." Eclipse muttered, more to herself than the man in front of her. He snorted and walked away. Eclipse, however, continued muttering.

Meanwhile again...

Shadow was slaving over a hot oven and sink and microwave and toaster and toaster oven and freezer-- Okay, wait, freezers aren't hot. Sinks can be hot, if you fill them with boiling water.

"DINNER IS ALMOST READY, OH GREAT LORD AND MASTER!"

"Good job, Shadow."

"GASP! HIS ROYALTYNESS HAS COMPLIMENTED ME! I AM--"

"Stupid," Hiei finished for her. "Just finish dinner."

"YES, YOUR ROYALTYNESS."

Meanwhile yet again, elsewhere...

"Kiba."

"Huh?"

"I don't like this place. I think we should leave."

"Leave? Why?"

"These people are strange. There's nobody like them. I have a bad feeling."

"Are you sure it's a bad feeling and not just a strange feeling?"

"Kiba!"

"I admit, they're different. But give them a chance."

"I have. They can see through our disguises."

"What?!"

"No joke. We have to get out of here."

"Tsume--"

"Going somewhere, gentlemen?"

The wolves looked up to see Youko. He put an arm around their shoulders.

"There's nothing wrong with wolves."

"What are you?!" Kiba asked.

"We aren't wolves," Tsume snapped.

"No use in lying, Tsume. I can see right through it."

Then, a voice pulled all three out of their little discussion.

"DINNER!!!!"

Shadow stared at the huge meal laid out on the table.

"... How'd this get here?"

Hiei snickered. Shadow's eyes got wide and froze on him.

"_HIEI JAGANSHI!_"

Ooooh, no. Have they discovered the secret of the wolves? Will Tsume and Kiba be forced to run and hide in the nearly-endless forest around Shadow's house? Will they ever make it back to their time? Will they _want_ to make it back to their own time, after seeing what it's like in the past? And what about Hige and Toboe? TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR THE NEXT INSTALLMENT OF THIS-- AAAAACK.

Pardon me, but the narrator has tragically died. Come back later and there won't be a giant mess of blood all over the walls from his sudden demise...

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

**Lovely, isn't it. Now REVIEW THIS CHAPTER, AND THE NEXT ONE, AND THE ONE AFTER THAT WHEN I GET IT UP! OR YOU WILL SUFFER AND I WON'T CARE! MUWAHA! MY GENETICALLY ENGINEERED MINIONS WILL FIND YOU! YOU CAN'T RUN, AND YOU CAN'T HIDE!   
(Because your shoe laces are tied together and I put a tracking device in that soda you just drank...)**


	2. Meet the Family

**CHAPTER TWO  
**Meet the "Family"

Youko led the two wolves into the dining room, where Yusuke and Kuwabara were already watching a scene of carnage in front of them. Shadow was chasing Hiei around waving a fork and a meat cleaver, screaming something extremely high-pitched and in some odd language that she'd probably just made up on the spot.

Eclipse wandered in a second later, looked at the two fire demons, shrugged, and sat down at the table, taking advantage of everybody's divided attention to stack her plate so full that stuff was falling off it. Then she got up and walked out of the room, up to her room, and nobody was any the wiser.

Finally, the next time Shadow ran past, Tsume stuck his foot out and sent her tumbling into the wall.

"Oof!" she said. She looked up at the group, who was staring at her, then at Hiei, standing nearby panting. "Y'know, that's the second time Tsume has managed to get me on my back on the floor."

Everybody blinked and looked at him. He glared. Shadow rolled up into a handstand, then dropped into a kneel and stood up.

"I WENT THROUGH ALL THE TROUBLE TO FIX THIS DAMN FOOD, NOW YOU PEOPLE HAD BETTER EAT IT BEFORE IT GETS COLD!"

Eclipse was way ahead of the game and came in for seconds a short time later. She gave Tsume and Kiba an odd look, then looked at Youko, then looked at everybody else, contentedly stuffing their faces, and then she walked away again, her plate stacked just as full this time as the first.

Finally, when everybody was stuffed and Shadow and Eclipse were having fourth servings, Youko decided to bring up the topic he'd been discussing with Tsume while Shadow had been fixing this giant meal.

"Remember those two wolves on the news...?" he said to Eclipse. Her cheeks were puffed out like a chipmunk's and she was still stuffing more food into her mouth.

"Ooommfmpthergle?"

"... Chew your food before you talk."

And she swallowed the entire mouthful. "You mean the ones that escaped from the zoo? Or Tsume?"

Shadow looked up from her food. "Foomeifafoof?"

"CHEW YOUR DAMN FOOD!" Hiei snapped. "Good God."

And Shadow also swallowed the giant mouthful she'd had. "Tsume's a wolf?"

"I've come to that conclusion, yes," Youko said. Tsume was tipping his chair back with his hands behind his head. His eyes were closed.

"He doesn't _look_ like a wolf..." Yusuke muttered.

"I know what you mean," Shadow said, staring. "I've never been able to think of a wolf as sexy before."

Tsume's perfectly balanced chair toppled over at that comment and he was dumped onto the floor. Kiba chuckled. Eclipse stared at Shadow, then at Tsume, then at Shadow again, then at Tsume again, before giving up and stuffing more food into her mouth to occupy her befuddled mind.

"You can think of a fox as sexy, but you can't think of a wolf as sexy?" Hiei said.

"When did I ever say Youko's sexy?"

"Oh, let's see... That one time Karasu kidnapped Kurama and you referred to Youko as his 'sexy alter ego.'"

"How do you remember that? That was ages ago!"

"Things like that are lodged in my memory for eternity."

"Anyway, Youko can be sexy, cuz he doesn't always look like a fox. He looks more-or-less human, so that's okay. But Tsume doesn't look like a wolf, and... I have no idea what I'm trying to say."

"That's not unusual."

"Shut up, Jaganshi." Shadow stuffed another forkful of food into her mouth. "I never knew I was such a good cook."

"So anyway..." Youko pressed, irked at the complete change of subject. "What are you gonna do about these two? They're wolves."

"Bofuvem?" Shadow swallowed at a glare from Hiei. "Both of them?"

"Yes. Though they deny it."

"Aw, come on. You don't need to deny it! I love wolves!"

"... Maybe that's why they're denying it," Youko muttered.

"Why would wolves want to look like humans, anyway? Humans are icky."

"Where we come from, wolves are said to be extinct," Kiba said. "And looking like a wolf is dangerous."

"Ahh... That's pretty cool."

"No it's not, stupid!" Hiei snapped, hitting Shadow in the head.

"Oh. Right. That sucks, I meant to say."

Tsume finally got up from the floor and left the room, probably out of disgust, as now Eclipse was going through every container on the table, licking out the last crumbs of food like a starved dog.

"Eclipse, that's quite enough..." Hiei muttered. However, she continued, so he grabbed a glass platter and shattered it over her head. She fell onto the table and got a pot stuck on her head.

"Nice one, Hiei..." Shadow muttered. "SO ANYWAY, the matter at hand. We've got two time-traveling wolves who refuse to show their wolf forms, and they need to get back to the future to... do whatever."

"We've got friends there who'll be looking for us."

"Wolf friends?"

"Yes."

"Where'd Tsume go?"

"Who knows..." Kiba muttered.

"Who cares?" Eclipse said. "Get this pot off my head!"

Shadow got up. "I shall go look for him! Dut duh daaaaah!"

She walked into the living room and found Tsume lying on the couch. He opened one eye and looked at her.

"Well you've made yourself quite at home..." she noted, nodding.

"Leave me alone already." He closed his eye. Shadow glared, then sat on the edge of the couch next to him. Again, he opened one eye.

"Hi," Shadow said. He glared.

"Go away."

"What's your problem?"

"You."

"... Oh. I get that a lot."

Tsume made some noise that was a mixture between a sigh and a growl then sat up. Shadow narrowed her eyes.

"You're too uptight. But I know how to fix that."

Tsume started to get up, but Shadow pinned him down on his back on the couch. "You need a girlfriend."

"What?!" Tsume said, his eyes widened in horror and anger.

"Sure! It's done Hiei worlds of good just _living_ with me, but since I have limited time with you, I'll have to be your girlfriend. Whaddaya say to _that_, Tsume?" Shadow said, poking the strip of bare skin showing between his pants and shirt.

"I don't want a girlfriend. Stop touching me."

"Okay then. I'll find you a boyfriend. How about Hiei?"

And Hiei appeared out of nowhere and used another glass platter to knock Shadow away from poor Tsume (A/N: He's gonna kill me. How many times have I called him 'poor'? moment later Only once. We're safe. I refer to him as "Poor Tsume" when I'm talking to Eclipse on the phone about this story...). She fell to the floor, wide-eyed.

"Sorry. She's stupid," Hiei said, looking over the back of the couch at the horrified Tsume.

"Yes... I'd noticed," he muttered.

Hiei left. Tsume glanced at Shadow before getting off the couch and heading towards the stairs.

"Some boyfriend you are!" she snapped, sitting up and rubbing her head.

"I am _not_ your boyfriend! Oof!"

Shadow had lunged at him and wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around her waist, and she wouldn't let go, and he couldn't make her, and the people in the dining room were oblivious to his plight.

"Get off me!"

"No! Because you have to play the part of a good boyfriend. It's part of your training!"

"What training!? I didn't ask for any training from you!"

"I'm training you to be more cool and social!"

"_DOES THAT REQUIRE ME TO BE YOUR BOYFRIEND?_"

"**YES IT DOES, BECAUSE I SAID SO!**"

"Well I'd rather be 'uptight,' as you called it, than be your boyfriend!"

"Well that's YOUR problem! I thought wolves were family creatures!"

"YOU'RE NOT MY FAMILY!"

"WELL I'M YOUR GIRLFRIEND!"

"THAT WASN'T MY CHOICE!"

"WELL SO WHAT? IT DOESN'T CHANGE THE FACT!"

"YES IT DOES!"

The others were watching in a semi-amused sort of way from across the room.

"You know when wolves choose a mate, they're mates for life," Youko said to no one in particular.

"They aren't going to mate, stupid! Shadow's not a wolf. She can't," Eclipse said.

"I bet she could. All she'd have to do--"

"Let's not go there, Youko," Hiei said.

"LET GO OF ME!"

"NO!"

"LET _GO_!"

"NOT UNTIL YOU PROMISE TO AT LEAST ACT!"

"Y'know, they sure fight like they're married..." Yusuke muttered. Everybody looked at him. "What?!"

"You're right..."

"I'M NOT GOING TO--" Tsume was yelling.

"TSUME!!!"

"Let. Go. Of. Me."

"No."

"Now."

"Nope."

"Shadow, don't make me hurt you."

"You wouldn't do that."

"You don't know me."

"I know you well enough."

"No you don't. Now just let go before I hurt you."

"... I like leather," Shadow said after a pause.

"What?"

"Your clothes. I like your clothes."

"What, my 'skanky outfit?'"

The other six were staring cluelessly.

"Does she always do that?" Kiba asked.

"What? Horribly change the subject in the middle of something that might be important?" Hiei asked.

"Yeah."

"She got that from me," Eclipse said. "And yes, she does... I'm hungry."

They all fell on the floor, except Eclipse, who had no idea what was so odd about that.

"... My arms hurt from hanging off your neck."

"And you're closing my airway because you're hanging off my neck."

"My legs hurt, too."

"What do you say you just let go of me and we forget this whole thing ever happened?"

"No. How about I let go of you then we talk about this like semi-sensible adults?"

"... Fine," Tsume finally muttered. Shadow abruptly let go of him and fell into her sacred recliner. It was only then that both of them noticed they'd gathered a crowd.

"You know you two sounded like a couple of children, arguing like that," Youko said dryly. Tsume's skin got a very, very slight hint of pink to it, but Shadow sat there smiling stupidly.

"What do you expect from somebody with the mentality of a two-year-old?" Hiei said. Youko shrugged.

"True."

The 'crowd' dispersed, and Shadow grabbed Tsume's wrist and led him to one of the better guest rooms on the second floor.

"This can be your room until we get you back to your time. Now... About this whole boyfriend deal... It'll do you good, Tsume."

"Believe me, you're nothing like what my ideal girlfriend would be."

"I'm adaptable. So are you. Who knows. A temporal anomaly might open up on the front lawn tomorrow and you'll end up back in your time," Shadow said. "So you can deal with it while you're here."

Tsume glared, but he was saved momentarily from answering when somebody came walking through the hall outside the door, calling for Shadow.

"OI SHADOW!"

Shadow sighed, then got up and walked to the door, opening it just as Eclipse walked by. She scared the crap out of the blue-eyed girl, who stared at her like she was a complete stranger.

"What, Eclipse?"

"Are you tormenting Tsume?"

"No, I'm not tormenting _anyone_!"

"I'm not so sure... You're talking to me, aren't you?"

"Shut up!" Shadow hit Eclipse in the head. "Stupid girl."

"Ohh..." Eclipse said, falling on her face.

"I'd get off that floor if I were you. It hasn't been cleaned since the last time those weasels got loose and killed that salesman."

Eclipse looked at the floor with disgust, then jumped up and hung off the ceiling, spitting and wiping her face.

"Ick! Yuck! Gross!"

"No, ya think?"

"Clean your house, girl! That's just gross!"

"I know I'd never have a girlfriend who didn't clean her house," Tsume said, suddenly right behind Shadow.

"I clean my house! Just not very often," Shadow said.

"You know if I'm going to let you torment me, I can torment you as well," Tsume said.

"HA! TORMENTATION! I TOLD YOU HE WAS BEING TORMENTED!" Eclipse said triumphantly, falling off the ceiling.

"Didn't you hear him? He said 'if I'm going to _let you_ torment me.' He's not gonna resist it, so don't complain," Shadow said. "Besides, it has nothing to do with you."

"I live here, don't I?"

"No."

"Okay. Then it has nothing to do with me." Eclipse got up and walked away.

"... Did she ever say why she came up here?" Shadow asked.

"To see if you were tormenting me."

"Ah. Well... I think she likes you."

"What?!"

"Either that or she used that as an excuse to see if we were making out or something..."

"Making out?! I haven't even known you for a day!"

"Yeah, I know. She's just stupid like that."

"... So start cleaning your house, Shadow," Tsume said.

"What? Oh. Right. Yes sir. But first I have to introduce you to my family."

"What?"

"Well, if this is like a real boyfriend/girlfriend kinda thing, since they don't really know you, I have to introduce you to them."

"These people are your family, you mean?"

"No. I'm not related to a single one. But they're the closest thing I have. Cover your ears."

"What?"

Shadow took a deep breath. Tsume covered his ears just in time to avoid the full blast of her scream.

"**FAMILY MEETING IN THE LIVING ROOM! NOW! BE THERE OR DIE!**"

Tsume opened one eye (he'd had them squeezed closed against her extremely loud voice). "Do you have some kind of amplifier in your throat?!"

"No. You think they heard me?"

Tsume groaned. Shadow laughed.

"I'm kidding. Of course they did. Now we just wait a minute or two before going down there."

Tsume leaned casually against the wall until Shadow grabbed his hand and practically dragged him down the stairs.

"Everybody's here?" she said, looking around. "Let's see... Okay, where the hell's Eclipse?"

"In the kitchen," Hiei said. He was lying on the couch so nobody else could sit on it, one eye open to watch Shadow.

"**EE-**"

"I'm here!" Eclipse said, running in and jumping over the back of the couch. She landed on Hiei's stomach.

"OAF!" Hiei snapped, shoving her onto the floor. "Ow..."

Eclipse sat on the floor smiling. "So what's so important?"

"I'd like-- Where's Kuwabara?"

"He... uh... went home..." Hiei said guiltily.

"Oh! Okay then!" Shadow said, oblivious or ignoring the tone of his voice. "I'd like you all to meet my new boyfriend."

Kiba raised an eyebrow at Tsume, who shrugged in reply.

"This is Tsume, and he's a wolf."

"Nice to meet you. Can we go now?" Youko said.

"Yes," Shadow said. "I just felt like making it official. You're not jealous, are you, Fox?"

"Not in the least."

"Yeah, I can believe that..." Shadow muttered. She led Tsume back upstairs.

"What was the point of that?" he asked.

"Not much. So, now... It's nearly eight o'clock. What do you want to do?"

"Watch you clean your house. Wait. What did you mean about the weasels... When you said that to Eclipse?"

"I'll show you." Shadow led Tsume to the door with the 'high voltage' sign on it and opened the door. Inside, dozens of starved weasels were running around amongst bones and smelly, half-rotted unchoice body parts.

"What the hell?!"

"They've been there since I got the house."

"Which was...?"

"About two years ago, I think. Maybe three. I dunno."

"What the hell? You feed them?"

"Yes." Shadow shut the door. Tsume stared at her like she was nuts, and he wasn't far off. She's psychotic, not nuts. "Now, I'll go get some cleaning stuff and clean the stupid house to make you happy."

Tsume was still staring. The scent of the weasels and rotten flesh had reached the others downstairs, Kiba most of all.

"What's that smell?"

"SHADOW, DID YOU FEED HIM TO THE WEASELS?" Hiei shouted.

"NO!" Shadow snapped. "Why would I do that?"

"I don't believe you."

"Tsume's perfectly fine, only mildly terrified, I think," Shadow said.

"Not terrified," Tsume said. "I'm fine."

"Hear that? He's fine!" Shadow yelled down the stairs.

"Yeah, whatever."

Eventually, Shadow did get around to cleaning the house, which took her until nine AM the next day.

Meanwhile, Hige and Toboe were having absolutely no luck in finding Tsume and Kiba. However, around nightfall, they came upon the hut of an old lady...

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

**Now it's up to you: Should Hige and Toboe end up in the future with Tsume and Kiba, or should they figure out how to get them back, or something else? (if you pick something else, for God's sake, elaborate! Don't just review and say "Something else should happen" cuz then I'll be pissed, and I'll eat your soul.) I ONLY POSTED THIS STORY ALREADY BECAUSE I WANT YOUR DAMN FEEDBACK, DAMMIT! (heh heh) In one of the Cowboy Bebop manga I have, they managed to run three words all together. "Godammit." That's "God damn it" with many shared letters... NOW GIMME FEEDBACK, DAMMIT!  
**_Jeez, if my mother ever read my stories, she'd kill me... She read the first chapter of one and I got paranoid and revised all the cussing out of it, cuz they cussed like... five times in the first paragraph... And she said something like, "There were a lot of swearwords in that..." So I think I edited the whole story cuz of her reading one chapter... But now she doesn't and I don't bother censoring.  
_**BUT JUST BECAUSE I AM RAMBLING, DO NOT GET DISTRACTED FROM YOUR TRUE PURPOSE! SHOULD THEY OR SHOULDN'T THEY?! TELL ME NOW, OR YOU WILL BE IN PAIN, IN MANY SENSES OF THE WORD, IF THERE'S MORE THAN ONE!!!**


	3. Bleach is Evil

_**THE AUTHORESS SPEAKS!   
**__**Reviews for: Chapter Two, Meet the Family  
**_Like that? Heh heh. It's kinda... I dunno, like... All official and stuff.

**Mika Saito-** Is the next day soon enough for you? :)  
**Draikitha-** YOU DON'T WATCH WOLF'S RAIN? HOW DARE YOU! calm again Do you know what they look like? Wanna see pictures? I could email you. And about the quote thing where you had a sick thought, I had a sick thought when I wrote that and decided to leave it there for cruelty's sake.  
**Kiinu-** You mean the past. Wolf's Rain is in the future, a lot, I think, because they say wolves have been extinct for 200 years.  
**Kitsune Klepto-** In the PAST! But okay, general census is "They should." So... Read the chapter.  
**Evil authress from the makai!-** You have a stuffed flesh eating weasel named Shadow, huh? Decent. Well, if I go braindead (what am I talking about, **brain**dead? I don't have a brain to go dead!), I'll give you a... email...? It's supposed to be "I'll give you a call," but... You know what I mean.

**CHAPTER THREE  
**Bleach is Evil

"I'm tired..." Hiei muttered. Kurama looked at him. He had dark circles under his eyes. Kurama did too.

"Me too. Shadow kept me awake..."

"She was walking through the halls whistling until midnight or something when Tsume managed to find her and tell her to shut up," Yusuke said, walking into the room.

"What, he told her to shut up, but he didn't tell her to stop cleaning all together?" Hiei asked.

"I'm the one who told her to clean in the first place," came Tsume's voice.

They'd all noticed two wolves lying in the living room, but now it was the gold-eyed human who walked into the dining room.

"Well why the hell did you do that?!" Yusuke said.

"You do know that the last time this house was cleaned was about a year ago, right?" Hiei said to Yusuke.

"SO? Cleaning is a day activity! Not one you do until nine in the morning! Everything smells like bleach now!" Yusuke whined.

"Would you rather it smelled like decaying carcasses?" Kurama asked.

"It didn't smell like decaying carcasses to me..." Yusuke muttered. "But now everything reeks of bleach."

"Better than decaying carcasses..." Kurama muttered.

"Bleach hurts my nose," Yusuke muttered.

"LIVE WITH IT!" came Shadow's singsong voice. She danced into the room, swinging a wet sponge and a bucket of bleach. The black clothes she'd been wearing the previous day were now more like grayish-white clothes with black specks here and there. She was wearing white gloves, safety goggles, a doctor's face mask to cover her mouth and nose, and a hair net.

"Good morning, Shadow," Hiei said dryly. "How much sleep did you get last night?"

"NONE!" she said cheerfully.

"And you aren't tired?"

"Not in the least!"

"Ugh..." Hiei groaned, sticking his hands in his pockets and stalking off. Shadow stood there with a big smile on her face, looking at Yusuke and Kurama, who had dark circles under their eyes from lack of sleep.

"... You know, you're wearing all that safety stuff, but you don't mind completely soaking this house with bleach and leaving us with nothing to protect ourselves with?" Yusuke said.

Shadow continued staring with that smile on her face, though I s'pose they couldn't see it behind her mask. Yusuke waited for some sort of reply.

"Hello?" he said finally. "Are you still alive?"

Shadow dropped the bucket of bleach onto the floor. Luckily it didn't tip over, but it did send little droplets flying all over the place. Then, she dropped the sponge into the bucket and sent even more droplets flying.

"I think she died," Kurama muttered, walking over to her. He pulled the goggles away from her face a bit, then let them snap back and hit her.

"Ow," she said dryly. Then she hit Kurama it the head. "Stupid! Why'd you do that!"

"I thought maybe you'd died."

"Do I look dead?"

"I guess we aren't that lucky," Yusuke muttered. Shadow glared.

"You know, I've always wondered what you'd look like with bleached hair, Yusuke," she said, reaching for her bucket. Yusuke put his hands up in surrender.

"Sorry! Just don't mess with my hair!"

Shadow chuckled. "I don't see what's so great about your hair. It looks _normal_."

"... Is that bad?"

"**YES.**"

"What, and Tsume's hair doesn't look normal? Why's it bad for me but not for him?"

"Three reasons, Yusuke. One, Tsume is my 'boyfriend' now. Two, Tsume is a wolf. Three, Tsume's hair is white. WHAT THE HELL IS NORMAL ABOUT WHITE HAIR?!"

"Old people have white hair," Yusuke said. Tsume glared from where he'd been leaning against the wall.

"Are you saying I'm old?"

"Um... No, but I'm just saying, white can be a natural hair color..."

"Right."

"Get along, children!" the still-masked Shadow said, flinging a drop of bleach at Yusuke.

"Aaack!" he yelped, dodging and running right into Eclipse in the process.

"WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING, SHORTY!"

And Yusuke looked down at Eclipse, and she glared up at him, and he couldn't help but laugh. However, he learned from his mistake when the psychotic little person kicked him in the nuts and sent him rolling across the floor.

"Hey, Bleach, fix breakfast," Eclipse ordered.

"I'm Bleach now?" Shadow said.

"No, I was talking to the bucket," Eclipse said sarcastically.

"But... Buckets can't fix food."

"SO THEN YOU'LL HAVE TO, WON'T YOU!" Eclipse snapped. She stared at Shadow, whose face was completely hidden, and suddenly burst out laughing. Everybody stared at Eclipse. Shadow pushed her goggles up into her hair and squinted at Eclipse.

"Are you pregnant?"

And Shadow was sent skidding down the nicely bleached hallway on her back.

"WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU ASK SOMETHING LIKE THAT, YOU RETARD?!" Eclipse screamed.

"Mood swings are normal when you're pregnant," Shadow said. Eclipse stalked down the hall towards her. After a quick glance around, Shadow realized she was cornered. She jumped up, put her goggles back on, and started doing some odd fighting stances she just made up on the spot. When Eclipse was a few feet away, Shadow lunged to one side, tore open the broom closet, and hid inside.

"You can stay in there, then," Eclipse said, locking it. With a satisfied smile, she turned around and came face to face with five guys.

"Who's supposed to fix us our breakfast now?" Yusuke asked. Eclipse groaned.

"You want me to let this bleach-reeking psycho out of this closet? You're nuts."

Tsume rolled his eyes and unlocked the closet. Shadow lunged out and tackled him, knocking him onto his back. She stared down at him for a second, then pushed her goggles up again.

"Oh. Hi."

"Yeah, hi. Get off me."

"Hee hee. Okay, who wants breakfast?" Shadow asked, getting up.

"ME!" Eclipse said, jumping up and down waving her arms.

"Who besides Eclipse wants breakfast? Because Eclipse doesn't get any cuz she was mean."

Hiei sighed. "Kiba, Tsume, I suggest today we start checking out what we can do about your little problem."

"Suggestion noted, great sir! Breakfast time!!!" Shadow shouted, running into the kitchen.

[A/N: That all added very little to the story.]

After breakfast, Yusuke went home, but Hiei and Kurama went up to Reikai to talk to Koenma, leaving Kiba and Tsume alone with two psychotic girls (one of which still hadn't taken off her goggles. She'd changed her clothes, tossed the mask, gloves, and hair net in the garbage, but she still had the goggles on).

"So, what are you guys planning on doing to keep yourselves occupied until something interesting happens?" Shadow asked.

"Take off those stupid goggles, Shadow," Eclipse said.

"No. They're mine."

"... I never said they weren't. I just told you to take them off..."

"UH-HUH! SO YOU CAN STEAL THEM WHEN I TAKE MY EYES OFF THEM!"

"Why would I want ugly, stained, blue-lensed goggles like that? And after you've been wearing them, lice-head!"

"I DON'T HAVE LICE!"

"WHAT MAKES ME SO SURE OF THAT?"

"I TAKE A SHOWER EVERY DAY, STUPID!"

"_SO_?"

Shadow tackled Eclipse and killed her.

The end.

Not. Just kidding.

She didn't kill her, she just strangled her and caused her to gag and hack and gargle and eventually claw Shadow's face off.

"Okay, break it up!" Shadow ordered herself. She let go of Eclipse and started reprimanding herself for being so cruel and violent. Tsume stared.

"What is wrong with her?!"

"Dunno... But she's your girlfriend. You deal with it," Eclipse said, inhaling deeply from an oxygen tank she'd found lying on the coffee table. (Oo)

"HEY! DON'T BREATHE MY HELIUM!" Shadow snapped, stealing the tank back.

"What?" Eclipse said in a squeaky voice. "Oh my God, what _was_ that?"

"Helium, stupid!" And Shadow started reprimanding Eclipse, who was desperately trying to get her own normal voice back but all that came out was the helium-induced squeak.

Tsume sighed. Clearly there was something wrong with this girl. He threw her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

"--and you know what helium does to your lungs?" Shadow was saying. "It-- Huh? Oh? Oooh, leather!" She wrapped her arms around Tsume. Eclipse and Kiba couldn't help but snicker.

Tsume carried Shadow up to her room, pried her arms away from his midsection, and dropped her on her bed. She landed with an "Oof!"

"Shadow, what is wrong with you?" he asked dryly. She looked up at him with a big smile and an evil glint in her hidden eyes.

"I'm psychotic!" she said cheerfully. Tsume sighed.

"That's just great..."

"... Am I driving you mad?" Shadow asked, pushing her goggles up on her head.

"Oh, no, of course not," Tsume said sarcastically. "I've been around you for a full 24-hour day and I can't wait to get away."

"I'M SORRY!" Shadow wailed, lunging at him and hugging him. "DON'T KILL ME!"

Downstairs, Eclipse and Kiba exchanged glances.

"He wouldn't kill her, would he?" Eclipse asked, her voice still helium-induced.

"I don't think so..."

"... I'm gonna check. Shadow could make even a blind deaf pacifist want to kill her." Eclipse ran up the stairs.

Back in Shadow's room, she still had her arms wrapped around Tsume and her head resting against his chest.

"...Shadow?" he said. The door swung open and Eclipse came in.

"Are you kill-- What the f--fudge?" she said, staring. Tsume shrugged.

"I said she was annoying and now she won't let go of me."

"Shadow, let go of the wolf," Eclipse said, flicking her friend in the head. Shadow let go of Tsume and hugged Eclipse. "NO, I TAKE IT BACK, HUG THE WOLF! HUG THE WOLF! LET GO OF ME! GAD!"

Shadow let go and stood between the two for a minute, then went and curled up on her bed. Eclipse stared at her for a second.

"At least you got her to take off those infernal goggles..."

Shadow pulled the goggles back over her eyes.

"Never mind..." She grabbed Tsume's wrist (normally she'd grab his shirt, but since it's like a second skin, that'd be hard) and had gotten him out into the hall before making a note.

"Y'know, your clothes are too tight."

Tsume groaned. "That's been pointed out to me already."

"Has it? Well around here we wear baggy clothes. You're just an oddball."

"TIGHT LEATHER!!!" Shadow screeched, flying out of her room and pinning Tsume against the wall behind him. She nuzzled her cheek against his shoulder before stepping back. "We're going shopping!"

"What?!" Tsume said.

"If you're going to look like a human, you need to be able to blend in. Believe me, tight black leather draws attention."

Tsume groaned again. "Fine. I'll look like a wolf."

A moment later, a dark grey wolf was sitting in front of the two girls.

"HE'S SO CUTE!"

The wolf jumped out of the way just as Shadow was about to hug him. Then he went down the stairs. Shadow glared.

"Heckuva boyfriend, don't you think?"

These people in this house are the strangest you'll come by. Ever. In your entire life. In your entire existence. In your after life and the vacations you take there! YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO MEET ANYBODY THIS STRANGE! MUWAHAHAHA!

Okay, we're good.

There was a pause.

"We're still going shopping. When Hiei gets back," Shadow said. "Because I feel like torturing him really bad. MUWAHAHAHAHA!" She stopped abruptly. "I have a plan. Come with me." And Eclipse was dragged off into the secret planning room.

Kiba and Tsume were asleep on the couch and in Shadow's sacred reclining chair (respectively) when Hiei and Kurama got back. That in itself wouldn't have bothered the sleeping wolves, but the herd of elephants that came flying down the stairs two seconds later really, really bothered them, and Tsume was just about to tear apart these elephants when he realized they were Shadow.

She flew towards Hiei and tackled him backwards into Kurama and both of them fell over.

"YAY! NOW WE CAN GO SHOPPING!"

"Shopping?!" Hiei choked out.

"Yes, shopping! We're going to go to every store in TOKYO!"

"Oh, no we aren't."

"Get off me," Kurama said, as he was under both of them and it was mildly painful.

"Yes we are!" Shadow replied cheerfully.

"No we aren't! Why the heck do you need to go to every store in the city all in one day when you've lived here for years and you haven't even gone to them all yet?!"

"THAT'S WHY!"

"Why?"

"Because I haven't BEEN THERE YET!"

"Been where?"

"Get off me!!!" Kurama whined.

"TO THE STORES!" Shadow answered.

"So? Why do you need to go **now**?"

"Because I **WANT TO**. NOW STOP ARGUING AND GET READY TO GO!"

"But--"

"NO, I DON'T WANNA KNOW ABOUT YOUR BUTT!"

Hiei stared at Shadow, then pushed her away and got up. Kurama lay on the floor gasping for breath.

"You can go shopping. I'm not."

"YES YOU ARE!!! NOW STOP ARGUING AND I WON'T HURT YOU!"

"Shadow--"

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaat?" Shadow snapped.

"I. Am not. Going shopping. With you. **GET IT?!**" Hiei snapped. He started to walk away, but Shadow caught him by the back of his shirt and knocked him in the side of the head.

"YES YOU ARE. **_GOT IT, SHORTY?!_**"

An hour later, Shadow, Eclipse, Tsume, Kiba, Kurama, and Hiei hit the streets of Tokyo. Shadow had her shopping obsession, but the guys were just along to be out of the house (and Shadow might have had something to do with that, too...).

"Shadow, can I ask you something?" Kiba said. Shadow looked at him.

"Hm?"

"Why did you have to set off smoke bombs in your house?"

"To get your all's lazy asses out of them chairs!" Shadow snapped, looking in particular at Hiei.

"You could have killed us all, though," Kurama said.

"_That_ would have been your stupid problem, wouldn't it?!" she retorted. Kurama grumbled something. "What was that?"

"Oh, nothing."

"Yeah, I'm sure it was nothing," Shadow snarled.

"So, Shadow!" Eclipse interrupted. "Where were you planning on going first?"

Shadow paused and looked around. Then she pointed at a store. "THAT ONE!"

"Why?"

"LOOK BOTH WAYS BEFORE CROSSING THE STREET!" she shouted in an annoying singsong voice, and promptly disobeyed her own order by running out into the street in front of a huge group of bicycles on their Tour de Japan (that doesn't exist. Well, if it does, it's not in French). They all crashed, except the ones in the very back, who got through the massive pile of injured people and broken bicycles and won the race.

"Shadow, you idiot! They could sue you!" Hiei snapped.

"Pedestrians have the right of wayyy!!" she sang.

"NOT IF THE OTHER PEOPLE ARE SO CLOSE THEY CAN'T STOP IN TIME, STUPID!"

"Pedestrians have the right of wayyy!!" she repeated.

"They were too busy crashing to see her face, so they can't sue her," Eclipse said with a smile.

The store's annoying "somebody came in the door jingle" jingled, and twenty or more angry bicyclers in Spandex came in.

"I think you spoke too soon," Kurama muttered to Eclipse.

"I think I did too," she muttered.

"Everybody, slowly back away. When people wear tight outfits, they get stupid, cuz it cuts off the circulation to their brains..." Shadow said. Then she hugged Tsume. "Except for you!"

"Gee, thanks."

"WE HAVE BIGGER PROBLEMS HERE THAN SPANDEX BRAIN PEOPLE, STUPID!" Hiei snapped.

"They won't do anything in a store like this," Shadow said.

"Don't be too sure about that," one of the bike people said.

"Okay... Back slowly away again," Shadow said. "Then turn around and run like hell." And she did exactly that, screaming and waving her arms as she ran up the escalator. The bike people followed her, completely ignoring the rest of the group.

"RUN, SHADOW!" Eclipse screamed. "Okay, now let's get out of here. I don't wanna be a witness when the cops find her dead body and start asking questions..."

"Eclipse!" Kiba said in disbelief.

"What! It's called self-preservation."

"Cops don't kill witnesses, stupid," Hiei said. "Now let's-- Never mind, she's coming back."

Shadow came screaming and waving her arms back down the escalator, out into the street without looking either way, and caught sight of an angry mob she could hide in. They were running down the street. She caught up with them and intended to hide amongst them, but that didn't work very well, as she stood out quite a bit what with her screaming and shouting and waving of arms.

Then she spotted something in the front of the group.

"**WOLFIES!!!**"

**........ ..... ........**

Jeez, I'm writing this story fast! Heh heh. I bet I could get chapter four up by the end of the day... Hee hee... Being as I've already started it, yeah, I bet I could.  
Wanna see a picture I drew of Tsume? click on the little thumbnail thingy... And look at my other art there too. :)


	4. The Scary Chapter of Many Odd Happenings

**_THE AUTHORESS SPEAKS  
AGAIN!  
Reviews for Chapter Three, "Bleach is Evil"_**

**Draikitha-** What's your email address? Er... email me. And my email is on my website, or on my myotaku page... Just about anywhere. I'll post those chapters to the sund, sand... whatever story... Whenever I get another chapter written and all three together might actually make some important forward movementness in the story... And...Go your boyfriend Alex! Wolf's Rain rocks.  
**Bar-Ohki-** Yes, your highness.  
**Name1-** Heh heh. For some reason I'm proud of my ability to write a bunch of crap... Probably because people still like it...  
**xkuroxshinobix-** Aaack... Didn't show up... I put the link back on my bio.  
**Kitsune Klepto-** You mean like 'next day' kind of soon?  
**Koneko-** Yes, Wolf's Rain and YYH are great shows. Thank you for the compliments. (see, this is what I was saying to Name1. I'm proud that I can write random stuff and people like it.) Who have you met that's as nuts as the people in that house?! AHHH! Run for your LIVES.  
**Mika Saito-** Well, have your friend read these stories. Then she'll kill _me_ for writing them. I take it back. Don't have her read them. :)  
**Tora88-** /Shudder/ Yaoi is forbidden in my stories... Why do people like the Tsume/Toboe pairing? Because Toboe is an innocent little kid and Tsume is the complete opposite? And Kiba/Hige... Oo Just because they're the ones left over? ...No. No yaoi. The most I'll do is torture them by pointing out that people think they're a cute couple.   
**Kiinu-** Woohoo. My pics. They're scary, don't say I didn't warn you.  
**kaida13-** Heh heh. Shadow torments anyone she sets eyes on. And for your review on chapter one: Cheza isn't following them around because do you honestly see how I could properly write this fic with her in it? I couldn't think of how she'd fit in. I rarely put other girls in my stories... And actually, I kinda like Tsume's outfit... (You probably think I'm psycho now.)

**CHAPTER FOUR  
**The Scary Chapter of Many Odd Happenings

Oh yeah. Here it goes.

Shadow plowed down everyone in front of her and was soon the only one chasing the two brown wolves (that doesn't include the twenty or so angry bicyclers chasing after _her_). Her arms were outstretched towards the wolves instead of waving around in the air like they were moments ago.

"Shadow!"

Hiei caught up with her. Kurama and the others were only a short distance behind.

"LOOKIT, LOOKIT! WOLFIES!"

"Yes, I see them," Hiei snapped. A moment later, the entire mob of wolf-chasers were back up and chasing Shadow. However, their chase came to and end when Tsume, Kiba, and Kurama caught up and stopped dead, facing the giant mob.

"Get out of the way, stupid kids!" one person yelled. "Those wolves are dangerous!"

The two wolves were standing there panting behind Hiei and Shadow.

"Yeah, stupid kids! There's at least forty of us, and only six of you! Now move aside! The animal control vehicle will be here soon to take those wolves back to wherever the hell they came from."

Shadow got a glint in her eye as the said vehicle came to a stop light at the end of the street. She tore off towards it.

"You aren't taking these wolves anywhere," Kurama said.

"No, _we_ aren't! _They_ are!" The man pointed at the animal control van, flying down the street towards them with its sirens screaming, dodging traffic like a pro. It screeched to a halt and the wolves shifted nervously, looking ready to bolt. However, when Shadow was the one to jump out, wearing an oversized jacket with the "animal control" logo on it, they just stared, as did everybody else.

"I AM ANIMAL CONTROL!" she shouted, opening the back of the van. She dragged two men out of the back and threw them onto the street. "GET THE WOLVES!"

"C'mon!" Eclipse said, jumping in the back. Kiba and the others followed her, even the two wolves. Hiei closed the doors and jumped in the passenger seat next to Shadow. His door was barely even closed before Shadow hit the gas and shot down the street again.

"Shadow, why the heck did you do that?!" Hiei snapped.

"If you sat up here to lecture me and distract my driving skills so we crash and kill a lot of people, you can ride on the roof!" Shadow said, swerving around an old lady in a parking lot (dunno why she'd go through a parking lot... Less traffic?) and giving her a heart attack.

"Fine," Hiei muttered, crossing his arms and putting his feet on the dashboard.

Meanwhile, in the dark and scary back of the truck.

"So, these guys are friends of yours?" Kurama said.

"Yeah," Kiba said. The brown wolves were now two brown-haired boys, leaning against the wall breathing hard from running. "How did you guys get here?"

"Some old lady... She said she was a witch, and she knew what we were looking for," Hige said.

"Old lady, huh?" Tsume muttered. "Stupid old wench."

"A witch sent you here?" Kurama said. "Huh. I suppose that might have been a useful detail for Koenma..."

"So who are these guys?" Hige asked.

"I'm Kurama, this is Eclipse," Kurama said.

"I'm Hige. This is Toboe."

"Hello," Toboe said. The truck swerved suddenly and they all fell sideways. Tsume growled slightly as he straightened up.

"The psychotic girl driving this is Shadow."

The truck screeched to a halt.

"We're staying with her until we can get back," Kiba said.

"...Back where?"

"BACK TO THE FUTURE!!!" Shadow yelled, flinging open the doors and scaring the crap out of them all. Then she ran away, singing the theme to the 'Back to the Future' movies. Hiei walked around and looked in at them.

"I see you all survived... That's good." Then he went over to Shadow and hit her in the head, as she was still dancing and singing in the yard.

"I told you. She's psychotic," Tsume said, jumping out of the van. "It doesn't even hurt her to-- Oof!"

Yes, another 'oof' as Shadow plowed into him and gave him a hug. Hige and Toboe stared in confusion.

"Shadow, let go of me," Tsume said, trying to pry her off.

"Hug!"

"Yes, okay, you're hugging me, now let go."

"Grr." She climbed up and sat cross-legged on his head, causing him to be extremely top-heavy and fall over.

Hiei and Kurama promptly grabbed Shadow's arms and dragged her, kicking and screaming, back to the house.

"What was up with that?" Hige asked, hopping out of the van behind the rest of them. He looked at Tsume.

"She's got some odd delusion that I'm her boyfriend."

Hige burst out laughing. He laughed, and he laughed, and he laughed some more, and he kept laughing until he noticed that his intentionally prolonged laughter had mildly pissed off Tsume, who was walking back to Shadow's house. Eclipse had left after staring at Hige for a minute, to go see what Hiei had done with Shadow.

"Come on, guys," Kiba said, following Tsume. Hige and Toboe finally noticed Shadow's house.

"Wow, that's a big house! How many people live there?"

"I'm not sure. I think four do."

"Four! You could have twice that living here comfortably!" Hige said.

"Not with Shadow as one of them..."

"Hiei, where's Shadow?" Eclipse was asking when the wolves came in the door.

"How should I know?" Hiei replied. "She got away the second we--"

And suddenly, they figured out where Shadow was when music exploded through the house and she came flying down the stairs singing.

A giant smile appeared on Eclipse's face and she ran into the living room, practically flattening Hiei into the ground in her haste. The two psychotic girls started dancing and singing like a couple of lunatics to R.E.M.'s "It's the End of the World as We Know It." (A/N: Awesome song. Awesome band. Neither of which I own or have any affiliation with.)

The six guys stared at them as they danced.

"...Are they always like that...?" Toboe asked.

"Yes. They are. Shadow moreso than Eclipse, but..." Kurama said. "Yeah."

"Jeez..." Hige muttered.

"DANCE, GUYS!!!" Shadow shouted, jumping over the back of the couch and tackling Kurama. "IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT, AND I FEEL FINE!!!"

"Get off me, Shadow!!!"

"Hiei dance!" Shadow said, jumping up and grabbing Hiei's arms.

"Noo!"

"Dance dance dance!" she said, swinging his arms around as she jumped up and down singing. Then her eyes fell on the wolves. "TSUME DANCE!"

"NO!" he said, running out of the room. Shadow looked at the rest with her evil maniacal smile before taking off after him.

Through all this, Eclipse just sat there singing and dancing like there was nothing else going on in the world that was potentially interesting.

The door banged open and Yusuke and Kuwabara stepped in.

"TURN THAT STUPID MUSIC DOWN! What, who the hell are you?"

"TURN THE MUSIC DOWN!" Kuwabara shouted. "I CAN'T HEAR MYSELF SEE!"

Hiei and Kurama started for the stairs (yes, I suppose it takes two powerful warriors to control psycho Shadow), ignoring the baka's stupid comment. Before they reached the stairs, there was a high-pitched yelp like an injured dog and Shadow came tumbling down the stairs. The music stopped a minute later and Tsume appeared at the top of the stairs.

"Was that you or her that yelped?" Kurama asked, looking up at him.

Hiei poked Shadow with his shoe.

"That was me. That girl fights like an animal."

Hiei poked Shadow again. "I think she's dead..."

They stared at her.

"No she's not. She's breathing, see?" Kurama said. He turned back to Tsume. "What did she do?"

"Bit me."

"Ah... Well...That could hurt... Considering..."

"Considering what?" Tsume asked.

"Well... She has got fangs..." Kurama muttered.

"Is it bleeding?" Hiei asked.

"Not much."

"Are you gonna live?!"

Everybody jumped at the sound of Shadow's voice.

"Yes, Shadow. Unless you have some deadly venom I didn't know about, I'll survive," Tsume said dryly.

In the dining room, the other three wolves and Eclipse, who had wandered in there after the song ended, had heard the entire thing.

"Are you sure it's safe to stay here?" Hige said.

"Whaddaya mean?" Eclipse asked.

"She hurt _Tsume_."

"He doesn't mind."

"He threw her down the stairs, didn't he? Is that a good example of 'not minding?'"

"I dunno. Let's ask. Hey Tsume!" Eclipse said. She ran to the bottom of the stairs. "Tsume! Do you mind that Shadow bit you?"

"Are you seriously asking that?" he said.

"Yes! Your friends are worried that it's not safe to stay here because she hurt you and they think she's a psychotic violent person."

"I mind, but it didn't hurt," Tsume said, coming down the stairs.

"... Then why'd you yelp?" Eclipse asked dryly.

"Surprise."

Shadow suddenly jumped up onto her hands and knees and snarled at Tsume. Hiei walked away and came back a minute later with a collar and a short chain leash. He snapped the collar around Shadow's neck.

"You wanna act like an animal, we'll treat you like one." He dragged her away while everybody stared. Y'know, people tend to stare a lot in my stories... Oo

About an hour later, after everybody had been introduced and sort of settled in, Koenma came by for a visit.

As usual in Shadow's house, when there's nothing going on, people just kind of end up strewed all over the place. The floor, the couch, stairs, beds, poker tables, pool tables...

"Hey Koenma," Hiei said dryly. He was playing poker with Youko, and, as usual, losing horribly.

"... I saw Shadow out in the yard."

"Yeah, so? Is that unusual?"

"Well, yes, that in itself is unusual, but what was even more unusual was that she was tied to a stake in the ground like a dog."

"What do you expect us to do if she wants to act like a dog?"

"She's out there screaming and yelling and howling like a lunatic. Aren't you worried the cops are gonna get curious?"

"Cops never come here."

"There's a first time for everything. What if some concerned citizen drives by and reports you?"

"We'll bring her in and she'll feed the cops to the weasels."

"Hiei..."

"What?!"

"That'll just get you in even more trouble."

"That'll get _her_ in trouble."

"Oh. Well that's a lot better. You're so caring."

There was a strangled yelp from outside.

"She's gonna strangle herself," Koenma said.

Youko chuckled. "It's just a little clasp. All she has to do is use her **hands** to take off the collar."

"Well she doesn't know that!" Koenma argued.

They were quiet for a minute.

"She _has_ been out there for an hour already," said a new voice, startling Koenma. He walked in and looked over the back of the couch to where Kiba was laying.

"I'm supposing this is one of those time travelers you told me about? The _wolf_?" Koenma said, looking at Youko.

"What, you say 'wolf' like you don't believe they're really wolves, Koenma. Believe me, they're wolves. And there's four of them here, now."

"Four?! What is with you guys? You just take in whoever ends up on your doorstep. What if some injured psycho murderer time traveler interdimensional kung-fu master with a bounty on his head ended up on your porch!?"

"If it was up to Shadow, we'd heal him and give him a place to stay," Hiei said.

"And it always is up to Shadow," Youko said.

"Because she'd kill me if I told her we couldn't have a psychotic bounty murderer whatever in our house."

"Exactly."

Koenma sighed. "Well, I did come by to see what I can do with these wolf guys... So where are they all?"

"Kiba's right there, and the rest of them are somewhere else," Hiei said. Koenma groaned.

"I'LL FIND THEM!"

Everybody looked at the door. Shadow was standing there with a collar attached to a chain attached to a stake dragging behind her.

"Good Lord, Shadow..." Koenma muttered, snapping off the collar.

"I'M FREE!" She ran down into the basement, where Eclipse was playing pool with Tsume while Toboe watched curiously. Shadow hugged Tsume.

"How's your arm?"

"My arm? You mean the arm you bit?"

"Yes, that'd be the one. Why would I care about your other arm?"

"My arm is fine."

"Hi Shadow!" Eclipse said. "Did you have fun being tied out in the yard like a dog?"

"I ate a worm."

Eclipse groaned. "That's sick."

"Anyway, Koenma's upstairs and he wants to talk to you guys, Tsume. So, you win, now get upstairs," Shadow said.

"Who's Koenma?" Toboe asked.

"The son of the ruler of Reikai. He wants to talk to you guys. Do you know where Hige is?"

"No."

"Probably in the kitchen, raiding your cabinets," Tsume said, walking up the stairs. Shadow's eyes widened.

"He better not be!" She ran past Tsume, down the hall, slid to a stop in front of the kitchen, and saw that no, her kitchen was not currently being raided, but somebody had been there, because there were crumbs lying around. She screamed in horror.

"MY BEAUTIFUL KITCHEN!" She ran in, sobbing. "IT'S TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY RUINED!!!"

"Shadow... There's some crumbs on the counter. It's not ruined," Eclipse said.

"ALL THE FOOD IS GONE! OH, IT'S HORRIBLE! THAT RAIDER WILL PAY!"

She started to stomp out of the kitchen, but Eclipse caught her hair.

"No, stupid. It's not ruined, and there's plenty of food left."

"LET GO OF ME! IT'S HORRIBLE!"

"Unless you want me to tie you up in the yard again, I suggest you shut up, Shadow," Hiei called in. Shadow stopped and walked peacefully into the living room, nearly running into Hige when she came around the corner.

"DID YOU RAID MY KITCHEN?! YOU WILL PAY FOR--" Tsume wrapped his arm around her neck. "AAAAAAAACCKKKKK! Leggo me!"

"Shadow, go up to your room and act like you don't exist for a bit, okay? And when you come back down here, you're not going to be accusing anyone of anything. You're going to be your normal cheerful self. Right?"

"Leggo! Leggo!"

"_Right_?"

"Yes, right! Leggo!"

Tsume let go and Shadow dove over the back of the couch and curled up into a little trembling, mumbling ball.

"Lovely relationship you two have..." Hige said. Tsume glared.

"Shut up."

"... Okay..." Koenma said. "You're the wolves, I'm assuming."

"Kiba, Tsume, Hige, and Toboe," Hiei said.

"Okay. Well, first, I need to know when exactly you're from."

"They're from the future!" Shadow said.

"Shadow, shut up," Tsume ordered.

"Yes sir."

"Future. Yes, well, that could be anywhere from tomorrow to a thousand years in the future."

(A/N: I'm not sure when Wolf's Rain takes place! Ahhh!)

"..."

"Let's move on," Koenma said. "How'd you end up here, do you know?"

"It was a _bitch!_" Shadow cried.

"Shadow!" Tsume and Hiei snapped.

"A witch, stupid," Hige said.

"A witch. Okay then... Youko, what do you know about witches?"

"What? You think I'm a living dictionary?"

"Encyclopedia would be more accurate."

"Shut up."

"Witches have broomsticks, and they have warts and they cackle and make stew! And--"

"SHADOW, SHUT THE HELL UP BEFORE I THROW YOU INTO THE SEWER! GO TO YOUR DAMN ROOM LIKE TSUME SAID IN THE FIRST PLACE!" Hiei shouted. Shadow blinked.

"Yes, mother..."

Hiei was getting madder by the second. Shadow still wasn't moving.

"SHADOW **_JAGANSHI!!!_** GET!!!"

It's kinda scary when a guy barely five feet tall seems to grow about ten feet and his eyes turn into glowing red orbs. Hiei seemed to grow, and Shadow seemed to shrink. About the size of a Chihuahua.

"Yes sir..." She liquefied and seeped down between the cushions on the couch. Hiei blinked curiously, shrank to his normal size, and stared at the couch for a minute. Shadow came seeping out the bottom and along the floor behind it, out of the room, and down the stairs to the basement while eight pairs of thoroughly confused and startled eyes watched her.

"That's not normal," Eclipse said finally. Everybody looked at her with "isn't that obvious, stupid?" looks. (-.-)

"No, ya think?!" Hiei said.

"Not very often."

It took a bit of time to get over the shock of seeing a human/demon turn into a blob of goo and seep out of the room, but when they did, Koenma promised he would research witches, glared at Hiei and Youko for not telling him about that detail when they went to talk to him in the first place, then left.

**...................................................**

**Don't even ask where the end of this chapter came from... I don't even know, and I don't think I really want to know. It's just some odd thing I found drifting around all lonely-like in my head. It needed a home.**   
Woohoo! Cowboy Bebop is on tonight! Love that show.  
Grr. Somebody put a comment on the first drawing I ever did of Spike. "You need more practice." Snarl. I even said it's my first drawing of him. Look at his/her art and I don't think it's whole lots better. -.- /hate/  
Woo! Cowboy Bebop tonight! /good mood again/


	5. Pulsating Egg Creature

_**THE AUTHORESS SPEAKS  
YES, AGAIN  
ARE YOU GETTING SICK OF THIS YET?  
Reviews for Chapter Four, The Scary Chapter of Many Odd Happenings**_

**kaida13-** Wolfwood's awesome... /looks around, wide-eyed/ Ice cream? Ice cream where?!  
**Draikitha-** My dog got up on the table once... He actually was standing on it... But that's cuz we let him sit on chairs. Oh, and for some reason every time I try to email you, I get an email thingy back from the mail delivery error people saying they couldn't send it for some reason, so... There's a site called www.lioncrusher.com you can go to... Hopefully that showed up...  
**Okami Youkai-** I know about best friends with bad grammar... I used to edit Eclipse's stories and she never could spell "stairs" right... It was always "stares." (Ha ha ha, sorry Eclipse. You don't care, do you...) And yes, I plan on writing more Wolf's Rain fics... And Cowboy Bebop, and Kenshin, and Trigun... And... InuYasha? Maybe. I have ten favorite anime, so I don't see why I never write anything other than YYH. Prolly cuz I can't write anything without SHADOW.  
**Koneko-** Well, I base Shadow after myself, and everything in these stories comes out of my mind, so that's gotta tell you something... I'm the only person who is REALLY like Shadow... Cuz in a sense, she is me... And Eclipse is my best friend. I dunno what I'm talking about.  
**xkuroxshinobix-** No, they aren't related... It's all explained in my first story... _All_ the way down at the bottom of the list...  
**Crimson Colored Cloaked Figure-** Jeez... Do I hate to keep writing out your name? Can't it just be CCCF? Or CCC? Whatever. No, I don't think I can write faster... There's only so many hours in a day, and I'm only allowed on the computer so many hours out of that day that only has so many hours... Like... I'm usually on here about six hours... But I have other stuff to do and writing a chapter can take anywhere from an hour to three or so. This one's short so it didn't take long...  
**Mika Saito-** Yay. More readers! Just what I need. :) Actually, yes I do. Only two of my stories have 100 reviews... Look back at my earlier ones. What's that? Thirteen reviews? It's a crime!  
**kiinu-** Froot-loop, huh? You know the cereal Froot Loops? I've eaten those since I was really little, but it was only in the last year that I realized they spell "Fruit" wrong... Heh heh. Oops. Shows you my level of intelligence.  
**Black Cat-** Youko and Kuronue... heh heh. And... Your brother can't be the ruler of hell, cuz that's my sister... She used to be evil and scary, but now she's usually cheerful and even more scary because of that.  
**Name1-** Nooo! You cannot die! I cannot kill my readers! That is horrible and inconceivable or however the hell you spell that word... Don't die. You die and I'll kill you.

**_This chapter is short cuz I didn't have as long to write today, and once I got to what is the end I thought, what the heck, I dunno what else to write without going totally away from the point of the chapter... though the chapter has no point... That's not the point._**

**CHAPTER FIVE  
**Pulsating Egg Creature

"Where's Shadow? Does anyone know?" Eclipse asked.

"I haven't seen her since she turned into goo and went into the basement," Tsume said.

"Me neither," Yusuke said, not paying attention.

"Then she's probably still down there," Kurama concluded.

"Maybe she seeped into the piping and got lost," Hiei said absently, using a fork to poke some scrambled eggs he'd found in the fridge.

"Who'd care?" Kurama asked.

"Not me," Kuwabara muttered.

"Wait, what'd she do?!" Yusuke asked, finally realizing what Tsume had said.

"Maybe she's seeping around in the piping and next time somebody turns on a faucet she'll come out," Hiei said.

"What are you guys talking about?" Yusuke said.

"Maybe we should look for her," Toboe suggested.

"Are you kidding, runt?!" Hige asked, startled. "That girl's psycho!"

"She's probably just in the basement," Kurama said, looking curiously at the scrambled eggs Hiei had found. "You're not gonna eat those, are you?"

"Maybe she died," Eclipse said.

"What, from turning into goo?" Tsume said.

"Honestly, Kurama, do you think I'm stupid enough to eat this stuff?" Hiei said.

"Yes from turning into goo! Normal humans don't do that stuff," Eclipse replied.

"Shadow's not normal. Surely you've noticed that."

"Well yeah, I've noticed, but still, she can't do that. She's never done it before, and I don't know how she did it this time!"

"She's special," Tsume said, shrugging. "I've never seen anyone turn into goo either, but that doesn't mean anything."

"Look at this! They bounce. It's like they're rubber," Kurama said, dropping bits of egg onto the floor.

"Shadow'd eat 'em..." Hiei muttered. "She's like a dog. She eats leftovers."

"Yeah she's special," Eclipse retorted. "Special in the head. That is to say, she's got mental issues."

"Obviously... Maybe she's a shape shifter."

"Do they have shape shifters where you come from?"

Tsume gave her a "what do _you_ think?" look.

"Well then why would you think she's a shape shifter?" Eclipse asked.

"So, did you see that football game last week?" Yusuke asked Kuwabara, giving up on the others' conversations.

"No," the baka replied.

"Oh."

"I think they're alive," Hiei muttered.

"I doubt it," Kurama said.

"Maybe if we put it in the microwave for a while it'll kill them," Hiei said, jabbing the eggs with a fork.

"They're not alive, Hiei."

"It's worth a try, isn't it?" Hiei said, ignoring Kurama and taking the plate into the kitchen.

"See, but there aren't any shape shifters here, so she couldn't be. Maybe her genetic makeup just broke down and she turned into mush," Eclipse muttered.

"Goo," Tsume corrected.

"Whatever. D'ya think that's possible, though?"

"What?"

"That her genetic makeup broke down and she turned into goo!"

"I doubt it, but it's a better idea then her being a shape shifter..."

Eclipse narrowed her eyes. "That was _your_ idea."

"Was it?"

"Yes."

"If you say so."

"So anyway, during the half time show, this fight broke out, right?" Yusuke said.

"Uh-huh," Kuwabara urged eagerly.

"And the marching band had to break it up, right?"

"Uh-huh?"

"One of the flute players poked out somebody's eye with her _flute_."

"Really?!"

"No kidding! I'm serious!"

"How old are you anyway, Tsume?" Eclipse asked.

"What?"

"Your age, stupid."

"Is that really important?"

"No, I'm just wondering how much older you are than Shadow."

"Why, because of her delusion that I'm her boyfriend?"

"Yeah. You have to be at least ten years older than her. That's wrong."

"What does age matter? I'm a wolf. You can't get much different than that."

"That's true."

"HOLY SHIT!" Hiei screamed from the kitchen. Eclipse got up and ran down the hall. Tsume followed at a slower pace.

"Gah! Ew!" Eclipse yelped, seeing what Hiei was so surprised about. Tsume just stared at the microwave and the pulsating blob inside it.

"It's not supposed to do that, is it..." Hige asked from beside him.

"No!" Kurama yelped.

"Shadow's gonna kill you when she sees something living in her microwave," Eclipse said.

"I told you it was alive, Kurama!" Hiei snapped.

"It's some kind of freaky egg creature that feeds off the microwave!" Eclipse pointed out. "Turn off the stupid thing, maybe you can kill it!"

"What?"

"If you _don't_ turn it off, it'll just keep growing," she said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Burn it!" Kurama said.

"_Burn it?_"

"That thing's so big now that if you open the microwave, it'll spill out and bite off your arm!" Eclipse said.

"YOU WATCH TOO MANY DAMN CHEESY SCI-FI CHANNEL MOVIES!" Kurama snapped.

"Me?! Shadow is the Goddess of Cheesiness!"

"WHAT HAS CHEESE GOT TO DO WITH ANYTHING? THESE ARE EGGS!"

"I've never seen you so freaked out, Hiei," Kurama said. Hiei made wild gestures with his arms.

"There is a giant blob of LIVE EGGS in the MICROWAVE! SHADOW WILL KILL ME WHEN SHE SEES THIS!"

"Hiei's afraid of Shadow?" Eclipse said to herself.

"Shadow's a scary person. I don't blame him," Tsume said.

"We'll have to make sure she doesn't see it, then," Kurama said, smiling.

"How're we supposed to do that?!" Hiei squeaked.

"Um, guys... It's seeping out the cracks..."

"Shut up!" Hiei screeched.

"Get rid of the microwave," Hige said.

"Oh yeah, that'll keep her from noticing," Hiei said sarcastically. "'Where's my microwave!?' 'Well, Shadow, we kind of grew a creature inside it and it blew up...' 'AHHHHHHHHHHH!' Then murder occurs."

"Yes, that would be about how it'd go, right?" Kurama said.

"Hey, guys... It's... gooing up the floor..." Eclipse said, backing up.

"So what are we gonna do?" Hiei asked.

"YOU IDIOTS! THERE IS A GIANT, SLIMY, LIVING BLOB OF MONTH-OLD SCRAMBLED EGGS GROWING IN THE MICROWAVE! **STOP TALKING SO CASUALLY, YOU IDIOTS! IT'S GOING TO KILL US ALL!**" Eclipse screamed.

Then, to the rescue came an odd squeal. Nobody could tell where it was coming from, exactly, but they were all fairly sure _who_ it was coming from.

"Plug up the drain and turn on the faucet!" said the odd squeal. Hiei obeyed, and goo came seeping out of the faucet and into the plugged-up sink. Finally, it seeped (not oozed, not ran, not any of that, all this GOO does is SEEP) out onto the floor, quivered for a second, and turned into Shadow.

**"EGGS!!!"**

And she pounced on the pulsating creature and ate it, just like that.

"Now... who was responsible for putting the egg monster in the microwave?" she asked with narrowed eyes.

"You know, this whole ordeal just gave me a brilliant idea!" Kurama said. "Hiei, come with me." He grabbed Hiei's arm and practically dragged him out the door.

"Kurama just saved Hiei's life, you know..." Eclipse muttered.

**"IT WAS HIEI? HIEI PUT THE EGG MONSTER IN THE MICROWAVE SO IT COULD GROW AND FESTER AND PULSATE AND OOZE OUT AND EAT ALL OF YOU? THAT BLOODY FOOL!"** Then she paused. "Oh well."

And everybody was terrified of Shadow for quite some time after that, except for Eclipse, because Eclipse is her best friend and best friends are best friends even if one of them runs over the other's arm with a bicycle.

Best friends are best friends even if one of them is the author of these stories and the other one reads them and gives encouragement in the form of saying, "You have problems."

Yes. So Eclipse and Shadow continued being best friends even though one of them had done so many insane, criminal, violent, maniacal, morbid, insane, insane, insane things that it should be criminal. Maybe it is. Maybe that's the criminal thing she's done... Insanity is not a crime.

However, insanity in such amounts as what Shadow has/does/whatever... Insanity that consists of hijacking animal control vehicles and driving them like you have to on Crazy Taxi, insanity that consists of taking so many tranquilizers that it'd kill you but being hyper because of it, insanity that consists of anything any normal human does not or can not do... That might be a crime.

**............... ............ ....... ..... .... ... ..**

**In case you're wondering, yes, Eclipse did run over my arm with a bike, but it was an accident... And it was more funny than painful, looking at the tire marks on my skin...  
And she doesn't remember it.   
How was it an accident, you ask? And how did my arm end up on the ground for her to run over? I was riding a scooter... And I wrecked, and she was behind me on her bike, and she couldn't stop, then... SPLAT. My arm had tire tracks on it. It was funny. I was laying there laughing instead of saying, "OH MY GOD, THAT HURT, HOW DARE YOU, I'M GONNA KILL YOU, AHHHHH!" Or even, "Oh crap. That hurt. Now I shall kill you." Or even, "LET ME RUN OVER YOUR _FACE_ WITH THAT BIKE AND SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT!"  
Nope... I fell down the stairs before and lay at the bottom laughing for five minutes...**

**On other topics, I think waiting longer between posting chapters has a positive effect... I get more reviews per chapter... And people start getting like, "ARGH, WHEN THE HELL IS SHE GONNA POST? I HATE HER! I WANNA KILL HER!" Then I post and you love me. Heh heh.**


	6. Bonding Time

_**Guess what?  
THE AUTHORESS ****SPEAKS!!!  
AGAIN!!!**__**  
Reviews for Chapter Five, Pulsating Egg Creature  
**Lovely title for a chapter, isn't it?_

**KageYoukai-** Well, "strange, wrong, and most certainly twisted" pretty much describes my mind. Erm... If I had a mind, that is...O.o  
**animerocker-** How do I come up with it? Even I don't know the answer to that.  
**xkuroxshinobix-** Once again I manage to update the next day. I'm so proud of myself.  
**Kaoru-the-kitsune-** Do you live in the US? Do they even have Wolf's Rain in English for sale in the US yet? Like, in stores? Cuz I looked... I wanna buy the manga, too... If they have that... Anywhere... Cuz I'm collecting manga... Shaman King, Cowboy Bebop, Rurouni Kenshin, and Trigun so far...  
**Mika Saito-** Yes. Ponder. Something I don't do. Ponderingness is bad for my brain. It requires thought. Which is something I don't do. Very often. I never even thought to do my schoolwork... Maybe that's why I almost got a B in math. (And it's probably not surprising Shadow has an egg creature in her fridge because you've read my story(s) and know how screwed up Shadow is.)  
**CCC-** Ah. Much easier to type. Yes, I'll post. Voila. See?  
**Arrow-Tipped Kestrel-** "Almost." You might feel bad for him after this chapter...  
**kiinu-** What, don't you have egg creatures in your fridge?  
**Name1-** You _live_? That's good. But I don't. See me? I'm dead. Dead. Yup.  
**Bar-Ohki-** Drinking contest, eh? /maniacal laughter/ Possibilities open up in my mind... that I don't have. Possibilities open up in the empty space in my skull where normally a brain would be... Muwaha...  
**Saeble-** Toboe hasn't talked much either. I'll get them in there. Kiba talks a bit in this chapter...  
**Draikitha-** (You mean Tsume is sexy, right? You said Tomoe...) Yeah, the first episode of Wolf's Rain I watched, I thought Toboe was a girl... Eclipse had watched it from the second episode on, I started watching it at episode eight... So I was talking to her and I'm like, "Are any of them girls? Cuz one of them looked like a girl... I thought so, at least..." And she's like, "No, none of them are girls..." Heh heh. Oops.  
**Starfox-** You got your arm run over by a car? Ouch.  
**Okami Youkai-** This chapter is five pages long according to Microsoft Word... using size 10 MS Reference Sans Serif text... I've written longer, though, I think. I usually measure by words. Using MW it says it's 2,335 words... Whatever though.  
**Kitsune Klepto-** I'm not gonna post slower, cuz I got a lot of reviews on this chapter after saying that... Heh heh heh. Odd coincidence, do you think?

**_Onward!_**

**CHAPTER SIX  
**"Bonding Time"

"I wonder what Kurama's great idea was," Yusuke said.

"Probably dragging Hiei out the door so Shadow wouldn't kill him," Eclipse said.

"That's a possibility."

"WHO WANTS TO PLAY POKER?!" Shadow hollered suddenly, holding up a deck of cards.

"I will, I will!" Eclipse said. "Without the cheaters around, I might actually have a chance!"

"In your dreams, Blue Eyes!"

"Then I must be dreamin', Red Eyes, cuz I'm gonna win!"

"WANNA BET?"

"Sure!"

Half an hour later, Shadow had a nice pile of Eclipse's possessions, and she was still on a winning streak.

"MUWAHAHA! What was it you were saying about winning, Blue Eyes?"

"I vill be bock," Eclipse said, mocking Arnold Schwarzenegger... or however you spell it. She stood up and walked out of the room. Tsume sat down in her seat.

"You've been cheating the entire time," he said.

"No I haven't. How would you know? Do you even know how to _play_ poker?"

"It's not all that hard to figure out after watching for a bit."

"You were watching?!"

"Don't tell me you didn't notice..."

"I didn't notice."

Tsume groaned. "How can you miss a big gray wolf lying on the couch?"

"I'm blind and stupid," Shadow said dryly. "Hey, wanna play a game?"

"I know all your cheats. I'll beat you."

"I'd like to see you try, there, Mister White-Hair."

And a short time later, Tsume had won all of Eclipse's possessions as well as a few of Shadow's, and everyone else in the house had gathered to watch.

"You should go against Youko," Yusuke suggested. "I'd like to see you beat _him_, Mister Macho Wolf."

"I bet he could, the stupid furball..." Shadow muttered. Tsume tipped back in his chair, chuckling.

"All right. I'm done humiliating you, Shadow," he said. He got up and turned away.

"Not gonna keep your winnings?" Shadow asked, annoyed.

"I was just winning to humiliate you."

A vessel popped out on Shadow's temple. "You know, we haven't had any good boyfriend-girlfriend _bonding time_. Come with me."

Shadow pushed him up the stairs.

"I don't think that's good," Yusuke said.

"Bonding time?" Eclipse muttered.

"Tsume can handle himself," Kiba said, smiling. "Even around that psycho."

"_Bonding time?_" Eclipse repeated again.

"Nobody is safe around that psycho, even if they're kung-fu voodoo class S super demons with the ability to paralyze the body or control the mind," Yusuke said.

"Bonding time..." Eclipse said, nodding. Then she turned around and left.

"I don't really think she's that bad, Urameshi," Kuwabara muttered.

"Well that's cuz you're an IDIOT," Yusuke snapped.

"Hey! Take that back!"

"You're ugly, too," Eclipse said, wandering up the stairs. "_Bonding_...?"

"Heeyyyyy! They're gangin' up on me!"

"You need it, baka..." Yusuke said. Eclipse got halfway up the stairs, stopped, then came back down.

"I don't wanna interrupt their _bonding time_ if it is what I think it is..."

"What do you mean?" Hige asked.

"Hmm? Oh, nothing," Eclipse said. "She's probably just up there killing him if you can judge by how she was when she dragged him up there..."

"I told you, Tsume can take care of himself," Kiba said.

"I don't know, Kiba. Shadow's something different," Hige said, chuckling. "She's a _girl_."

"What, are you saying Tsume can't handle himself around women?" Yusuke asked.

"Are you saying Tsume's gay?" Kuwabara asked.

"Wolves can't be gay, stupid!" Eclipse snapped.

"He'd have to be gay to wear that outfit..." Kuwabara muttered.

"Wolves can't be gay, can they Kiba?" Eclipse asked.

"I don't know any gay wolves..." Kiba said.

"What about Tsume?" Kuwabara asked.

"TSUME ISN'T GAY!" Eclipse snapped, hitting him. "If he was, he would have already made a move on Hiei... Or Kurama. Not you. You're too ugly."

"Hey! Well who's to say you're not a lesbian?"

"I'M TO SAY!" Eclipse snapped, kicking Kuwabara in the shin.

"Oww..."

"You know, those two could be upstairs just around the corner listening to us..." Yusuke muttered.

"Shadow probably has every room in this house bugged... With a giant control board in her bedroom closet... So she can listen to whoever, whenever... She could listen to Hiei talking in his sleep... She probably has tiny little cameras everywhere, too, so she can watch Hiei sleep... And the screens are also in her bedroom closet... Or it's all in the room with the weasels... Nobody goes in there... They can't. Not without getting eaten..." Eclipse muttered, making everyone paranoid.

"You mean she could watch us in the shower?" Kuwabara asked.

"Anybody but you, baka..." Eclipse said. "Because you're ugly, and seeing you naked would kill even the most stubborn of bacterias..."

"Are you saying Shadow's a bacteria?" Yusuke asked. He was ignored, however, as Kuwabara glared.

"I doubt Shadow's smart enough to know how to operate all that stuff, anyway."

"You'd be surprised, Baka-Ultimus..." Eclipse said.

"And where would she get the money for it all?" Yusuke asked.

"And have it all installed properly without Hiei knowing?" Kiba pointed out.

"Really! I'm gonna go ask her!"

"And interrupt her '_bonding time_?'" Eclipse said.

"I don't care about bonding, you guys got me mad! And when KAZUMA KUWABARA GETS MAD, HE DOESN'T STOP 'TIL HE'S SATISFIED!" He ran off. Eclipse snorted.

"He doesn't stop until somebody knocks him out..." Yusuke muttered, chuckling. "You guys wanna play cards or go for a walk or something? I'm sure nothing interesting will happen for a while..."

"What, and leave Shadow and Tsume alone in the house? Are you nuts?!" Eclipse said.

"Hiei and Kurama will be back soon..."

"No, I'm not going anywhere..." Eclipse said. "No way. Not unless one of those two lovebirds comes with. Preferably Shadow, cuz separate her and Tsume and she'll just victimize Hiei and Kurama when they get back..."

"_Both_ of them?" Yusuke asked. "What do you mean by 'victimize,' anyway? Do you mean 'ra--'"

"Shut up, Yusuke," Eclipse said warningly. The three wolves were staring.

"Right. She doesn't rape. She _seduces_. My mistake."

Meanwhile, upstairs...

Shadow and Tsume were sitting on her bed having some quality conversation (honestly, that's all they were doing. Talking. TALKING. By saying words! Whatever other definition of the word you may have learned from your friends or parents when you were little, that's not what I mean!) when they heard Kuwabara's voice.

"Hey Shadow!"

You know how Shadow likes to freak out Kuwabara, right? Yes. She does. Usually by insinuating things about her and Hiei. Well Hiei isn't around.

She looked at the partially open door and a plan flashed into her mind. Boom. Just like that.

"Tsume, don't hate me for this."

"For what?"

She pinned him on his back on the bed and kissed him. Half a split second later, Kuwabara pushed open the door the rest of the way and stepped in, already starting a sentence, which he instantly cut off upon seeing the two making out on Shadow's bed.

He moved his mouth wordlessly for a minute, little squeaks coming out instead of words. Shadow pulled back and looked up at Kuwabara with mock-startled...ness.

"Kuwabara! What're you--"

**"YOU'RE MAKING OUT WITH A WOLF!!!"** the baka screamed. He back up and tore back down the stairs.

Shadow burst out laughing. "Baka... I'm sorry Tsume. Do you hate me now? Cuz I kissed you just to freak him out?"

"No, it was actually rather funny."

"Kuwabara freaks out anytime he sees me kiss anyone... So I do it more when he's around just to freak him out."

"I see."

Who knows what happened with those two after that, because the authoress will let your imagination wander (just not _that_ far... Keep it on a leash... Jeez. Perv.) as she switches to Kuwabara's situation.

"What was that, Kuwabara?" Eclipse asked when he came barreling down the stairs. "She was making out with him?"

Kuwabara nodded frantically.

"Ah... Well then, so she _wasn't_ with Hiei last night..." she said with a smirk. Kuwabara screamed like a girl and ran away.

"What are you talking about?" Hige asked, horrified.

"Tsume slept down here last night," Kiba said.

"I know. She slept alone too. I just felt like saying that to horrify him. Seems like it worked on Hige, too," Eclipse said, smiling. Kiba looked at her with narrowed eyes.

"Since when were _you_ the cruel and sadistic type, Eclipse?"

"Since always!" Eclipse said cheerfully, her smile bigger than ever. Kuwabara ran back into the room.

"She was making out with a _wolf_!!! A wolf! That's disgusting! That's unsanitary! How could she cheat on Hiei like that?"

"Is Hiei even here right now?" Eclipse asked. "Besides, it's no worse than you making out with a pillow..."

"Yes it is! Pillows don't have mouths! They don't have tongues! They can't kiss ba-- How'd you know about that?!"

"You made out with a pillow?!" Hige asked incredulously.

"Yes he did. Shadow taped it without him knowing," Eclipse said.

"DOESN'T ANYBODY CARE?!" Kuwabara screamed. "SHE WAS LAYING ON TOP OF HIM ON HER BED KISSING HIM! THAT DOESN'T CONCERN ANYONE? YOU DON'T THINK IT MIGHT BE WORTH A LITTLE INTEREST?"

"Nobody gives a rat's ass, baka," Hiei said, walking in the door in time to catch everything from 'that doesn't concern anyone' on.

Eclipse snorted. "You might."

"What? Why?" Hiei said.

"SHE WAS MAKING OUT WITH HIM ON HER BED, HIEI!" Kuwabara screamed.

"... What?"

"Shadow. And Tsume. Were in her room. On her bed. KISSING," Kuwabara explained. He made a gagging noise and ran into the bathroom.

"He's prolly hacking up a hairball from kissing his cat all the time..." Eclipse muttered. "So why did you guys leave for so long?"

"Ask Kurama about it. I'm gonna go talk to Shadow," Hiei said, not the least bit of hostile edge in his voice, nothing but calmness, nothing that might say he was about to rip out somebody's throat...

He walked upstairs.

"You think he's gonna kill her?" Yusuke asked, walking into the room.

"I doubt it. We'll know in a minute," Eclipse said.

"I'm following him," Hige said. A minute later a large brown wolf was walking silently up the stairs.

The door to Shadow's room was closed. Hiei opened it without bothering to knock, following the line of thought that _This is my house too and I shouldn't have to knock._

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything," he said dryly.

Hige sneaked up and sat just outside the door in human form to listen.

"Interrupting? What would you be interrupting?" Shadow asked, her face plastered to the TV screen as she played Crazy Taxi (practicing to drive, of course. She _is_ nearly sixteen...).

"I dunno."

(For those of your who didn't keep your damned imagination on a leash, you'd better go catch it, cuz it was under five minutes between the time Kuwabara ran screaming down the stairs to the time Hiei went up to Shadow's room. Nothing much can happen in that time...)

"From your mock-casual tone, I'm assuming you talked to that human baka?" Tsume said, stretched out on Shadow's bed.

"Well, yes, he talked to me the second I walked in the door."

"And?" Shadow prompted.

"He says he caught you two making out?"

Shadow chuckled. "Baka. Can't keep his mouth shut... You know I did it just to freak him out. You know how I do that."

"Yes, you do. And it works, too."

"So I'd noticed," Shadow said. "That's why I keep doing it."

"Uh-huh."

Shadow blinked. "Oh, I'm sorry Hiei! Are you jealous?"

"Not--"

Before he could finish his sentence, Shadow planted a big kiss on his lips. Tsume chuckled.

"Happy now?" Shadow asked.

"I was going to say I'm not jealous."

"Are you mad?"

"Not really."

"Jolly good! Just make sure you're the one around so I don't have to kiss wolves anymore. It's an odd experience," Shadow said.

"I can imagine..." Hiei muttered. Tsume got up and walked out of Shadow's room, stopping in the doorway and looking down at Hige.

"What're _you_ doing?" he asked.

"Oh, hi Tsume!" Hige said, jumping up. "I was just... waiting until you guys stopping talking so I could go down the hall. I didn't want you guys to see me pass the door and think I'd been eavesdropping or something, because I wasn't!"

"I'm sure. Get out of here," Tsume said, giving Hige a push in the direction of the stairs.

The two of them arrived in the living room to several pairs of curious eyes.

"I didn't hear any giant fight..." Kuwabara said.

"Because there wasn't one," Hige said, sounding kind of disappointed.

"There wasn't?! But wasn't Hiei mad?!" he asked.

"Nope," Tsume said, chasing Eclipse off the couch so he could lay down.

"Didn't Shadow assign you guys bedrooms? Why should I have to get off the couch just so you can lay down when you have a bedroom?" Eclipse complained, moving anyway.

"Because Tsume says so, and Tsume is always superior and right, didn't you know," Hige said dryly. Tsume opened one eye to glare.

"Shut up, Hige," he said, no real anger in his voice.

"So what was your grand idea, Kurama?" Eclipse asked.

"I'll talk later. Right now, sleep sounds pretty good." And with that, he vanished up the stairs.

"Stupid fox," Eclipse muttered. "I'll just ask Hiei about it later."

"Forget it. Hiei's probably sleeping up in Shadow's room already," Yusuke said. Eclipse shrugged.

"Oh well. I don't particularly care. Good night everybody."

"What time is it, anyway?" Yusuke asked.

"There's clocks all over the house, despite Shadow's hatred for them. Look at one. You can read time, can't you?" Eclipse said.

"Yes I can read time, stupid!"

"Then if you look at the clock you'll see it's already almost midnight," Eclipse said matter-of-factly.

"Midnight?! Oh, crap! I gotta get home," Yusuke said. Him and Kuwabara ran out the door, leaving the wolves to make themselves comfortable wherever they saw fit. And they did, lying on the couch, in chairs, or upstairs in the bedrooms assigned to them (on beds much more comfortable than the floor).

**.......... ......... ........ ....... ...... ..... .... ... .. .**

**Boring, cruddy ending... I'll get into what Kurama's wonderful idea was in the next chapter, maybe, and I suddenly had an idea how a drinking contest could fit into this story, Bar-Ohki... So there's a high probability it'll be there. /hugs/ Thank you for the idea! :)  
**Oh, you know, if I ever spell anything wrong, like your name, or write the wrong word but it's similar to the one that should be there... Like I noticed I'd written "man" instead of "men" in one chapter... Half the time when I type, a certain combination of letters that's in one word but not the one I'm writing... Like writing "wrote" I wrote "wrong." Right? Heh heh. And sometimes my hands get ahead of my mind... or the other way around, and I write the word my mind is thinking of instead of the word that comes next in the sentence. Right there I was writing "next" but I wrote "in." Jeez. But then I was typing an email to Eclipse and I was typing as fast as I was thinking (really fast. The speed I would have been rambling had I been on the phone, and I can talk fast. I can sing REM's "It's the end of the world as we know it." I nearly memorized it.), and I barely messed up at all...


	7. Criminals Roasting Marshmallows

**_THE AUTHORESS SPEAKS.  
WELL ACTUALLY, SHE TYPES.  
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, DAMMIT.  
Reviews for Chapter Six, "Bonding Time"_**

**Okami Youkai-** Heh heh. Your review made me laugh. I thought people'd think me psycho for having Shadow kiss Tsume...  
**Name1-** Yes, I'm dead, but I can still type! That's all that matters, right?  
**Draikitha-** Blues Clues is scary. It frightened me... the one time I watched it... when I was really little... Didn't know the guy killed himself though... Knew about the Dell dude... But not the other guy...  
**C.C.C.-** GOOD IDEA!!! ::hugs:: After I finish this story... and my other ones... But probably not... I'll probably start it tomorrow... I'll write that! I already have a million possibilities opening up in the empty space in my skull!  
**Kaoru-the-kitsune-** Yes, satellite is a good thing to have. I wanna get Wolf's Rain on DVD as soon as I can find any...   
**kiinu-** FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING GOOD IN THIS WORLD, DO **NOT** OPEN YOUR FRIDGE! A friend of a friend of a cousin of an aunt of a parent of a child whose sister works in McDonald's in a state where there's a dog belonging to a smart person with a nephew who can't read but knows why his father's friend's business associate who lives far, far away from me put something in there that has turned into a green rice cake with eyes and fangs seeping poisonous vemon... (That made no sense.)  
**chocogurl-** HI. I started watching Wolf's Rain at episode eight and boy do I regret that... I wish I'd started at episode one... I started watching it first week of summer vacation... Yes, I suppose I could be called a Tsume fanatic... **:)** I like Kiba, too, of course... The other two are annoying in their own special ways... My influence, eh? Yes... That's what it is... _Influence_... Don't believe any of that stuff they tell you about subliminal messages... ::shifty eyes::  
**Arrow-Tipped Kestrel-** Yes, it _is_ fun to torture anime characters. That's why Shadow exists... Sort of. But she's very useful when it comes to such things.  
**Black Cat-** Have you ever considered that maybe _you_ are the ruler of Hell? Cuz I don't think that even my sister made torture plans when she was six... O.o ::cough-cough-psycho-cough::  
**Mika Saito-** I would've had a B in math had my teacher not decided to be nice and not count the final (which I got a C on... Lovely, Geometry...) Next year I go into Advanced Algebra... I was in Algebra 1 in 7th grade... Hated it. It was probably the teacher, though... But I always had one point above a B. Heh heh.  
**Bar-Ohki-** The relationship between Hiei and Shadow is whatever you want to think of it as. I'm not confirming anything. But you will never see a romance story on my page. Nope. Humor is all I write... At least, that's all I write for the public to read.  
**xkuroxshinobix-** Ah... You read them, but did you review them all...? In other words... YOU READ ALL MY STORIES, I LOVE YOU! In that friend sorta way... O.o

**_Get on with it...  
Okee dokee!_**

**CHAPTER SEVEN  
**Criminals Roasting Marshmallows

It was long after midnight when Shadow's stupidity caught up with her. She never locks the door at night, you see, because most people know the rumors of her house being full of psychos and murderers and whatnot else that's in there... Well, it's not full of them, it's just one person, but still, the rumors fly.

Some rather daring and stupid teenagers, new to Tokyo, had heard the rumors and decided to see whether or not they were true. Wearing dark clothes, three kids snuck up onto the front porch, whispering and whatnot, and checked the door. Being as it was open, they all looked at each other and one reached out and opened it. Simple as that.

"Well that was easy," he whispered.

"Shhh! Go in!"

The kid stepped into the dark house, followed by his two partners. They snooped around a bit before heading farther into the house.

They knew they'd made a mistake the second they walked into the living room.

Two snarling wolves stood side-by-side in the middle of the room.

"Oh _shit_," one kid said. "Run!"

They tore back towards the door. Kiba and Tsume easily jumped the couch and went after them.

Shadow, up in her room playing video games, heard the door slam. Hiei woke up and both of them ran out of the room (why Hiei slept in Shadow's room is beyond me...), and down the stairs, being joined by Eclipse, Kurama, and the other two wolves on the way.

They found three black-clad teens standing in the yard, terrified beyond anything they'd ever felt before by the two wolves, who were simply sitting in front of them, eyes glowing.

"You two stay on the porch. I wanna handle this," Shadow said to her friends. Toboe and Hige at her sides, she walked up behind the three boys and tapped one on the shoulder.

"AH!" He spun around.

"What were you doing in my house?" she asked. Her nearly-cheerful calmness was scarier than explosions of fury would have been.

"Don't kill me! Don't kill me!" the kid begged.

"TELL ME WHAT THE HELL YOU WERE DOING IN MY HOUSE AND I MIGHT NOT!"

"We heard rumors! That a witch or a devil or a vampire or some kind of sex goddess or sacrificial voodoo rapist or something lived here, and we heard that there's all kinds of money and jewels and stuff in there!"

"Really?" Shadow said cluelessly. "So did you break into my house for the jewels or to be raped and sacrificed?"

The kids stared. "Are you really...?"

"So let me get this straight. You think I'm some kind of vampiric devil-witch who kidnaps people to make them my sex slaves then I sacrifice them to some kind of gothic God of the Underworld and somehow that gets me a lot of riches?"

Up on the porch, the others couldn't help but laugh at the thought of Shadow being like that.

"Well... That's... what the rumors..." one kid muttered. Shadow chuckled.

"Who tells you these rumors?"

"Everybody at school talks..."

"And how many of them have actually been here?"

"Nobody ever gets farther than the sidewalk unless it's daylight. They're too scared," one kid said.

"We didn't think it could be that bad, so we got dared..."

"Dared?! You broke into my house because of a dare?"

"Well, it wasn't really breaking in..."

"Why not?"

"The door was unlocked."

"TRESPASSING, STUPID!" Shadow screamed.

"Are you going to kill us?" the first kid asked. "You really don't seem that bad... And you look like you're about fourteen..."

"I'm nearly one hundred, for your information, and YES I'M THAT BAD! I just don't kill," Shadow said.

"You don't?"

"No." After a carefully timed pause, she said maniacally, "I _SACRIFICE!_ NOW GET THE HELL OUTTA MY YARD BEFORE I SACRIFICE _YOU!_ AND THERE'LL BE NO SEX ABOUT IT!" Her eyes glowed and she created fireballs in her hands, laughing maniacally. The kids got up and ran screaming from the yard. The second their screams faded, Shadow collapsed onto the ground, laughing so hard she couldn't breath.

Kiba stood above her. "'Vampiric devil-witch'? What the heck would you do to make people think that?!"

Shadow caught her breath, lying on the ground with a big smile on her face. "Damn, I should have fed them to the weasels..."

Kiba's eyes widened.

"Nah... Cuz then they wouldn't be able to go tell stories and make my legend greater..."

"Shadow, having people think of you as a vampiric devil-witch who sacrifices her sex slaves to the God of the Underworld isn't all that great to start with..." Tsume informed her.

"Are you kidding? That's awesome!" Shadow said, laughing again. Tsume sighed and headed back to the house.

"... Is she okay?" Toboe asked him a short distance away.

"She's fine," Tsume said. "She's beyond fine, in fact, she's really happy."

Toboe cast a glance at her before hurrying after Tsume.

The next morning, at some disgustingly early hour, Shadow's doorbell rang. Yes, the annoying doorbell that swears at you if you don't get to the door fast enough.

Well, Shadow had been playing video games all night, hadn't slept a second, which isn't unusual and may be part of the reason she's so psycho all the time. So, of course, _she_ was the one to come bouncing down the stairs, skip into the kitchen and grab a bottle of Mello Yello before answering the door, which had started to get mad and say things like, "Answer the door. Now. Before something falls off the ceiling and impales itself through your skull."

"Hellooo-- Oh! Hello, Mister Cop!"

Yup. There were two police officers standing outside her door.

"Hello... There was a report early this morning made by some kids... They said they saw the escaped wolves here, and that you tried to kill them. The kids, not the wolves."

"There's no wolves here," Shadow said. "And I'm a scrawny fifteen-year-old girl who owns no gun. Do you really think I could kill somebody?"

"Do you mind if we take a look around your house?"

"Do you honestly think I'd be stupid enough to keep wolves _in_ my house?" Shadow asked.

"The kids said they saw the wolves come out of your house, so yes, I think you may have them in your house."

"Whatever," Shadow said. "But it'll take your quite a while to search every room in my house... Four floors... Five or eight or more rooms on each floor..."

"Just move aside and let us in," the cop said. Shadow sighed and stepped out of the way. Tsume and Kiba were obviously awake and had heard the conversation, as Tsume was lying on the couch watching TV, and Kiba was headed up the stairs, probably to warn Toboe and Hige.

"Records show there are two people living in this house," the cop was saying. "Where's your father?"

"My father?!" Shadow said, choking. "He's not my father."

"Who is he, then?"

"He's my... uh... Guardian. Yeah. That's it."

"Who's this?" the cop asking, pointing at Tsume.

"Boyfriend. You know, this is a little early, so if you open a door and see people sleeping, don't go in..."

"Who else is here?!"

"About..." Shadow paused to count on her fingers. "Six other people."

"Six?! Why?"

"Friends visiting from... er..." She pulled out a map of Japan from... somewhere... "From Osaka! Yeah. That's it."

Tsume looked at her sideways but didn't say anything.

"And a couple of them are visiting from Tokyo..." she said, thinking.

"We're in Tokyo," the cop said.

"We are? Crab apples..."

The man quirked an eyebrow. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"She's fine," Tsume said before she could answer.

The second cop walked in. "It's all clear down he-- Where the hell do you get off wearing clothes like that?" He was staring at Tsume. "Clothes that sexy should be illegal!"

Shadow gagged, spinning and hiding her face against Tsume's chest. "Oh my God, Tsume, he's gay," she squeaked. "Gay cops... Now I'm scared..."

Tsume, meanwhile, was rather shocked and suddenly wanted to go hide somewhere where nobody would ever find him again.

"Let's continue, shall we..." the first cop said, pushing his partner towards the stairs. Tsume followed them around as Shadow led them, but he stayed a safe distance from the cops.

Shadow made it a kind of tour. "This is my room... That's Hiei in the bed..."

"Why's he in your bed if that's your boyfriend?" the first cop asked, pointing at Tsume. The second cop used this as an excuse to look at Tsume again.

"Because I don't sleep. He just kinda sleeps wherever he is when he feels tired," Shadow said, shrugging. "It's not like I sleep with my guardian or anything..."

"That's your guardian?" the cop asked.

"Shadow," Tsume muttered. Shadow glanced at him and noticed the cop. She not-very-subtly placed herself between the cop and Tsume again.

"Yes, he's my guardian. Normally he'd wake up if the doorbell rang, but I kept him awake most of the night," Shadow said. Then she blinked, realizing that the way she said it had possibilities to be taken the wrong way. "I was playing video games."

"Ah."

They continued the search/tour, and eventually Shadow decided she'd just permanently place herself between the cop and Tsume, because he was making Tsume really uncomfortable.

When they came to Eclipse's room and opened the door, she screamed bloody murder and slammed it back in their faces.

"Erm... We'll get her room last... Dunno why she'd flip out like that... Tsume, go talk to her," Shadow said, opening the door and pushing Tsume in before Eclipse could shut it in their faces and before Tsume could complain.

Well obviously, the cops found no wolves, but as they were walking back down the second floor hallway, they noticed a door with a "High Voltage, Do Not Enter" sign on it.

"What's in there?" the cop asked, stopping.

"... High voltage. I dunno. I've never opened it since we moved in cuz of that sign," Shadow lied, shrugging. "It's probably full of dead bodies."

The cops both pulled out their guns.

"Stand back."

You know what happened next? Course ya don't, fool! I haven't written it yet!

The cops opened the door and screamed bloody murder as a herd of hungry weasels came flying out at them. Shadow stood there.

"Oh shit," she said plainly. "This isn't good."

The cops ran screaming down the stairs, abandoning use of their guns as the weasels were too fast to shoot, and ran screaming out the door and back into their car and down the street. Shadow ran onto the porch and whistled really loud and high-pitched, making the wolves in her house flinch. The weasels all stopped. Shadow walked past them, down the street, down the street some more, until she found a door-to-door salesman at work. She grabbed him and dragged him back to her house.

Of course, she couldn't let the weasels eat him in plain sight, so she dragged him into her house, up to the weasels's room, and threw him in. And the weasels all pounced on him. And Shadow shut the door, so who knows what happened next.

Of course, Eclipse and Tsume had just come out of her room as Shadow threw the poor struggling guy into the room among the bones and the herd of weasels flooded into the room. Tsume stared, slack-jawed.

"That's just psycho," he said as Shadow shut the door.

"What do you think I am?!" Shadow asked. "Not psycho? No, I'm a psycho, and psychos to psycho things, y'know?!"

"Get used to it, Tsume. Your girlfriend is a psycho," Eclipse said, shrugging. "Well, I'm going to go play video games."

"Not in my room you're not!" Shadow warned over the screams of the quickly-dying salesman.

"Why not?"

"Hiei's in there sleeping. I already had him up most of the night."

"You did?! What were you doing? You had Hiei up most of the night in your room? You pervert!" Eclipse said.

"_I'm_ the pervert? Why am I the pervert?!"

"Because you were..." She whispered the rest of the sentence in Shadow's ear, and Shadow hit her in the head.

"YOU PERVERT! I was doing no such thing! I was playing video games! God... You're sick. Well what were you and Tsume doing while the cops were searching the house? Hmm? You could have done anything in there and I wouldn't have known!" she snapped. "And why did you scream when they opened the door? Maybe you were already doing naughty things! With KURAMA!"

Eclipse gagged. "Yeah right!"

"Sure, sure, whatever... You know, I didn't see him in his room..."

"Prolly cuz he was in your room."

"My room? Why would he be in my room?" Shadow asked suspiciously.

"You have to ask? You're the one who was &()$#!&(%)-&$%--$#."

"YOU PSYCHO! If me and Hiei _did_ $%&-, it would be ALONE."

"How can you $%&- when you're alone? That takes two people!"

"YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, YOU $%&-ER!"

"OH, SO _I'M_ A $%&-ER? AT LEAST I DON'T MAKE OUT WITH EVERY GUY I SEE!"

"OH YEAH? NEITHER DO I! HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ME MAKING OUT WITH KUWABARA?"

"Just cuz I haven't seen you do it doesn't mean you haven't. I never saw you making out with Tsume, but obviously you did."

"Yeah, well I haven't seen you making out with _anybody_, pansy!"

"Pansy? What, cuz I don't make out with people?"

"Yeah!"

They seemed on the verge of physical violence when Tsume intervened.

"Okay, kids," he said, stepping between them. "Go about your separate business... Stop killing each other."

"We weren't killing each other," Shadow said innocently.

"Yeah. We were just joking," Eclipse added. "We do this all the time."

Tsume stared. Then he groaned and leaned against the wall, putting his hand on his forehead.

"Why me...?"

Shadow and Eclipse went off to see what other creative friendly argument they could get into.

Later that day, Yusuke and Kuwabara came back, no big surprise... They might as well live there too...

Kuwabara kept giving Shadow funny looks. Eventually, Shadow got kinda sick of it and decided to chase him off. Tsume was sitting on the couch, looking kind of bored, so Shadow went and sat down beside him, resting her head against his chest, pulling his arm from where it rested on the back of the couch to wrap it around herself. Tsume stared at her.

"Freaking out Kuwabara again," she said, smirking. Tsume sighed.

And, of course, when Kuwabara wandered in, he stared for a second at the two--Shadow apparently asleep against Tsume, Tsume looking up at him with an innocent look--and went stumbling out of the room to complain and babble to Hiei about it. He'd barely got out of the room however, when he screamed and ran. Shadow burst out laughing.

"Idiot," she said, getting up. "Now, I'm going to go talk to Kurama."

And she went skipping away. Literally. Tsume went back to... whatever he'd been doing previous to her little 'freak out Kuwabara' thing...

A minute later, her and Eclipse went skipping out the door.

"I thought she was gonna talk to Kurama..." Tsume muttered.

Hiei came down the stairs with Kurama behind him.

"Did Shadow and Eclipse just come through here?" Hiei asked. Tsume nodded.

"Looking for _you_," he added.

"Where'd they go?"

"Outside."

The two went outside after them.

"Oi, Shadow!" Hiei called. Shadow was doing somersaults in the yard, and handstands, and cartwheels, and pretty much just looking very.... Whatcha callit... Aerobic? Oo

"What?" Shadow chimed, walking along on her hands.

"Tsume said you were looking for us," Hiei said.

"That I was," she said, doing a one-handed cartwheel. Hiei waited for her to continue, but when she went into repeated somersaults, he spoke up.

"Well... Care to tell me why?"

"I just wanted to know."

Meanwhile, Eclipse came crawling slowly out of the forest on her hands and knees, her face practically on the ground for no obvious reason, muttering quietly to herself. Kurama and Hiei stared at her for a minute before turning back to Shadow.

"What did you want to know?" Kurama asked.

"What you brilliant idea was yesterday."

"Oh. Well, I might as well explain it to everyone at once so as to avoid repeated asking of the same question..."

Shadow did a forward flip and landed right in front of Kurama, her face up in his, a big smile on her face.

"You want me to call a family meeting?!" She took a deep breath without waiting for an answer, getting ready to yell. Kurama clamped his hand over her mouth.

"That's quite alright, Shadow. I'm sure there's a way we can call a meeting without announcing it to all of Tokyo."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" came Eclipse's screamed. She was on her feet, chasing after a bee. "MY BABY BUMBLEBEE!!! NOW MY MOMMY CAN'T BE PROUD OF ME!!!"

And she promptly ran out into the road and got hit by a semi.

Just kidding, I wouldn't do that to her... Kurama would kill me...

"What?!"

Forget it. She ran out into the road and was nearly hit by a truck, but it slammed on its brakes and stopped barely an inch from Eclipse without her flinching. She'd stopped, of course, when she heard the brakes, and stood staring at the driver with a look of clueless innocence on her face. The driver had a majorly freaked-out look on his face and jumped out of the truck, as did the passenger.

"Hey, aren't you one of the kids who broke into my house last night?" Shadow asked, suddenly on the roof of the truck. The kid jumped five feet in the air. Then he stared at her, perched on the truck as she was, as if it were nothing strange to sit on the roof of a truck that nearly splattered her best friend all over the pavement and accuse a total stranger of breaking into her house.

Of course, the driver of the truck was too busy screaming at Eclipse (who stood there, clueless innocence written all over her face, giving him a look like she didn't understand a word he was saying but was just standing there to be polite) to notice that his son was being accused of breaking into a house by a girl sitting on the top of his truck.

Shadow did a flip off the truck and got up in his face. "Yes indeed, I think you are. You know, the cops came by this morning. Yup yup, they sure did. They didn't find any wolves, either. You must be insane. I didn't see any wolves last night. Nope. I didn't rape them either, and I didn't sacrifice them, and one of them was gay, but my minions scared them off. After they thoroughly searched the house. Yeah. That's why my minions had to scare them off. Cuz they found their secret hideout. Yup yup. The Weasel Minions of Doom, with their Rabies and Fangs and Lust for Human Blood. Scared them cops off real good. Yup. Yes sir."

"AND I COULD HAVE KILLED YOU! YOU KIDS ARE JUST SOOOOO DARING NOWADAYS! WHY, BACK WHEN I WAS A KID, WE DIDN'T RUN OUT IN FRONT OF CARS! NO! WE WERE RESPECTFUL! WE ALWAYS FINISHED OUR VEGETABLES! WE ALWAYS DID WHAT OUR PARENTS TOLD US! BUT YOU KIDS THESE DAYS!"

Eclipse was still staring innocently. She hadn't moved more than to blink through the entire lecture.

"I bet I don't seem as scary during the day, right? Well what if I started drooling and looking all psychotic, what with the deranged wide-eyed stare and the stringy drool and the jumping around and making noises like an ape?!" Shadow did an exact imitation of this, jumping around like and ape and making the noises to go with it, drooling and giving him wide-eyed-psycho looks. Then she pinned him down on his back on the ground.

"WHERE'S MY BANANA, BITCH?"

And the kid's father _still_ lectured Eclipse. Hiei and Kurama were watched in an amused sort of way from the yard.

Shadow jumped back up onto the truck, standing up. "What if a cloud suddenly covered the sun and everything got dark?" She made a motion like she was sweeping a cloud over the sun, then she dropped to her hands and knees to get in the kids face. "Would you be scared then?!" Then she jumped back up. "Or what if a herd of geese covered the sky and it got dark for three days, but was light during the night? Would you be scared then?! Or what if LOCUSTS swarmed out your EARS AND NOSE AND MOUTH? WOULD YOU BE SCARED _THEN_? HUH?!"

Eclipse and the boy's father were now watching her, and she was clueless.

"AND GOD'S WRATH IS UPON YOU, SHE SAID, AND LIGHTNING SHOT THROUGH THE SKY! BY THE NEXT FULL MOON, **YOU SHALL BE SMOTED!** AND GOD LAUGHED AND SAID, 'I must be getting old. I don't remember creating that Shadow Jaganshi girl...' AND THEN IT DAWNED ON HIM. SHADOW JAGANSHI IS A CHILD OF SATAN! MUWAHAHAHAHA! AAAHHHHHHAHAHAHA!!! MUWAHAHAHAHA!!! KWEHEHEHEHEH!!! KEKEKEKE!!! Chirrrrrp chiiiirrrrrrrrrp!" She jumped around on the roof of the truck like a monkey, imitating various animal sounds and doing a very good job of it. It sounded like the zoo had just rolled in.

Finally, after at least ten minutes of this, Shadow collapsed and rolled into the back of the truck, landing among many, many suitcases, completely out of breath. He lay there like a wounded animal, her tongue hanging out of her mouth, panting and laughing like a hyena, slightly cross-eyed.

"I don't know what she's talking about," the driver said to the guys who'd gathered in Shadow's yard. "We've never been in Tokyo before."

Shadow blinked. "You haven't?" She jumped out of the truck and landed in front of the boy. "I'm terribly sorry. My mistake." Then she walked casually back towards her house, oblivious that she'd just been filmed by two different film crews.

"We're really sorry about all this," Kurama said. Then he went to the TV vans. "Really, we'd rather you didn't show that on TV."

"Are you nuts? This is a big story!"

"What, some lunatic girl jumping around like a monkey on the roof of a truck? Do you know how many people in this world actually care about that kind of stuff?" Hiei asked. "All they care about on the news is the weather."

"Some people like watching the news to find out about murders, kidnappings, and rapes, too," Shadow said cheerfully, suddenly behind Hiei. The people stared at her. Tsume and Kiba walked up and grabbed her by the arms, dragging her back to the house. She let them, smiling cheerfully all the way, oblivious to the fact that just about every woman in the crowd was staring at Tsume and planning how exactly to kidnap him.

"Hiei, I think you should just fiddle with their minds," Yusuke said. "It'd be simpler."

"True."

So, shortly, the father and son new to Tokyo were on their way down the road, oblivious to what had happened, and all the news vans and curious spectators thought they'd pulled over on the side of the road to watch two escaped criminals roast marshmallows.

**.......................................**

**I'm aware I said I'd tell you what Kurama's plan was... Well it didn't fit into this chapter... Next chapter, then.   
**This chapter had nothing to do with criminals roasting marshmallows 'cept for the thing at the end... Can you tell I just title the chapter whatever I think of first? Heh heh heh.  
This chapter was seven pages and some six or so lines on page eight... Heh heh heh. Long, pointless chapter.  
And the reason I didn't get this up yesterday is cuz it's so long and because of my sister and the cruel cruel world and the library and a whole crapload of other things I could blame it on but won't cuz that'll require too much typing and I'm too damn tired at 2:00 in the morning to do that...  
I just glanced in at the TV, which I left on the weather channel of all channels after Cowboy Bebop... And it scared the shit out of me to see a guy standing in front of the US. Dunno if it was the guy himself that scared me or the fact that he's the size of the US, but I jumped. Now is that not a sign that I should be ASLEEP instead of being a nice person and typing all this shit you don't care about so I can post this chapter? God, I'm a potty mouth at 2 in the morning! Jeez.  
One more thing: Two anime characters who I kinda base Shadow after (of course, being the creator and the biggest influence on her character, **_I_** am the biggest influence on her character...), if I had to pick two, would be Edward (Cowboy Bebop, yes Edward's a girl) and Haruko (Fooly Cooly. Psycho alien "vespa woman" whatever they call her...). Yup. Couple o' Psychos.


	8. Food

**_THE AUTHORESS SPEAKS  
SHE'S GETTING KINDA SICK OF THIS TITLE THINGY  
ARE YOU?  
Reviews for Chapter Seven, Criminals Roasting Marshmallows_**

**kiinu-** If the yogurt ate off your nose, how do you know what the cats smell like? Heh heh. I don't have any cats... I have three dogs... And you can't have Tsume, either, cuz he's **MINE.** At least until I finish this story... ::gets attacked by lawyers and copyright people::  
**Kaoru-the-kitsune-** Yaoi frightens me. ::hides behind Tsume to avoid yaoi and the lawyers and copyright people:: I'll look for that other story... by zufu whatever...  
**Draikitha-** Shadow would: **B)** Feed him to the weasels. Reasons against the other ones: **A)** She doesn't rape people... **C)** He probably wouldn't have any money, having spent it all on drugs... **D)** She doesn't do drugs... She might ask him for drugs to stuff up his nose or something... **E)** She'd do this in addition to feeding him to weasels. She'd throw him in there and say, "DIE, MISTER DRUGGY!" **F)** I didn't choose this one for obvious reasons: Cuz I chose another one. Now then, on other topics, I am aware I haven't updated two of my stories since April... If you read the "News and stuff" on my bio you'd have known that. Shame on you... Congratulations on breaking the rules of summer vacation... YOU USED YOUR BRAIN! How dare you! And... Somehow I doubt Elvis died on the toilet eating a sandwich, but it's possible, I suppose... He died from perscription drug abuse/overdose/whatever... And those commercials for "male enhancements" scare me... It's gross to show that stuff on TV. Little kids could be watching... And go up to their mommy and say, "Mommy, what's an erection?" ...Hack. Now that I'm done writing half a chapter to you as a reply, I'll move on...  
**Psycotic person-** YOU READ ALL MY STORIES TWICE AND YOU'RE STILL ALIVE? You're still around to type a review? They didn't drag you off to the crazy place? CONGRATULATIONS! I haven't even read my stories that many times and the loony bin people are constantly pestering me... Wonder why...  
**Okami Youkai-** I think that if you were my twin from another dimension... Or I were your twin from another dimension... Or whatever you said... I think... We'd probably have killed each other by now...  
**DynamicSniperLover-** I didn't put your review? You prolly reviewed after I'd already posted or uploaded or whatever... Wait... You reviewed chapter six? I don't see a review from you... O.o  
**xkuroxshinobix-** Ah, that's okay. Most of my stories only have 15 or 20 or so reviews... Except the newer ones that have as much as 100... Two of them do, at least... This one has 78 already! Yay!  
**C.C.C.-** MARSHMALLOWS!!! ::hugs:: You know what's cool? Putting marshmallows in the microwave. Heh heh heh. They puff up real big... It's cool.  
**Sessha's Crazy-** You know, you do sound a lot like me... Are you sure you aren't me in some alternate dimension? Then again, just about everyone who reviews my stories has something in common with me... They'd have to to wanna read my stories... They're all INSANE! Jeez... Well anyway, I don't have IM, but if you wanna email me, I'm sure you can find my address on my website someplace...  
**Black Cat-** Where's that quiz? I wanna take it! It'll probably tell me I'm gonna get sent into the cold oblivion of outer space because nobody wants to put up with my insanity for the rest of eternity... Wouldn't that just be my luck?

**CHAPTER EIGHT  
**Food, food, food... And oh, guess what? MORE FOOD!

"So, what _was_ your grand plan, Kurama?" Kiba asked.

Yes, things had gone back to normal... enough... Yes. Normal enough to have the entire mob gathered in one room in Shadow's house so Kurama could inform them of his wonderful plan.

"First, I never said it was a plan, I said it was an idea," Kurama corrected. He hit Shadow for the sixth time to keep her from singing as she was.

"Well then, what was your grand _idea_?" Hige asked.

"I'm not sure exactly how it'll work--Koenma and I haven't figured that much out yet, as it's a very complicated and farfetched idea--but I think that _somehow_ we could hook up a microwave, or something similar, and use some--" Kurama glared at Shadow.

Rocking back and forth, she was singing "Sobakasu," which in itself can annoy any creature, but when she sings it, somehow it gets 800 times worse.

"Hang on a minute." Kurama searched through the drawers of everything in the room until he found what he was looking for. Duct tape.

A moment later, Shadow was silently staring at him with puppy-dog eyes, duct tape over her mouth.

"Hiei, you know your little mind games aren't supposed to work that long on her."

"I know. But I think she purposely zones out and lets the effects roll over their intended time..." Hiei said.

(That is implying, of course, that he screwed with her mind as well as the news crews'... Probably to make her shut up. It didn't work.)

"Why would she do that?" Toboe asked.

"Because it annoys people!" Eclipse sang.

"Yes, exactly," Kurama said. "Now, as I was saying... Microwaves could be used to open a time portal... Of course, we'd probably screw up horribly, as we've never done that before, and we'd send you to the past so you'd end up with Sanosuke and Kenshin."

"Who?"

"Long story," Hiei said. "The point is, if this stupid fox's farfetched idea should be put into use, it'll require lots of experiments and tweaking, so we'll probably need a guinea pig..."

And Shadow was instantly back to normal, on her feet, jumping up and down waving her arms, squealing something behind the duct tape.

"And I'm sure Shadow would be the perfect specimen," Yusuke said. "Let's go put her in the microwave and see if she travels through time."

"I'm serious, Yusuke. It could work. But like Hiei said, it'll require lots of tweaking," Kurama said.

"Yeah, well, you go tweak your microwave... I'm going back to bed."

"Back to bed? It's nearly dinner time," Hiei pointed out.

"FOOD?!" Yusuke and Kuwabara and Eclipse all spun and stared at him. Shadow, however, sunk back into her chair, singing a severely muffled version "The Real Folk Blues."

"And yes, Shadow will be fixing it, as she seemed perfectly fine barely a minute ago," Kurama said. "Right Shadow?"

"Da eel olk ooooze, ah oohn nono!" she sang in her muffledness. Kurama ripped off the duct tape.

"Right?"

"MY FACE HURTS NOW, BASTARD!"

"Ack."

"I'M NOT FIXING ANY DINNER FOR ANYONE UNTIL YOU APOLOGIZE!"

"I'm sorry."

"SEE! THAT WASN'T ALL THAT HARD! WHY WERE YOU COMPLAINING SO MUCH?!"

"I wasn't..."

"DON'T DENY IT! YOU WERE COMPLAINING AND COMPLAINING AND COMPLAINING SOME MORE!

"No I wasn't! I said I'm sorry! Now go fix dinner!"

"Ah... If you don't mind, I have to fix a meal for ten people." And she stalked off like nothing odd had just happened, and really, by her standards, it hadn't. I don't know what would be strange by Shadow's standards... An interdimensional time portal opening up in her yard, completely by its own free will... That might be odd. Anyway...

A minute later, Shadow came skipping back into the room.

"Hey Kurama, I need to go to the GROCERY STORE!!! Care if I use your car?" (Yes, remember Kurama is sixteen... Apparently he has a car now...)

"If I'm the one driving it!" Kurama said. "But there is no way in hell I'd let you drive my car."

"Thank you!" Shadow went skipping away.

"S'pose you guys are waiting a while for dinner," Kurama said, then followed Shadow.

They'd barely been gone for fifteen minutes when the doorbell rang. Eclipse went down to answer it and found some guys in suits.

"Hello. Could you spare a minute to hear about--"

"MORMONS!!!" She slammed the door in their faces, then sank down with her back against it to sit panting on the floor. "That was close... They almost finished their sentence..."

"What was it?" Hiei asked.

"Mormons!" Eclipse gasped.

"Are they still out there?"

"Let's hope not!"

"Let's hope _so_. I just had a cruel idea..." He pushed Eclipse out of the way and opened the door.

"Oh! Hello!" the Mormon said. "Could you spare a minute to talk about Jesus?"

"Yes, of course," Hiei said dryly.

And, as they talked about their religion, Hiei picked apart everything he saw wrong with it (which was a lot) and sent them home with the idea that humans were created from a bowl of scrambled eggs that was left in the fridge for a month. Of course, when they started telling people about that, people called the cops and they went to the loony bin.

"Hiei, that was a very cruel thing to do," Eclipse said sternly. Then a smile broke over her face. "THAT WAS AWESOME!"

About half an hour later, Shadow came back in with enough grocery bags full of food to supply the entire country with food for a week. And she made Kurama and Hiei bring them all in from the car.

And ages upon ages later, she set up a serve-yourself-dammit buffet kind of thing and everybody served themselves, dammit. She and Eclipse had an eating contest against Hige and Yusuke... And Shadow and Eclipse ate so much it was like they hadn't eaten for months, but that was obviously not true... And after a while, Hige and Yusuke stopped competing to join the other six pairs of staring eyes. (I just wrote "stairing." Damn you, Eclipse!)

The two girls ate about fifteen full course meals each... Drank about ten gallons of... whatever they drank... each... And neither of them felt sick afterwards.

"They eat like that all the time..." Hiei said to Toboe and Hige, who hadn't seen them eat like this yet (remember, Shadow fixed the big meal when Kiba and Tsume were there, but this is the first time she did with the other two).

"How does she stay so thin? You'd think she'd way 500 pounds!" Hige asked.

"And fat she retains from this crap she burns off by dancing around singing and hugging people and doing handstands and cartwheels in the front yard," Hiei said dryly. "You'd think that'd be obvious."

"She's _psycho_!"

Shadow and Eclipse, meanwhile, were still stuffing their faces, though at a slower pace than they had been before.

It was ages before Shadow fell right off her chair onto the floor (she would have fallen onto Tsume's lap had Hiei not told him it was unwise to sit next to her cuz of the high probability of flying food).

"I think I'm gonna burst..." she groaned.

"I'd think you already would have..." Tsume said dryly.

Eclipse let her face fall forward onto her licked-clean plate. "Groan..."

"Who's up for poker?" Hiei asked.

"I would be, but I can't get up!" Shadow said cheerfully.

"I want to see Youko play Tsume," Yusuke said, smirking.

"Why? Is Tsume a poker wolf?" Kurama asked.

"He beat Shadow about fifty times and he'd never played before."

"Oh wow. Four notches above the bottom..." Hiei said.

"Four?"

"Kuwabara, Eclipse, Shadow, Tsume," Hiei explained.

"Ah. I just wanna see what he's got," Yusuke said.

"Do I have any say in this?" Tsume asked.

"Nope," Kurama said. "Poker time."

Shortly after, Tsume and Youko were playing poker, and Tsume was losing. Of course. Because Youko's hundreds of years older than him and knows how to cheat, even against a wolf.

"Who's winning?" Shadow asked, dancing into the room. Everybody stared at her, at the carton of ice cream she held, and the spoon hanging out of her mouth.

And of course, she was clueless as to what was so odd about this.

"What?" she asked innocently.

"You're eating _again_?" Toboe asked.

"Dessert. What?"

"A whole carton of ice cream?" Hige asked.

"Yeah."

"She eats more in a single meal than I have in months!" Hige said to nobody in particular.

"She eats more in a single meal than all of us _combined_ have eaten in a month," Tsume said. "And she's smaller than all of us, she's not a wolf, and she doesn't do half the work we usually do."

"Living here is a lot easier than living where we're from..." Kiba said.

"Maybe _this_ is Paradise," Toboe said. Hiei burst out laughing.

"Paradise?! You've got to be kidding me!"

Shadow set down the empty ice cream carton and spoon and collapsed into her sacred fluffy reclining chair. She rolled onto her side, then suddenly squinted at something and plucked a short hair off the chair.

"Okay, which one of you furballs has been in my chair?" she asked accusingly, looking at them all. "This is a dark hair... So I'm saying it was TSUME!"

Tsume blinked. Shadow got up in his face.

"Don't play innocent with me, you weirdo!"

"Weirdo! Look who's talking!" Youko said.

"Shut up, fox boy!" Shadow snapped. "Least I don't grow ears or turn into a WOLF!"

"No, you just turn into a puddle of goo and seep through piping," Tsume said dryly. "How does that feel, anyway? Being _goo_."

"I dunno. I wasn't paying attention."

"You've got to be kidding me."

"Do I look like I'm kidding? I'm dead serious," Shadow said. Then she paused. "Well, yes, I'm dead, but I don't know how serious I am... Serious, yeah, but _dead_ serious..."

"Shut up, Shadow," Youko said. "Your cause of death is gonna be thinking too much."

"Gee, thanks. Hey, can I play a game against you?"

"What, are you serious?!" Youko asked.

"Yes. Anything but strip poker."

"Damn. Sure, fine... It'll just give Tsume a bit of time to recover from being humiliated in front of his friends. Vacate the challenger's seat, Wolf."

"I'm not humiliated. Foxes are known for their tricks," Tsume said, getting up. Shadow dropped into the vacated chair.

"Deal them cards!" she ordered, hitting the table with her fist.

Two hours later... Shadow was sitting across from Youko, staring at her cards, blinking occasionally, looking over them at Youko occasionally, then glancing at the grey wolf lying on the couch, then back to her cards.

"Are you gonna do anything? Any time today?" Kiba asked, sitting on the floor with his back against the couch.

"My reputation is depending on this," Shadow said. "It requires a lot of thought."

"Reputation? Thought?" Hige said. "Wow. You think?"

"Don't make me hurt you, Fluffy!" Shadow threatened.

"Don't fight!" Toboe said.

"Yes, don't fight," Youko said. "Get on with it."

"But..."

Shadow made her move. "Let's see 'em!"

She set down her cards. Youko smirked, and she could tell by the look in his gold eyes that she'd lost.

"NOOOOOOO!!!" She hit her head off the table. If a wolf can laugh, Tsume was right then. "Shut up, wolf!"

"You lost in front of four wolves, the noble and honest witnesses," Youko said, smirking. "You agreed to the bet, Shadow."

"Noooooo!!!"

"Yes you did," Kiba said, smiling.

"Hai, see, but..."

"Nobody cares about the buts, Shadow," Youko drawled.

"It's unsanitary..."

"No it's not, fool!"

"In it's own special way..."

"Everything is unsanitary to you in its own special way, psycho. You see germs in boiling water and bleach!"

"THERE'S GERMS IN BLEACH? I JUST COMPLETELY DRENCHED THIS HOUSE WITH THAT CRAP A FEW DAYS AGO!" Shadow screamed, horrified.

"Shadow," Youko warned. She looked at him innocently.

"You know, I just remember I have an appointment... Elsewhere." She ran out the door.

"Hey! Get back here, stupid!" Youko hollered. "COWARD!"

But Shadow continued into the forest, making noises like Zoidburg from Futurama (which I don't own).

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

**Now what could be horrible enough to make Shadow run around making noises like a giant lobster? I DON'T KNOW! That's why I need _you_ to think _for me_. Short chapter... I noticed.  
**I didn't proof read this chapter, so once again there'll be mistakes, like in the last chapter where I wrote "He" instead of "She" when referring to Shadow... Nope, spell check doesn't catch that stuff... Ork. I would proof this chapter right now, but I wanna go back to playing NINJA GAIDEN! I just beat some giant insect lady (Elmo or something... Alma. Yeah. That's it.) and it was really easy and now I'm wandering around in Hayabusa's village and going through scary portal things and I'm kinda confused as to what to do next cuz I would have figured you'd go up the altar stairs but apparently you CAN'T! Because of the SHINY THING! Damn! And you can't blow it up, either... Anywho, I'm gonna go back to that...  
**Oh, and two random things here...**   
It seems to me that ever since 9/11, I'm constantly looking at the clock when it's 9:11 o'clock... Have you noticed that?  
#2: Just a really random question that you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but what do you think I look like? Just make a wild guess. I wanna see what people think. Curiousity, y'know?


	9. Lots of Bold Type

**_THE AUTHORESS SAYS:  
"HEAR ME SPEAK. OR READ ME TYPE. WHATEVER'S EASIER."  
Reviews for Chapter Eight, Food_**

**Okami Youkai-** Poker is common in my stories... I personally never play poker... I actually never play cards at all, really... But they're always playing poker at Shadow's house...  
**Draikitha-** Damn, you figured me out! I'm kidding. I'm a fourteen-year-old girl and I'm wearing jeans and a t-shirt even though its like 80 degrees and I don't have air conditioning. **:)** I have brown hair, you got that right... But nothing else. Heh. And... I'm not cruel enough to have Shadow strip in front of eight guys...  
**kiinu-** Duct tape your joints... That's interesting... It's spelled Chihuahua... My sister thought it was pronounced "Chi-who-uh-who-uh" when she first saw it written... And I still say it that way most of the time. Heh heh.  
**Wild Roses-** Hai... Kissing Kuwabara would make _anyone_ run around making lobster noises... But if Youko were to bet for Shadow to kiss anyone, he'd want her to kiss _him..._ Right? And... um... I'll take your word for it about the bleach... ::backs away slowly::  
**C.C.C.-** They sell containers of marshmallow fluff... At least they used to... I dunno if they do now... I haven't been to any grocery stores in ages...  
**Saeble-** Um... Chipmunk army, eh? I used to have an army of crutons... But I think the Smiley Face of Doom ate them on a salad...  
**chocogurl-** ::screams and hides:: If I ever commit a crime, do NOT go to the police or their person examination criminal sketch artist thing! About all you got wrong is that I have brown hair, not black... Maybe **_you're_** the one who's been stalking me! STAY AWAY, DEMON! ::makes a cross with her fingers::  
**Chibi-** Yes, Mormons are scary people... I was walking home at like 9:00 at night once and they wanted to talk to me about Jesus, and as soon as I got out of sight, I ran up the street... And there's this one place where the sidewalk sticks up like 3 inches and there's a tree branch right at the level where I could hit my head off it, and luckily I managed to run past there without tripping or cracking open my skull... But those Mormons coulda KILLED ME!  
**Black Cat-** Well 'Hi' to all them people... I beat Ninja Gaiden! I'd killed Alma for the second time when I wrote that on the last chapter... I love that game. I beat it, but that was with occasional help from my sister's boyfriend, who owns the game... If he keeps bringing back the X-Box, I'm gonna try to play it through without his help. So on my second time through, I just beat those red Fiends and the tentacle thingy and haven't had help once yet... Yay! I think I'm gonna ask my dad to get me an X-Box for Christmas or something... Heh. Oh, what was the gross thing you said they told you to write?  
**Shessha's Crazy-** Ummmmmm... Sure...  
**Starfox-** I've had a million requests for people to be in my stories... Someday I'm just gonna go back through and read all my reviews, write down all the requests, and write a big ol' story with them people there... I just thought of doing that just now, so it's nothing I've been planning or anything...  
**xkuroxshinobix-** Of course I'm gonna write more "oda stories." I'm assuming that's "other" in an odd, shortened, slang sorta way...  
**Celebrindae-** Erm... 5:22 is really early... Is it normal for you to stay up that late? Okay, I had a bit more Shadow-hating-Youko kinda stuff in this chapter... Lol... I like Tsume's clothes. But yeah, the constriction might be screwing with his mind... And YOU had better not go to the police with chocogurl if I ever commit a crime... Because then they'd catch me... Except I don't live in NY. And I don't remember ever saying I did... But I don't remember much...  
**kaida13-** Don't worry. The weasels only eat door-to-door salesmen, Jehovah's Witnesses, Mormons, other door-to-door religious people, and other people Shadow dislikes. And I'm sure you're not as unoriginal as you say you are.  
**Name1-** Erm... You do know that I'm not the only person in the world who can read these reviews, right...? And no, I didn't really need to know that.  
**phycotic person-** Heh heh... Um... If you say so... I... er... have no idea what you said... Really...

**CHAPTER NINE  
**Lots of Bold Type

"I'm not a coward..." Shadow was muttering as Youko led her back into the house. "Coward... What makes me a coward? Just because I lost a bet and ran into the forest and hid in a groundhog den for three hours? Coward... I'll show you a coward..."

"Shadow, there's no use in muttering about it now," Youko said, sitting her down in a chair at the dining room table. "Now, drink up."

"I'm underage. I'll pass out. I'll throw up before I pass out and then nobody will be around to clean it up. Who knows what I'll do..."

"You'll probably be _normal_, stupid..."

"But... I'm underage... What'll you guys do without me when I'm unconscious on the floor?"

"Party!" Yusuke said, having been filled in on the bet. He and Kuwabara had joined Youko and the wolves to watch. "Rid of you, we can do whatever we want to your house and you won't know until you wake up again. By then you might have been dumped in the ocean and nobody would be any the wiser."

"What the hell would you do to my house if I were unconscious on the ground, hmm?"

"Who knows... We'd find something..." Yusuke said airily.

"Shadow... You said you'd have to be drunk, so..." Youko said, pausing for dramatic effect, then exploded: "STOP PROCRASTINATING!"

"Who?"

Youko pushed a glass and a bottle towards Shadow.

"But... It'll give me brain damage..."

The entire mob burst out laughing.

"What brain is it you were thinking it would damage?" Tsume asked.

"Mine!"

"Hate to break it to you, Shadow, but..." Hige said.

"You haven't got a brain," Youko finished for him.

"Damn. Who told you?"

"Drink up," Youko persisted.

Shadow sighed and grabbed the bottle. "Why'd I agree to this?"

An hour or so later, having woken up and found Shadow missing from her usual chair in front of her TV, Hiei headed downstairs to investigate the noise that had woke him up in the first place.

He got down the stairs and smelled beer. Lots of it. Avoiding breathing through his nose, he walked into the living room to find Kuwabara passed out, drooling on the floor, and Shadow lying against Youko's chest on the couch, clawing tiredly at the bottle of alcohol he held just out of her reach, muttering and drooling slightly.

"Oh. 'Ello, 'Iei..." she slurred, squinting at Hiei.

"Youko, what did you do to her?" Hiei asked. "You should know not to give her alcohol."

"She agreed to the bet. And besides, it wasn't--"

"Wait... Bet?! What bet?!"

"Poker."

"Oh my God, Youko, you idiot!!! You made a bet to get her drunk?"

"Well I didn't say for her to get drunk... It didn't take much to fuddle her mind a bit, though. Really--"

"What mind?!" Hiei said in a kind of whiney voice. "Youko... What were you planning on doing with her once you got her drunk, huh?"

"Nothing like _that._ I told you, I hadn't even planned on her getting drunk. That..."

"Yeah, well... Never mind... You do know we've got guests. This isn't the best time to try any of your stupid tricks..."

"Yes, well your guests are having themselves some alcohol too," Youko said, gently placing Shadow's bottle-seeking hand on the couch. Hiei stared at him for a minute in horror, then went into the dining room to see what he meant.

He found Yusuke passed out with his head on the table, drooling slightly, and a big brown wolf lying on the floor. Kiba, still looking quite human, was sitting across from Yusuke with a glass in his hand, his eyelids drooping slightly. Tsume was sitting in a corner with his back against the wall, a bottle of beer in his hand and a couple empty bottles lying on the floor around him. Eclipse was leaning against him, also holding a half-empty bottle. She was apparently unconscious.

"WOLVES AREN'T SUPPOSED TO HAVE ALCOHOL, YOU STUPIDS! WHO KNOWS WHAT THAT SHIT WILL DO TO YOU!!!" Hiei yelled. "I didn't even know we had this much in the entire house..."

Toboe was sitting on the floor next to Tsume, most of his concern directed at the white-haired man. When Hiei yelled, the kid looked up at him.

"I tried to stop them..." he whimpered.

"Yeah, yeah..." Hiei said. He kicked the bottom of Tsume's shoe. The wolf hiccupped and slumped sideways onto Toboe, who jumped slightly and stared at him. Eclipse ended up using Tsume's leg as a pillow.

"YOUKO, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, YOU KNOW!" Hiei hollered back into the living room, looking down at the unconscious man.

"No it's not," Youko said, suddenly behind Hiei, making him jump. "I didn't ask _them_ to get drunk."

"What'd you do with Shadow?" Hiei asked.

"I gave her the beer. She's fine now."

Hiei dropped to the floor, defeated. "Aw, hell... Gimme a beer."

Youko chuckled.

So, as you can imagine, when Koenma showed up the next day and found Hiei and Youko so drunk they could barely stand (and therefore _weren't_) and nearly everybody else unconscious, he wasn't very pleased.

**"WHAT IN THE SEVEN HELLS IS GOING ON HERE?"**

"God, don' yell..." Youko whined, his voice slurred. He and Hiei were sitting back to back on the floor, completely drunk, oblivious that Shadow was lying on her stomach next to them licking up the beer as it dripped out of the bottles held loosely in their hands.

Koenma shook in fury for a minute before walking forward and snatching the bottles from Youko and Hiei and setting them on the table next to a very drunk and unconscious Kiba.

"How could you do this? You got all of them drunk! They're wolves! Do you know what alcohol can do to them?!"

Hiei slumped to one side and collapsed onto Shadow, who grunted and coughed a bit. Without Hiei to lean on, Youko fell backwards on top of the little demon.

"Everyone nee's tuh git drunk once in a whi', K'enma..." the fox slurred.

"I came here to tell you that the portal is complete and that we can send the wolves back to their own time, but they're so drunk, who knows what the hell it'd do to them to send them through something based on microwaves for power! You guys had better sober up real soon!" Koenma snapped. Then he left again.

There was a groan from under Hiei.

"Off!" Shadow groaned, sounding sick. "Off! Off!"

Youko and Hiei managed to move enough that she could squeeze out from under them and scurry out of the room on her hands and knees, headed in the direction of the bathroom.

Toboe, the only one who hadn't had anything to drink, was still sitting with Tsume leaning against his shoulder.

Well, that was fun. They all got drunk. So anyway, I've never been around unconscious drunk people, so I'm not really educated on that topic...

So when they all woke up, they were feeling pretty crappy, and Toboe was the only one who hadn't drank, so he was the one who kept pacing around checking on everyone.

"Shadow, you never did complete the bet..." Youko said, smirking.

"Shut up, Fox, before I kill you. Want me to throw up all over you?"

"Oh, come on. It's not that bad."

"Didn't I tell you I'd have to be drunk to do it?"

"Yes."

"I got drunk, and I didn't do it. So obviously it's bed enough that even if I'm drunk I won't do it."

"It's 'bed' enough?"

"Apparently," Shadow muttered. "Wait, what?"

"You said it's 'bed' enough."

"Shut up, Youko."

"Maybe it was subconscious."

"Shut up, Youko."

"I'm just saying..."

"Shut _up_, Youko!!!"

"But..."

"I don't care about your butt!"

"Yeah I bet you don't," Youko muttered, giving Shadow a sideways glance. She glared.

"**I don't.**"

"Yeah, sure, whatever... If you say so."

"I say so and you'd better believe it because if I cared about your butt I'd have told you before now!"

"Sure you would've... What happened to me being sexy?"

"You're not."

"There's a lot of people who'd kill you for saying that."

"I'd like to see them try."

"Well they'd probably succeed."

"Yeah, right, in your dreams." She paused. "You _don't_ dream about me, do you? Cuz that'd be scary."

"Maybe I do, maybe I don't."

"How about you **don't**."

"I can't control my dreams, Shadow..."

"You're hundreds of years old and you haven't learned to control your subconscious yet?"

"You can't control the subconscious, Shadow. It's _subconscious_. You don't realize it's there."

"Yeah, whatever. Don't go soundin' smart on me. I'll kick your ass."

"That could be subconscious, Shadow. Talking about my ass."

"Talking about kicking it!"

"It's still--"

"Shut up!"

"You're in denial."

"Shut up! No I'm not!"

"See?!"

"Shut up!" Shadow put her fingers in her ears. "La la la!!!"

"You know you love me!"

"LA LA LA."

"See, you just gave up on denying it because you don't like to lie!"

"LA LA--_YEAH RIGHT!!_" She took her fingers out of her ears. "Youko, I am the biggest liar I bet you've ever met, aside from yourself, so don't go saying I don't like to lie, stupid fox!"

"You know, you're constantly contradicting yourself."

"Didn't I tell you not to use big words around me?"

"No, you told me not to sound smart."

"It's the same damn thing!"

"So what is your honest opinion of me, then, Shadow?"

"You're a psychotic bastard with a one-track mind and I hate you."

"Least you're not afraid of me anymore."

"Fear is a pain in the butt. It's better to kick your ass and be over with it."

"There you go talking about my ass again."

"YOUKO KURAMA!" Shadow warned. "If you don't watch it I'll tear your furry-tailed ass off your body and hand it to you on a PLATE!"

"That'd be interesting to see..." Tsume said, suddenly in the doorway with Hiei.

"What, you'd like to see my ass?" Youko asked.

"Youko!" Shadow snapped. She looked at Tsume, who had suddenly gone very slightly green. "What do you people want?"

"We just came to check up on you two lovebirds. You've been yelling at each other for the past ten minutes, you know," Hiei said.

"**LOVEBIRDS MY SHOE!!!**" Shadow screamed.

"Really, we haven't been yelling at each other," Youko said. "Shadow's been the only one yelling. I was just calmly talking."

"Well could you stop?" Tsume said. "Nobody is feeling too well, and you're not helping a thing."

"Sorry sir," Shadow said. She walked out of the room.

"How many pain killers did she take?" Hiei asked Youko.

"About half a bottle."

"At once?!"

"Yeah."

"My God... That girl's gonna die."

"No she isn't. She's invulnerable to drugs," Youko said. "Except alcohol, apparently..."

"Great..." Hiei muttered. "Well, I'm off."

"Off what?"

"What?"

"Huh?"

"Youko--"

"Off who? Who's off?"

"I'm _leaving_, stupid!"

"Kuwabara's still out cold," Youko said randomly.

"Good," Hiei snapped, walking away.

"First to pass out, last to wake up," Tsume said, following. "Maybe he's dead."

"That's even better!" Hiei said happily.

Koenma came by later that day and looked at everybody, sitting around tiredly with bottles of painkiller scattered on every flat surface in the place.

**"MY REIKAI TANTEI ARE TURNING INTO ALCOHOLIC DRUG ADDICTS!!!"** he screamed. Everybody flinched.

"Koenma, you really are too loud."

**"I DON'T CARE! THAT'S IT! WHERE'S KURAMA?"**

"You mean Youko," Shadow said. "He's lying around somewhere acting depressed because I don't want to see his ass..."

"What?" Koenma asked, startled.

"He's lying around, that much is right," Hiei said. "And he's been taunting Shadow about some bet they made which was the reason we all got drunk in the first place, but I'm sure that's not why you wanted to see him..."

"Well, that wasn't the _original_ reason..." Koenma said coldly. "Where's he at?"

"In the living room," Hiei said.

Koenma stalked in there and exploded all over the place.

**"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING MAKING BETS THAT GET MY TANTEI DRUNK? YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER THAN THAT, YOU BAKA! YOU'RE PART OF THE TANTEI, AREN'T YOU? AND NOT TO MENTION THE WOLVES! WOLVES ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE ALCOHOL! WHAT IF THEY GET SOME HORRIBLE DISEASE AND THEY DIE! IT'LL BE YOUR FAULT, WON'T IT! NOW YOU'D BETTER MAKE SOME MAGICAL HEALING POTION TO FIX ALL THIS, YOU DAMN STUPID FOX!"**

Youko lay on the floor with swirly eyes, his ears ringing in his head from the screaming. Koenma stood there catching his breath until Youko recovered.

"Yeah, Koenma... I'll get right on it... Magical cure for hangovers and alcohol-related organ damage for wolves... Sure, whatever..."

**"DON'T 'SURE WHATEVER' ME, SMART-ASS! I'LL PUT YOU IN PRISON!"**

"What for? Smart-mouthing a pacifier-sucker?"

**"YOUKO KURAMA!!!"**

"Ri-i-i-i-ight..."

**"STOP USING THAT TONE WITH ME!"**

"Yes sir..."

**"YO--"**

"Give it up already, Koenma!" Hiei said. "God, you're just giving all us pill-poppers horrible headaches."

"And you'd better do something about them, too, Youko. The pill-poppers."

"The wolves popped pills too," Youko informed.

**"THEN DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT, STUPID! YOU'RE RESPONSIBLE, SO TAKE THE RESPONSIBILITY FOR IT AND GET TO WORK!"**

**"OKAY, DAMMIT!"**

Youko messed around with various plants and small creatures and alcohol and pills and things in the infirmary in Shadow's basement for the rest of the day.

"I want to send them back as soon as possible. The portal is ready."

**.......................................................................**

**I would've had this chapter up yesterday, but first, my power went out, then when it came back around nine something, fanfiction wouldn't let me log in. It said there were no servers that could handle the request or something... 503 Error... Or something. Then my sister kicked me off the computer.  
**And see how my wonderful author skills worked out again this time? I just didn't say exactly what the bet was. Because I couldn't think of anything that I'd let myself write.  
Oh, and if you want to know what I look like: 5' 8" with brown hair, pale skin (I never go out in the sun), and my eyes are like... four different colors, but green is dominant. They have a gold line in them, too, which is awesome but I never noticed until 7th grade when somebody told me...   
I want to put either blue, white, or silver streaks in my hair, and I want red contacts...   
**There are two possibilities now. Do you want the story to end soon or not? Just tell me that, cuz I could probably drag it on another two or three chapters... Cuz I have an idea... Oh, and have you noticed how you people have started writing longer and longer reviews, telling me about just about anything you think of?**


	10. Interrogation and Perversion

**_THE AUTHORESS TALKS IN HER DRUNKEN STUPOR  
HEY! I AM NOT DRUNK!  
Reviews for Chapter Nine, Lots of Bold Type_**

**C.C.C.-** Oh yeah, I did do that, didn't I... I'm fun to talk to, eh? Muwahaha... If I could talk all I wanted, believe me, you wouldn't think that anymore. You'd be begging me to shut up, because I can talk... **A lot.  
kaida13-** I _do_ live in the United States. Wow. That narrows it down for all them stalker psychos who want to kill me for saying Youko isn't sexy...  
**kiinu-** No, I don't hate long reviews, I just thought it was odd that everybody tells me about anything they want... I guess I kinda do that to... In a way... And I managed to figure out how to get away from making Shadow's bet definite! Come on, don't make me have to think!  
**Shessha's Crazy-** Nice. Well I've never had alcohol. The smell of beer makes me sick.  
**Bar-Ohki-** Well, I actually didn't expect anyone to ask me to stop it... I just kinda put that there to make them feel like they had a say... Erm... Heh, I mean, you're out-voted! And whatever the heck I wrote in that last chapter about them all being drunk, that wasn't what you inspired... You sounded kinda disappointed or something in your review. Were you?  
**KageYoukai-** Nope. Never said what the bet was. This story is probably gonna be at least 12, making it a tie with my longest story, chapter-wise at least... It's already got more reviews, and it's almost as many words, with this chapter added...  
**Liei-** At least you had fireworks on the day. For some stupid reason, here they had the fireworks the day after the 4th, becuase the 4th was on a Sunday. Is that not retarded?  
**xkuroxshinobix-** Yes, I'm continuing the story whether you people liked it or not... Though apparently you wanted me to... ::shifty eyes::  
**Mika Saito-** Oh, God. Don't feel bad for Youko. He doesn't need it. ::is beat with a blunt object::

**CHAPTER TEN  
**Interrogation and Perversion

"Wait... So you expect me to drink this?" Tsume asked, squinting at the odd mixture in the glass he held.

"That's the idea, yes," Youko said dryly.

"But... It looks like something somebody threw up a month ago," Hige added, making a face at his glass.

"And it smells like poison," Toboe whined, holding his nose.

"No it doesn't!" Youko said. "If you think it smells like poison, I'll give you poison, then you can tell me the difference!"

"That won't be necessary," Kiba said, also holding a glass of the offending brownish-red mixture. "So... what's this... er... stuff... supposed to do, anyway?"

"It's supposed to cure your hangovers and any damage the alcohol may have done to your organs. I tested it on Shadow. She's still alive, isn't she?!" Youko said, pointing to the girl who was typing furiously at the computer, duct tape over her mouth.

Tsume walked over and read out loud over her shoulder. "'Youko is a psychotic bastard, my mouth burns really bad and my stomach hurts, but he won't let me tell you this because then you won't drink that shit he's trying to poison you with.' What the heck?!"

"Shadow, you idiot!" Youko snapped.

"I told you it was poison," Toboe muttered to no one in particular.

"Yes, but do you feel better?" Kiba asked Shadow. She glared and pulled off the duct tape.

"I don't feel the stuff as I felt before, but now there's different icky feelings."

"Those are called side effects, Shadow," Youko growled.

"How long are the side effects supposed to last?!" Hige asked.

"I don't know. Shadow was my victim and until hers go away I can't even give an estimate," the fox muttered.

"What the hell kind of medic are you?" Tsume asked. "When you make some kind of weird brown concoction, you don't pour it down peoples' throats until you know exactly what it's going to DO to them!"

"_You're_ the one who read Shadow's typings, Tsume. You should know what it does. She said her mouths burns and her stomach hurts."

"Besides, we're wolves. It might have a different effect on us than it does on some psycho half-breed demon girl..." Kiba said.

"And that could be good or that could be bad," Tsume added.

"FINE! DOES ONE OF YOU WANT TO BE MY LAB RAT?!" Youko yelled.

"No," they all said in unison.

"Use Hige," Tsume said, smirking.

"Why me?!"

"You'll eat anything," Tsume explained simply.

"Well... Except those giant bugs we found in that forest that one time..." Toboe added, thinking.

"Whatever it is, I think I'd rather just keep popping pills than drink this horrible stuff," Tsume muttered.

"FINE!!!" Youko snapped. "Would it make you feel any better if I drank it?"

"If you drink it and _survive_," Hige said.

"Okay then." Youko grabbed the bottle of mixture and poured some in a glass, then, without pausing to think, he downed it all. Then he slammed it down on the table, coughing. "Oh, shit, that's sick!"

"Oh, that's encouraging," Kiba muttered. "Well?"

"It tastes about as bad as it looks..." Youko muttered without thinking. "I mean... Er..." He coughed. "Shit... Put that stuff down. I almost regret forcing Shadow to drink it..."

"_Almost..._" Shadow repeated.

"See, you could have caused us all to go through so much pain and suffering just because we feel awful!" Hige said.

"Try to make the next stuff smell better," Toboe said.

"And look better, too, for that matter," Kiba added.

"Yes, your Royaltyness," Youko grumbled, headed back into the basement with his bottle of goop.

"I wonder what was in that stuff," Toboe said.

"Probably something highly unappealing, like bat eyes..." Tsume said. Toboe made a face.

"I thought witches used bat's eyes," Shadow said cluelessly.

"That makes me remember that lady who sent us here..." Tsume said.

"Didn't she say something about bringing us back when we know humans weren't always bad?" Kiba asked.

"I think so," Tsume said. "So shouldn't she have done something by now?"

Shadow was dancing around the dining room table. They all watched her for a minute.

"Well... These people aren't human, remember?" Toboe said.

"Kuwabara is," Hige said.

"Oh, you mean the Kuwabara who is still passed out on the floor in the living room," Tsume stated. "If he's supposed to be the human that's setting the example for us, then that's sad, because even somebody who loves everybody could hate _him_."

"Someone like me, you mean?" Shadow asked, dancing past and pulling Tsume and Kiba into a big hug.

"Let go!" Tsume snapped.

"But I love everybody!"

"Love Tsume," Kiba muttered, ducking under her arm and out of her grip.

"Okay!" Shadow kissed Tsume on the cheek. Hige and Toboe chuckled.

"How cute," Hige said. Shadow spun on him.

"WATCH IT, CHUBBY!"

"I'm not chubby!"

"Yes you are!"

"What, just because I'm not some muscley ex-gang-leader who wears skanky leather, that makes me chubby?"

"No, because Kiba and Toboe aren't chubby and they don't--"

"Skanky leather?!" Tsume snapped. "I'm sick of being called skanky!"

"You're not skanky, Tsume," Shadow comforted. Tsume raised an eyebrow.

"Why'd you call me skanky then?"

"When'd I do that?"

"When it was just me and Kiba, that first day we got doomed to be stuck with you," Tsume answered.

"Oh yeah! Well you're not skanky, Tsume."

"Aw, how cute... Does Tsume the gangster need to be comforted by his girlfriend? Is he upset? Did the bullies call him names?" Hige taunted.

"YOU'D BETTER WATCH IT, HIGE!" Tsume yelled.

"Ooooh, scary! Mister Big Bad Leather Guy is gonna hurt me!"

"Hige, that's enough!" Shadow said in the tone an old school teacher would use on a little kid who hadn't done his homework in three days. (A/N: God, I'm making school references during summer! Hang me!)

"He's got his girlfriend standing up for him now! Heh heh..."

"HIGE!" Shadow and Tsume snapped at the same time.

"Come on, guys, stop it," Toboe said. "Why are you guys arguing like this all of a sudden?"

"Can't you see, Toboe?" Kiba said slyly. "Hige's just jealous."

"Jealous?! Of what?! Because Mister Skanky-Leather has some psychotic girl clinging to him all the time?"

"Come on, Hige, you know it," Eclipse said, appearing out of nowhere. "You're jealous because Tsume is a chick magnet."

"Chick magnet, yeah right! Shadow's just a whore!"

**"HEY!"** everybody but Shadow snapped. Shadow wasn't wasting time 'hey'-ing. She just tackled Hige.

"You think I'm a whore, huh? You are one sick little wolf! I am a virgin! How many times have I told people this? Why do people think I'm a whore and a sex goddess and a sex slave owner and a slut and all that stuff? Sure, once or twice I've dressed up all skanky-like and went out to gather fools whose heads I put on sticks in a clearing in the forest and whose bodies I fed to the weasels in the room across the hall, but I've never had sex! Good God! You people are disgusting! Gross! I should add your stupid head to the collection on the spears in the forest just for saying that!"

And now everybody was staring at Shadow. Except Eclipse, who knew all this was a joke, because Shadow often joked about such things... Then again, maybe she wasn't joking... Because she did occasionally vanish for a night... But surely Hiei would know...

"Erm... Shadow..." Kiba started. Shadow was straddling Hige and panting from her screaming rant.

"Shadow, that looks really wrong," Eclipse said bluntly. Shadow was instantly standing three feet away from everyone else.

"I'm going up to my room to maul people," she said cheerfully, and left. Once they were sure she was gone, everybody turned to Eclipse.

"Is any of that true?" Tsume asked.

"I don't think so, but we need to find out for sure. If you think about it, it's possible. I'll ask Hiei, but if he won't fess up, it's time to search the house," Eclipse said. "Which should be fun..."

"Searching this house could be dangerous," Toboe said.

"You're wolves! Come on, you can't be scared!"

"I don't want Shadow to be mad at me..." the kid muttered.

"Fine. What about you three?"

"I'm in," Hige said instantly.

Eventually, all three agreed and Eclipse and Hige went up to ask Hiei about Shadow's story. Er... If they could find him.

"He's probably in Shadow's room, and Shadow's in her room, and then we can't talk to him," Eclipse said.

"Why does Hiei spend so much time in her room? She can't be a virgin. It's practically impossible. Not when she lives with all these guys," Hige said.

"What do you mean by 'all these guys?' Hiei's the only guy who lives here."

"Are you serious? Then what about Youko and Yusuke? And that baka human?"

"Youko takes his human form, which you haven't seen much of, and he lives with his mother and leads a normal 16-year-old boy's life. Yusuke lives with his alcoholic mother, and Kuwabara lives with his sister and... maybe his parents, too, but I've never been to his house, so I don't know. But Youko's the only real threat to Shadow's virginity..."

"If indeed she is a virgin..."

Eclipse went up to Hiei's room first, and surprisingly, he was in there.

"Oi, Hiei! We have to ask you something!" she said, barging into his room.

"EVER HEARD OF KNOCKING?!"

"Right... Sorry. You could have been in here making out with Shadow."

"What?!"

"True or False: Is Shadow a virgin?" Eclipse asked.

"I don't know."

"Are you serious?!"

"Yeah. Well, I mean, _I've_ never had sex with her..." Hiei said.

"Well if you didn't, who would have?!" Hige asked.

"Youko. And she does have a tendency to talk to strangers."

"You're saying maybe she got raped," Eclipse said.

"It's a possibility. She did live in Makai for thirteen-or-so years, too, don't forget that," Hiei said.

"So we have the possibility that Youko knocked her up, and we have the possibility that she went out and raped some guy in the street, and we have the possibility that she got raped by some guy in the street or some freaky demon in Makai when she was thirteen years old," Eclipse said in a monotone.

"Apparently."

**"THAT'S JUST NASTY!"**

"Why are you asking this all of a sudden? Why don't you ask her? She would know better than I would," Hiei said.

"Well, she says she's a virgin, but if you think about it, doesn't she occasionally vanish for a night? And isn't she a little to casual about guys?"

"Casual?"

**"STOP TALKING ABOUT ME!"** came Shadow's scream from downstairs. **"I'LL COME UP THERE AND PUT YOUR HEAD ON A STICK!"**

"Maybe she _does_ have the entire house bugged," Hige muttered.

"Hiei, have you done anything to her to make her want to bug the entire house? Like brought in a prostitute you met on the street?" Eclipse asked. "Naughty, naughty."

"Eclipse Shinomori! I don't associate with prostitutes, let alone bring them home with me!"

"Who knows. You could be living with one," Hige said.

**"GOD DAMN YOU PEOPLE, YOU ARE BACK-STABBING ASSHOLES!"** Shadow screamed. **"MOSTLY YOU, ECLIPSE!"**

"Gee, thanks. Well, Hiei, thank you for your help in this investigation," Eclipse said, bowing. "Let's go." She pulled Hige out into the hall and whispered, "We'd better run down the stairs. Shadow's probably waiting for us, so we've gotta get past her unharmed."

"Oh... That's a pleasant thought..." Hige said. Eclipse ran down the stairs with the brown wolf beside her, and yes, Shadow _was_ waiting for them, and she tore down the stairs after them, through the house, out into the yard, and tackled Eclipse.

"So you're conducting an investigation, huh? Can't just take my word for it, huh? Some friend you are!"

"Well, it is kinda suspicious..."

"Snarl."

"What, snarl!? You said it yourself that you dress up like a slut and go out in public!"

"WHO WANTS A FIFTEEN-YEAR-OLD HOOKER?!"

"Well, people _rape_ fifteen-year-olds..."

"That's different, fool," Shadow snapped. "Now I demand that you stop this at once."

"Well, I'll just talk to Youko, then I'll stop."

"You'd better."

And Eclipse was secretly thinking, _"Yeah, then I'll search your house, then I'll search the forest around your house, and..."_

"I will, I promise! I won't talk to anybody else about the unverifiable fact that you are a virgin," she said.

"IT'S NOT UNVERIFIABLE, YOU FOOL! CAN'T YOU TAKE MY WORD FOR IT? HAVE I EVER HAD A KID OR BEEN PREGNANT OR GONE TO A HOSPITAL?"

"Not in the time that _I've_ known you..."

**"ECLIPSE SHINOMORI I HATE YOU!!"**

Meanwhile, Hige was sitting nearby watching, doing nothing to intervene. Tsume was standing on the porch, leaning against one of the posts, watching curiously.

"Okay, hate me all you want from anywhere outside a three foot radius, please!" Eclipse said, struggling out from under Shadow and running into the house at full speed. Shadow spotted Tsume.

"Tsume, you'd better not be a part of this," she warned.

"Of course I'm not," he said innocently.

"Ri-i-i-i-i-ight... Well, I'm getting back to my video games, everybody! If I hear anything else questioning my virginity, I shall kill you all," Shadow said cheerfully. "Goodbye!" She skipped into the house.

"You're such a liar," Hige muttered, walking past Tsume.

"It hasn't caught up to me yet," the white-haired man said, shrugging.

"'Yet' is a very dangerous three-letter word," Kiba said, standing just inside the door. "If Shadow finds out, I'm sure it'll be worse than if every other person you've ever lied to ganged up on you."

"You're exaggerating, Kiba," Tsume said.

Meanwhile, down in the basement, Youko was standing there with goggled on, measuring something into his mixture with an eyedropper.

"Hey Youko!" Eclipse said, hopping into the room. Youko jumped and sent the entire eyedropper spurting into the mixture.

**"ECLIPSE, LOOK WHAT YOU DID! NOW YOU'RE GONNA BE MY LAB RAT TO SEE IF THIS STUFF YOU JUST SCREWED UP IS STILL SAFE! COME HERE!"**

"I'd really rather not..." Eclipse muttered.

**"WHY DID YOU COME DOWN HERE?!"**

"I wanted to ask you if you'd ever had sex with Shadow."

"You mean you screwed up my careful and precise mixture just to ask me if I've ever screwed that stupid stubborn fire-girl?! ISN'T THE ANSWER OBVIOUS?!"

"Well I figured that she wouldn't tell me if you had, so I'd ask you."

"**_NO!!!_** NOW GET LOST AND CLOSE THE DOOR ON YOUR WAY OUT!"

"Okay." Eclipse walked out, unaffected by Youko's psychotic behavior, and closed the door on her way out. She walked up to the dining room where three wolves were sitting and waiting for her report.

"He says '**_NO!!!_**'" Eclipse did a perfect imitation of the fox.

"Go figure. We heard," Kiba said, one hand over his ear.

"So are we searching the house now?" Eclipse asked hopefully.

"We'll do it!" Hige volunteered excitedly. "As wolves, we're less suspicious."

Tsume stared at him. "_You_ can search her house by yourself, if you think you're gonna put all the blame on me!"

"You agreed to be in this!"

"Yes, well that was before you said the wolves would search the house."

"Why are you searching the house?" Hiei asked curiously, walking into the room.

"We're gonna see if we can find anything to prove Shadow isn't a virgin," Hige said. Tsume groaned.

"Sure, tell the world. He does live here, you know. Don't you think he might feel a little more loyalty to Shadow than we do?"

"Who could feel loyal to Shadow? She's a nut!"

"Hige, just because she's more open about her insanity than the rest of us doesn't mean she's any more insane than the rest of us," Hiei said in a psychiatrist's comforting tone.

"God, you sound like you know what you're talking about!" Hige said.

"I don't," Hiei said simply, smiling.

"Ah."

There was a pause, then a really obsolete light bulb lit up above Eclipse's head, flickered a few times, then glowed long enough for her to tell them her idea.

"Hey Hiiiiiiiiiiiei..." she said slyly, smirking. "If you're loyal to Shadow, then she'd be loyal and trust you more than us, the conspirers. You could easily get in her room and snoop through her closets, couldn't you..."

"Hey, I don't want any part of this! The only person who's gonna be left alive in this house is Youko!"

"Oh, I doubt it. He's down there mixing chemicals and stuff. He'll probably blow himself up.

"... Gur."

"'Gur?'"

"Yes, 'gur.' Well, if you really want us all to die, I'll go snoop through Shadow's closets."

"Yay! Thank you Hiei!"

"I honestly don't see what's so important about this, though... Don't you all have hangovers to get rid of?"

"PILLS ARE GOOD!" Eclipse cheered, thrusting her fist into the air.

"Oh... So... What would I be looking for in her closets?"

"STUFF! LIKE HOOKER OUTFITS!"

"You know what, this is ridiculous, Eclipse. Just stop it, or I'll have Youko give me some of his memory drugs and you'll all forget about this entire thing," Hiei said coldly.

**"YOU REALIZE, THIS MEANS WAR!!!"** Eclipse shouted.

"And stop quoting Bugs Bunny."

Eclipse walked away with slouched shoulders, grumbling and mumbling about the entire thing.

"Sooo... We're not searching the house?" Hige asked.

"Apparently not, Hige," Tsume said, getting up.

"Damn."

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

**I don't own Bugs Bunny. Now, I know this chapter was horribly wrong...   
**Yeah... My mom was talking to me about my writings, and she asked if I'd ever had a bad review, and I said I'd had like, three or five or something, and she's like, "I'll just have to read those. They can't be all that great." **OH. MY. GOD. SHE CANNOT DO THAT. She would _HANG ME_.** ::bawling:: I cuss and talk about sex and drugs and being drunk and talk about perverted stuff and when she said that I instantly thought of this chapter (which, totally off topic, I did not proof read, really, so there was mistakes, I'm sure), and she would kill me, kill me, KILL ME!!! ::hides in a hole in the ground with a Shonen Jump magazine over her head:: Don't hurt me!


	11. Going Home?

**_THE AUTHORESS IS HAPPY  
IT'S FRIDAY.  
TOMORROW'S SATURDAY.  
SHE'S HAPPY.  
Reviews for Chapter Ten, Interrogation and Perversion  
(She also apologizes for the last chapter's pervertedness...)_**

**C.C.C.-** That's scary... I never knew that. But it's okay, cuz I like people talking to me... I feel loved... Sort of... O**.**o In a I-don't-know-these-people-never-met-them-never-will-but-they-talk-to-me-anyway sort of way.  
**Phoenixblade-necklace-** Good God, you write long reviews... Okay, let's see. I only have one Shonen Jump... I want to prescribe or whatever it's called to get it all year, but I can't guarantee I'd have the money, cuz I don't have a job and my mom won't pay for it... Your parents sound kinda psycho, no offense or anything... If I tried to get red contacts, my mother would be like, "You don't need those." and I wouldn't get them. I don't know where I'd get them, either... I'll get around to updating the others.... Sorry! Jeez. People are going to start killing me.  
**Mika Saito-** Yeah, well, my mother probably already forgot that she wanted to read them, but should she ever decide she wants to, I'm dead.  
**Wild Roses-** That's okay. All I know of my national anthem is "Oh say can you see." Then there's something about light. I have the music to play it on my flute, and I keep messing up on that, so the neighbors who can hear me probably think I'm unpatriotic... So I stopped playing it. Heh. And go ahead and laugh hysterically at my stories, because holding in laughter is bad. It's choked me before.  
**xkuroxshinobix-** Yes, Your Royaltyness.  
**Draikitha-** My mother wouldn't believe me if I said I was reading about math, cuz usually I kinda tell her what happens in the stories if I think it's really funny and not perverted... I tell her, and she looks at me and shakes her head and sighs... Like I'm insane or something. I never tell her about my stories, though. Just other peopleses.  
**Kaoru-the-kitsune-** Is the DVD in English?! See, it turns out I started watching Wolf's Rain at episode six, not eight, so I was wrong, and all I need to see is the first five and I'll be good... There's five on a DVD? Usually there's three or four episodes...  
**Ophir-** Well, people got off work on Monday, so they decided that since it was on a Sunday then we'd celebrate the FOURTH OF JULY on the FIFTH. How stupid is that?  
**phycotic person-** Good lord! Psycho! Well, we're away from the bet now, so I can just... Ignore that psychotic thought that just came into my head...

**CHAPTER ELEVEN  
**Going Home?

"Okay, this stuff is proven safe, all right? I drank it," Youko said, pouring each wolf a glass of the more appealing-looking new mixture, which was blue, which was a much more appealing color than puke.

"You drank it and you didn't throw up, and you feel fine, and--"

"Yes, Hige, I'm fine!" Youko said. "Now drink it."

"What's in this stuff?" Shadow asked, snatching the bottle swirling the remaining mixture around in it.

"Medicinal ingredients!" Youko snapped, snatching the bottle back and putting the cap on it.

"Can I have some?" Shadow asked.

"NO."

"Okay. I didn't really want any anyway, but I figured you'd let me drink some because it's poisonous or something." Shadow resumed her seat in front of the computer.

"Are you _trying_ to screw with their minds?" Youko asked. "It's hard enough to get them to drink it because of the shit I made last time, but now you're just saying all kinds of stuff that'll make their imaginations work overtime!"

"Guys, I'm sure it's safe," Shadow said. "You can trust Youko. It's just me that can't trust him, because I don't trust anyone!"

"No. You don't. Now you guys, drink that," Youko said.

"Are you _sure_--" Hige said.

"Honestly..." Tsume muttered. He glanced at Kiba and to two downed their glasses in one swallow.

"Oh, it's so cute!" Shadow squealed suddenly.

"What?" Youko said. Hige and Toboe were more interested in whether Tsume and Kiba were still alive and breathing.

"They kissed..."

"Who?" Hige asked.

Shadow suddenly got shifty eyes, staring at the wolves out of the corner of her eyes. "Erm, nobody!" She closed the window, but not before Youko had read a few lines.

"You psychotic girl! You were reading _slash_ again!"

"No I wasn't," Shadow said quickly, vacating the computer chair and inching out of the room.

"Who was it this time?" Eclipse asked, lying on the floor for no apparent reason whatsoever.

"Nobody," Shadow said quickly, already at the door.

"What's slash?" Toboe asked.

"You don't want to know, kid," Youko said.

"What, it's not _that_ bad," Shadow said.

"You're a psycho," Youko accused.

"I know."

"Drink that," the fox commanded Hige and Toboe, totally changing the subject. "It's not going to kill you."

"It's not," Kiba said, supporting Youko. "I don't even feel any side effects."

"Really?"

"JUST DRINK IT!" Shadow snapped. The two hastily obeyed. "NOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?"

"Yeah," they answered.

"GOOD BOYS!"

"Um... Sure whatever."

Shadow went dancing out of the room.

Later that day, Koenma came to 'visit' again. He'd been in a very pissy mood every time he'd come to talk about the wolves. Maybe he was pissed about something. Ya think it might be possible? He'd gotten even more pissy after he'd found them all drunk... But... You could tell that... From how he screamed at them... And...

"So, are you all healthy again?" he asked, looking in particular at Tsume and Kiba, the only two wolves in the room (who, incidentally, had been playing a practice game of chess before he'd interrupted. Hiei was teaching them how to play).

"We've always been healthy," Kiba answered.

"Except for all those times we got injured, or when we were starving," Tsume said, both of them consciously avoiding the true point of Koenma's question.

"Yeah... Starving is bad. Luckily, though, we've managed rather well here with Shadow," Kiba said, taking Tsume's last pawn.

"Too bad we can't stay a bit longer," Tsume said. "But Koenma here is probably here to drag us back to our time. Check."

"What?" Kiba said.

"Check."

"That's not check!"

"Yes it is! It's check!"

"Is that check, Hiei?"

"Umm... Yes."

"Damn," Kiba muttered. "Well what do I do now?"

"You move so you're not in check anymore," the demon answered simply.

"Ah."

Koenma walked out of the room, then re-entered.

"So, are you all healthy again?" he asked, pretending they hadn't ignored him.

"I thought we answered that," Tsume said.

"Check," Kiba said dryly. Tsume grunted.

"I think that's check mate."

"Is it?"

"I don't think I have any moves."

"You don't? So I won?"

"Apparently," Tsume muttered, absently spinning one of the white pawns he'd taken from Kiba earlier in the game.

"Way to go, Kiba," Hiei said.

"WOOHOO! KIBA WON!" came Shadow's loud and annoying voice.

Everybody jumped and looked around for Shadow. She came squeezing out from under the couch (which is about a space of four inches) and pounced on Tsume.

"Hello, Loser!"

"Please don't refer to me as that," Tsume said. "It's degrading."

"Rightio, Sweetie!"

Tsume groaned and relaxed, staring up at the ceiling. "Don't call me that, either. I have a name, you know."

"I know. You're The Mighty Grey Wolf, Tsume With The Gold Eyes."

"Just Tsume will do, Shadow. I don't think the rest of that was part of my name up until just now when you made it up," Tsume said. "Get off me."

"Huh-uh."

"Damn you."

"Go ahead."

"I just did, didn't I?"

Shadow was straddling Tsume's waist, her hands on his shoulders, and Koenma was standing about six feet away, staring at her, already pissy from the two wolves ignoring him.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING, SHADOW?!" he screamed.

"Talking to Tsume..." Shadow said innocently, looking at him over her shoulder, oblivious to his pissiness.

"TALKING TO HIM WHILE STRADDLING HIM!"

"Errmmm... Is there something wrong with that?" Shadow asked cluelessly.

"GET OFF! THEY'RE GOING BACK TO THEIR OWN TIME!"

"Umm... Have we done something to offend you?" Kiba asked.

"Or are you always a pissy little boy with a pacifier?" Tsume added.

Koenma had steam rising off him. "Grrrrrrrr..."

"Maybe he's allergic to wolves," Shadow said.

"Allergic to wolves?!" Koenma snapped. "I'm not allergic to anything! I'm KOENMA!"

"... So? I'm Shadow, and I'm allergic to door-to-door salesmen."

"What's that got to do with anything?" Hiei asked.

"Well, he thinks he shouldn't be allergic to wolves just because he's Koenma. I say, fooey on him, I'm Shadow, and I'm allergic to door-to-door salesmen, so just because you're great doesn't mean you haven't got flaws," Shadow explained.

"You're great?" Tsume asked incredulously.

"Yes I am. I make everything better just by being there."

"Ahm... Okay."

Koenma sniffled.

"Koenma's allergic to wolves," Shadow sang, dancing away. "Koenma's allergic to wooooooollllllves!"

"I am not!"

"I bet," Shadow said, getting up in his face. She whistled. "Tsume, come here! As a wolf."

"I'm not allergic to wolves!"

"Why wouldn't you be? They're just the ancestors of all canine life on earth," Hiei said, shrugging.

"What do you know?" Koenma snapped. Tsume jumped up on the couch and put his feet on the back, getting up to Koenma's face level where he stood behind the couch.

"Are you allergic?" Shadow asked. Koenma looked at Tsume.

**"No,"** he said firmly.

"Glad to know it," Shadow said cheerfully. "Okay then, are you going to tell me why you're here?" She started scratching the big grey wolf behind his ears.

"I'm here because-- Would you stop that!?" Koenma snapped, hitting Shadow's wolf-petting hand.

"Jealous?" she asked. "Do you want me to pet you on the head?"

"No! It's just disturbing me."

"He's jealous," Shadow said to Tsume. He barked. "Can you tell Tsume prefers to drop his human disguise whenever he can?"

"Yes, whatever... But I feel stupid talking to a big dog."

"That's not very nice, Koenma," Shadow said, looking insulted.

"I don't care."

"Tsume, look human so Koenma doesn't feel stupid..." Kiba said, chuckling.

"Though he should feel stupid all the time, walking around with a pacifier hanging out of his mouth," Tsume muttered, crossing his arms and looking pouty. Koenma glared.

"Go get those other two. You're going back to your own time. I'm sick of all these disturbances. I'm going to find a way to seal it so nobody else can come into this time," Koenma said coldly.

"Pissy little crybaby," Shadow mumbled.

"Watch it girl, or I'll send you back to their time with them!"

"Okay!" Shadow said cheerfully. Koenma groaned.

"Come on. We're going to Reikai."

"HIGE! TOBOE!" Shadow hollered. "GET DOWN HERE!"

The two brown wolves came in a minute later.

"Do you feel like you have to come with us, Shadow?" Koenma asked.

"Yes I do. Because I don't trust you."

"What the hell!"

"You should know we always come along, Koenma. Kurama and Eclipse went home for once in their lives, so they aren't even here, and Yusuke and Kuwabara... Yusuke went home and Kuwabara accidentally fell into that manhole in the street, so he's in the sewer," Hiei said, putting emphasis on 'accidentally' and 'fell.'

A short time later, the six were standing in one of Reikai's many rooms. There was a portal in front of them that looked like black water. Shadow stared at it, smiling stupidly.

"It's shiny..." she said, reaching towards it. Koenma slapped her hand.

"I'm not sure exactly where this comes out, but it will be in your own time."

"You don't know where it comes out!?" Tsume said in disbelief. "You could be transporting us to our doom!"

"DOOM!!!" Shadow squealed, running in circles until Hiei punched her in the head.

"He's right, though! You could be sending us right into that wolf hunter's home, or into a base for the army or something!" Hige said.

"Doom?" Shadow said. Hiei hit her again.

"Yes, Shadow, we would be doomed. Now shut up," Kiba said.

"Yessir." Shadow put her hand over her own mouth.

"You should end up near where you were when you got sent to this time. Now get going!" Koenma snapped.

"Since when did you not care about other peoples' well-being?" Hiei asked.

"Fine. We'll go," Tsume said. "Forget it. Bye."

Shadow lunged at him and hugged him. "Bye!!! I'll miss you, for about five minutes until I forget!"

Tsume rolled his eyes and pried her off, stepping towards the portal with Kiba next to him. They stepped into the portal.

"Well... Your turn," Hiei said, looking at Toboe and Hige. They hadn't even moved when the portal spewed out Tsume and sent him rolling across the floor, Kiba close behind.

"What the heck!" Koenma exclaimed.

"What are we doing back here?" Tsume asked, climbing to his feet.

"That's what I wanna know!" Koenma snapped.

"We didn't do it!" Kiba said. "We just stepped in, and a second later we were sent back out into this room and went tumbling across the floor."

"Well what the heck is the deal with that?" Hiei asked.

"Try again," Koenma ordered.

They did, and once again, both were spewed out and sent tumbling across the floor.

"Well shit," Koenma muttered. "Go away. I'll figure this out."

And the group was suddenly back in Shadow's yard.

"YAY!" Shadow squealed, prying her own hand off her mouth. She lunged at Tsume and hugged him. "You get to stay even longer!"

"Yay," Tsume said dryly.

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

**I know it was short, but I just wanted to get something up so people forgot about the last chapter and it's scary pervertedness. Oh, my new obsession is the noises Zoidburg makes. I walk around making those noises all the time... My mother yells at me.**


	12. A Rather Long Chapter

_**THE AUTHORESS HAS DIED  
LONG LIVE THE AUTHORESS  
WAIT... WAIT... SHE'S STILL BREATHING...  
**_dammit.  
_**Reviews for Chapter Eleven, Going Home?**_

**Just Another Person-** Glad you like my story... I'd have people "wolf-nap" Tsume, only I'm starting to wrap up this story, so... Maybe in another story.  
**kiinu-** You gave your mom a wedgie?! God... I would be dead if I even tried that... I wouldn't even want to though. **X.X  
C.C.C.-** Teddy Bears are not my weakness... ::smile:: Bet you can't guess what is... ::points to two wolf calendars and a whale poster on the walls of her bedroom, and the inch-thick 'Encyclopedia of the Horse' book on the shelf::  
**Shessha's Crazy-** You know, this kid I sat next to in science told me he sold his homework on E-Bay but never got the money for it.  
**Bar-Ohki-** For some reason my email review alert thing didn't work so I didn't read your review until just now or I would've added dancing hyenas... Maybe in the next chapter? And yes, you're right. They have aboslutely no respect for anybody, even Koenma, and yes, he _is_ too old for a pacifier.  
**Kitty2satan-** It probably sounds original because it is. I rarely get ideas from anywhere other than whatever is festering and floating around in the empty brain cavity in my skull...  
**Draikitha-** I think I read the lyrics to the doom song that Gir sings, but I totally forget who Gir is, because I never saw it before... And my mother doesn't think very highly of anything Japanese... Anime, manga, Godzilla... Some Godzilla movie was on the Sci-Fi channel once and my mother was watching it to pick apart how it could be symbolic of Japan destroying America because they're still pissed about World War 2. She's nuts.  
**phycotic person-** White Jacket People... Scary... ::zones out and gets caught in a butterfly net:: Ooooooo...  
**Black Cat-** ::stares:: You write long, scary reviews... ::hides::

**CHAPTER TWELVE  
**A Rather Long Chapter

"I bet I can beat you at chess," Shadow said. Tsume opened one eye to look at her. She was standing above him with the chess board in one hand and the bag of pieces in the other.

"I doubt it," he said.

"You wanna prove that?"

"I suppose there's no point in saying no..."

Shadow happily set up the chess board on one of the poker tables that was constantly set up in the living room. Tsume dragged himself off the couch and sat in the chair Shadow hadn't occupied.

"You go first!" Shadow said, smiling. Tsume yawned before taking the first move.

Well, Shadow was beat in about five minutes. She glared for a second before challenging the wolf to a game or ten of poker.

Hiei came wandering down the stairs a bit later.

"You know, we've had no word from Koenma for a week," he said randomly, dropping onto the couch.

"Who cares?" Shadow asked. "I don't want them to leave."

"I'm neutral, as usual," Hiei said. "Once they leave, I'm sure there'll be some other lunatic you want to bring into the house for half a month or so until we can heal his wounds or get him back to his own time or planet or dimension..."

"Yeah, she's just a saint, ain't she," Yusuke said in a disgruntled sort of way from the dining room.

"What's your problem, Yusuke? You sound mad," Shadow said, losing yet again to Tsume's superior poker playing skills... Though it doesn't take much to be superior to Shadow... As I'm sure you can tell.

"I'm not mad, I'm disgruntled. God. Can't you read?"

"Ummmm... Read what?"

"Never mind."

"Well, Tsume, I've lost to you about as many times as I will permit, therefore, I'm going to my room!" Shadow said cheerfully. She ran up the stairs, then down the hall, making a wrong turn and slamming into the wall.

"Ow! Dammit, who put a wall there?!" she snapped, kicking it. Then she shrugged and headed for the stairs. She went all the way up to the attic (fourth floor, not really an attic...) for no apparent reason.

Meanwhile, there was a knock on the front door downstairs.

"Yusuke, answer the door. If it's somebody we don't know, call down Shadow," Hiei ordered.

Yusuke, grumbling in his disgruntled sort of way, got up and went to the door. He pulled it open. There was a group of people standing on the porch.

"Do you know us?" he asked dryly.

"Jaganshi?" one of the people said, reading off a paper.

"Not me, but they live here."

"We're from the church."

Shadow came flying down the stairs screaming. "WE GOTTA BURN DOWN THE HOUSE! KIBA'S GOT A MONSTER IN HIS ROOM! AHH-Oh? Oh! Who're these people?"

"They're with the church," Yusuke said.

"GET OFF MY PORCH BEFORE I FEED YOU TO THE ANGRY RABID WEASEL MINIONS OF DOOM!!!" Shadow screamed. "I DON'T DONATE MONEY AND I DON'T WANT TO JOIN YOUR CHURCH! THANK YOU FOR VISITING, HAVE A NICE DAY!" She slammed the door in their faces.

"One of these days, you'll do that to the wrong person," Hiei said.

"So? They can't do anything to me."

"Well maybe not _those_ people, but you'll piss off some psycho and I won't be around to rescue you and you'll get SHOT!" Hiei snapped.

"Oh well! Stupidity is the ultimate risk. You choose to be stupid and someday you'll regret it. Then again, you could be smart and be nosy and piss them off just as easily, and they'd shoot you TWICE! Muwahahahaha!!!"

"Yeah, I bet, Shadow..." Hiei muttered.

"So what was that you were saying about Kiba having a monster in his room?" Yusuke asked.

"There's a MONSTER IN HIS ROOM! WE HAVE TO BURN DOWN THE HOUSE! WE HAVE TO CAPTURE IT AND BURN IT AT THE STAKE AND SHOOT IT WITH A SILVER ATOM BOMB AND... AND... A LOT OF OTHER SHIT!"

"Sure whatever Shadow. What is it, exactly?"

"It's... _Eclipse_..."

"Since when was Eclipse a monster?" Hiei asked.

"Since she was in KIBA'S ROOM and I WALKED IN ON THEM MAKING OUT!"

"What?!" Hiei said.

"Hey, I about ran over a group of disgruntled nuns on the way here," Eclipse said, looking over her shoulder as she walked in the front door. "Any idea what--"

"YOU IDIOT, YOU JUST SCREWED IT UP!" Shadow screamed. Eclipse jumped.

"What?!"

"I HAD THEM BELIEVING YOU WERE MAKING OUT WITH KIBA! YOU SCREWED IT UP! YOU BASTARD!"

"Bastard...?" Eclispe said cluelessly. "Hey! I wasn't making out with Kiba!"

"No SHIT, Sherlock! But they weren't supposed to know that!"

"Shadow, you're an airhead," Hiei said. "I'm gonna go play pool."

"With who?" Yusuke asked.

"Hige's down there, I think."

"Have fun!" Shadow squealed, hugging him. "I'll miss you!"

"Erm... Okay..." Hiei said, quickly exiting the room.

"You're nuts, you know that?" Eclipse said.

"Shut up, wolf-maker-outer-with! Don't tell me what to do!"

"Umm... First off... I wasn't making out with a wolf... That was you... And second... I wasn't telling you what to do..."

"Shut up! Don't try to sound smarter than me! It's not allowed! You cannot be superior to the great lord and master, Shadow Jaganshi!" Shadow jumped up on a chair with her hands on her hips and her head tilted in such a way that it made her look like she was attempting to look like Superman or some other such superhero. Yusuke and Eclipse stared.

"Erm... Okay."

Shadow jumped off the chair and ran out of the room with her arms out to her sides, acting like she was an airplane, making the noises to go with it.

"So... How was your day?" Eclipse asked in an attempt to block out Shadow.

"Oh... Just... Dandy," Yusuke muttered. He walked out the front door.

"Hey! Don't leave me alone here! Where are you going?!" Eclipse yelped.

"Dunno."

"Curse you, you half-human mudscum!"

"MUDSCUM!" Shadow screamed suddenly. "Mudscum, mudscum, mudscum."

"Dammit," Eclipse muttered.

"What's a mudscum?" Shadow asked.

"Poo."

"POO IS MUDSCUM, MUDSCUM IS POO! Did you know that 'mudscum' is spelled the same both ways?"

"Ummm... No it isn't."

"YES IT IS! M-P-U-FOO-LA-MAHHA-SEE! SEE-MAHHA-LA-FOO-U-P-M! U-P-M! UP M! UP 'EM!!! Up what? Up the butt? Up the nose? Oh say can you see, by the sun in the sky, if the cloud covers it, are we all gonna die! Ha ha ha, I just made that up! Pretty good, eh? Wooooo!!! Bjjjjjjjjjzzzzzzfffffrrrrrrnnnnnneeeellllllgggggernogle!"

Shadow was now running in circles like an airplane again. She jumped up on the chair she'd been on before, saluting to a small white moth on the ceiling.

"YES, SIR! I SHALL SERVE YOU AND DIE FOR YOU AND THE CAUSE AND THE COUNTRY! DO NOT WORRY YOUR LITTLE BUGGY-WUGGY EYEBALLS OUT! THAT'S NOT HEALTHY!" She jumped off the chair and crawled under the table, pulling an invisible walkie-talkie out of her pocket and talking into it, making the noises like the static between the two different voices she used to talk to herself with.

"_Shhht!_ Come in, Alpha Omega Shi! Come in, Alpha Omega Shi! This is Mega Beta Shoe! I repeat, come in, Alpha Omega Shi! Are you there, Alpha Omega-- _Shhht!_ This is Alpha Omega Shi! Mega Beta Shoe, we're surrounded! There's no hope! We're outnumbered five to one! Tell my wife I love her! Gaaaaaack! _Shhht!_ Alpha Omega Shi! Don't give up! I don't even know who your wife is! What is her name? Where can I find her?! _Shhht!_ Her name is Eclipse Shinomori. She's standing by the table you're under. I'm going to die here, covered in mud! _Shhht!_ MUDSCUM! _Shhht!_ Mega Beta Shoe, you must tell her... Tell her..."

Shadow rolled out from under the table and jumped up on the chair, saluting to Eclipse.

"YOUR HUSBAND, CODENAME ALPHA OMEGA SHI, HAS DIED AND HE WANTED ME TO TELL YOU HE LOVES YOU, AND THAT HE DIED SURROUNDED AND WITHOUT PUTTING UP A FIGHT, LIKE A PITIFUL COWARD! HE IS NOW LYING IN A BIG PUDDLE OF MUDSCUM SOMEWHERE IN SOME SECLUDED JUNGLE IN THE MIDDLE OF SOME REMOTE ISLAND AND NOBODY SURVIVED AND NOBODY WILL FIND HIS BODY AND HE WILL HAVE NO SORT OF BURIAL WHATSOEVER AND ONLY I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM, SO NOW HIS MURDERERS WILL COME AFTER ME! MY TIME ON THIS CHAIR IS LIMITED!" She made the sound of a gunshot and clutched at her chest, pulling paintbrush out of her pocket and painting a big red splotch over her heart before falling off the chair (literally, falling backwards off the chair).

"Oh my God, I'm going to die here on the wood floor of this bleach-reeking house and nobody is around to save me! I must... call... somebody..." She pulled out her imaginary walkie-talkie. "Google-Eyes Fourteen, this is Mega Beta Shoe! Google-Eyes Fourteen, this is Mega Beta Shoe! Come in, please! I'm dying! I've been shot in the heart by a sniper as I told the gruesome story of Alpha Omega Shi's sudden and cowardly demise! Please! Come in! GOOGLE-EYES FOURTEEN, DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU!"

Shadow then made a great show of twitching and having a mock-seizure and gagging and flinging red paint everywhere and screaming and clutching her chest and jumping up and stumbling around gasping before she finally collapsed onto the chair she'd been standing on, throwing herself down into it so hard it tipped over backwards and she was dumped out onto the floor, panting despite the fact that she was supposed to be dead.

Tsume, Eclipse, Hiei, Hige, Toboe, and Kiba had gathered to watch, dropping whatever they'd been doing before to see what the hell the deal was with this psycho.

Shadow laid in the same position for the rest of the day, the chair still tipped over next to her, red paint permanently staining her shirt and skin, even though it's washable...

However, despite her lying still, she still sang.

"I wish I were an Oscar Meyer wiener," she was singing tunelessly when Hiei passed by her to go outside. (A/N: Don't own it...)

"Team by team reporters baffled, trumped, tethered cropped. Look at that low playing! Fine, then. Uh oh, overflow, population, common food, but it'll do. Save yourself, serve yourself. World serves its own needs, listen to your heart bleed dummy with the rapture and the revered and the right, right!" she sang slowly as Eclipse passed by the doorway. (A/N: Don't own that either.)

Hiei came back inside to a muffled chorus of, "Home, home on the range, where the deer and the antelopes play..." He stood above her for a moment until she changed her song.

"Ah... machi kado, Nagareru hitonami ni, Ima sakarau you ni, Aruiteku hitori, Tooi hibi miushinatta, Taisetsu na ano egao o, Mune ni kizande..." (A/N: Own 'em? Nope.)

Hiei groaned. "Must you?"

Shadow kept singing. He walked away muttering.

Nobody bothered her until they wanted dinner. When subtle hinting didn't work (Eclipse walking by Shadow and randomly saying, "Boy, I'm hungry."), the hungry-and-"completely-helpless" group said it more directly (Hiei squatting down next to the still-singing Shadow and saying, "We want you to fix dinner, Shadow. Get up now and snap to it."). However, when an hour had passed with subtle hints and out rightly blurting it having no effect, and it was already around seven thirty and there were nine stomachs to fill (why do people swarm to Shadow's house for dinner?), Hiei and Yusuke grabbed her by the arms and forced her to stand up (also making her recital of "A Pirate's Life For Me" turn into a more of a whiney screech than a song, A/N: Don't own it, like I've said already), then dragged her into the kitchen.

"Shadow, Fix Dinner Now Before I Control Your Mind Again," Hiei said, pronouncing each syllable clearly. Shadow blinked.

"Töte mich und iss mein Hirn!!!"

"I don't speak German..." Hiei said dryly.

"Gott weiß ich will kein Engel sein..." Shadow said.

Hiei sighed. "Fix dinner, dammit."

Shadow laughed. "They're from songs! Jeez... Go listen to Rammstein." (A/N: Don't own and have no affiliation...)

"I don't speak German..." Hiei repeated. "Listening to the music won't help me understand it..."

"Well, the first one was something like, 'Kill me and eat my brain,'" Shadow said thoughtfully, getting a horrified look from Yusuke and completely ignoring it. "And I think the second one was like... 'God knows I don't want to be an angel.' Rammstein is screwed up... The lyrics are, at least, but it's good music..."

(A/N: Yes, Rammstein is a good band, it's German heavy metal or something, but if you speak German or find the lyrics translated, you probably will not like them... They've got a lot worse stuff in their songs than "Kill me and eat out my brain.")

"Fix dinner and stop talking about eating brains! I'm hungry and I might just go ahead and do that!" Yusuke snapped.

"Wouldn't be much there, Yusuke," Hiei muttered.

"THEN I'LL EAT _YOUR_ BRAIN!"

"Ahhhhh!!!" Hiei yelled, running out of the room as Yusuke chased him.

"That's odd... I thought I was supposed to be the psycho who threatened to eat people's brains..." Shadow said cluelessly as Hiei and Yusuke sped by the doorway. Then she shrugged and started searching the cabinets and fridge for something enough to fill ten peoples' stomachs.

Not going into details of how or what they ate, as I've done that twice... They've all experienced Shadow's and Eclipse's frightening eating habits...

People seemed to have forgotten about (or chosen to block the memory of) Shadow's little... display... by the next day... Shadow was being her normal self, if normal can be used in the same sentence as Shadow without saying she "IS NOT NORMAL."

Since they still had no word from Koenma, and they'd tired of playing poker, chess, and whatever other game they'd been playing, Shadow made a wonderful proposal that evening.

"Hey! I just had a grand idea! Let's start a fire!"

"Shadow, how about we don't..." Kiba said.

"No, you goon! I mean, like, a campfire, like in a fire ring or whatever Smoker the Bear says you should do with it! Out in the backyard!" Shadow said cheerfully, already headed for the door. "Tell somebody to tell everybody else. Or you could go ahead and tell everyone else and save somebody all that trouble."

Shadow danced out the front door and around to the back of the house. She made some kind of crappy makeshift fire ring (not like she'd have any problem controlling the fire), threw some wood in it, and ran back inside to get just about anything that's edible when impaled on a stick and shoved into a raging fire (hot dogs, marshmallows, etc).

Then she dragged a bunches of logs out of the forest to act as benches, situated them around the fire, and lit the logs with her wonderful fire demon skills. When everybody else came out, they found her doing some odd chant and dancing in circles around the fire.

"Shadow, don't do that," Eclipse commanded dryly, grabbing a hot dog and stabbing it with a roasty thingy. Shadow danced by just as she went to put it into the fire, and the idiot girl was stabbed in the leg.

"BLOODY MURDER!" she screamed, hopping around. "DAMN YOU, YOU MESSED UP MY SNAKE CHARMING DANCE!"

"I don't think that dance could charm anything, not even a snake, and that's only if you can call it a dance," Tsume muttered.

"You'd better watch it, Mighty Wearer of Tight Black Leather! When a psychotic poisonous snake comes along and bites your leg for no apparent reason, it'll be YOU who'll regret saying that," Shadow said, pointing accusingly. Tsume shrugged and sat in the grass at the edge of the firelight.

"Nice. Sit in the grass where a snake can reach you even easier..." Eclipse muttered.

"What, you think her so-called 'dance' actually worked?!"

"You never know..." Eclipse said, sounding mysterious.

"Yeah, well you can make a pretty educated guess, and my guess is that she was just being an idiot, like usual," Tsume said.

"What's got you in such a pissy mood?!" Shadow asked, putting her hands on her hips and glaring.

"LOOK OUT, IT'S A SNAKE!" Yusuke shouted, pointing towards Shadow's feet. She jumped up and clung to Kurama's neck.

"Ahhhhhh! It wants to kill me, mommy! Save me!!"

Yusuke fell off the log-bench laughing. Shadow then realized he'd just pulled a trick on her and she'd fallen for it. She lunged at him and kicked him in the stomach.

"You were the one doing the supposed 'snake charming dance,' Shadow," Hige pointed out. "Why would you want to bring in snakes if you're scared of them?"

Shadow finished pummeling Yusuke and glared at Hige. "I'm not scared of anything, you dumb wolf! Do I look like the type of person who scares easily?!"

Hige looked Shadow over, her silver-marked black hair, her red eyes and pale skin, her black tank top, the silver chains she happened to be wearing around her wrists and neck, her baggy black jeans, down to her steel-toed black boots. Then he looked her over again, taking in a few more details. Everybody watched either Shadow, standing with her arms crossed, or Hige, staring at her as she stood with her arms crossed.

"No, you don't," he answered finally.

"See! Idiot."

"But everybody can get scared. I bet I can find out what you're scared of."

"You go ahead and try to guess. If you guess right, I'll confirm it," Shadow said. "But it'll take a while, so you'd better start now."

With that, she sat down next to Hiei and impaled a marshmallow on a stick. And Hige took her advice, sitting down on her other side.

"You're afraid of snakes."

"Nope."

"Hm... Spiders?"

"No."

"Cats."

"No."

"Death?"

"No."

"Blood?"

"Hardly."

"Um... Mice?"

"No."

"Rats?"

"Nope."

"The dark?"

Shadow laughed.

"Youko?"

"I got over that."

"Foxes?"

"No."

"Lions? Tigers? Bears?"

"Nope, no, and huh-uh."

"Me?"

"No."

"Tsume?"

"Tsume's awesome."

"Bright lights?"

"No."

"Lunatics?"

"HA."

"Dogs?"

"Noooope."

"Horses? Dolphins? Hamsters? Llamas?"

"LLAMA!!! I love llamas."

"So is that a no on the rest?"

"Yes, it's a no."

"Damn. Are you afraid of Hell?"

"No."

"Heaven?"

"Noo."

"Sex?"

"No..."

"Virginity?"

"I am a virgin, stupid! Why would I be afraid of virginity? How is virginity a scary thing? How is Heaven or sex a scary thing?"

"I dunno. How about dragons? Are you scared of dragons?"

"Not scared of the Kokoryuu-ha..."

"Is that a dragon?"

"Hai."

"Okay. What about criminals? Scared of them?"

Everybody soon learned to block out Hige as Shadow carried on conversations with all of them, her dialogue scattered with 'no' randomly as Hige continued to guess. He guessed everything from the sun to the Bible to guns to telephones and everything in between, getting a 'no' on each one. Even as Shadow and Eclipse sang campfire songs after dark, Shadow continued answering him each time he guessed.

"God?"

"Kum-bay-yah, My NOOO, Kum-Bay-Yah..."

He'd been guessing for at least half an hour, had to have named at least one hundred or more things and gotten a negative on all of them. It was dark and the brown wolf Toboe was curled up near the fire that Tsume had finally gotten nearer as it got cooler. Shadow stared at him idly, saying a bored-sounding "Nope" to Hige every few seconds, when she suddenly had an idea.

"Hey! I'm gonna go get the tents. We're spending the night out here," she said, smiling and standing up. Hiei had been resting against her shoulder and when she stood up, he fell off the log.

"What?" Eclipse mumbled, blinking her eyes open from where she'd fallen asleep against Kurama.

"We're campin' under the stars tonight, kids!" Shadow announced loudly. She ran inside before anyone could object. About ten minutes later, she came back with five tents folded up and held above her head.

"Two people to a tent, unless somebody wants to sleep in the grass!" she said, dropping the tents onto the ground.

"Sleeping outside! You're afraid of sleeping outside without a tent!" Hige guessed randomly.

"Nooo..." Shadow said, staring in a confused sort of way. She shook her head. "Anyway, somebody come here and help me set up these tents!"

After the tents were set up and Shadow was talking excitedly and still denying every one of Hige's guesses, Tsume stood up and started towards the house.

"Sleeping outside might be something unusual for you," he said to Shadow. "But I do it all the time. I'm going inside."

"There's one problem with that," Shadow said.

"What?"

"I closed and locked all the windows and doors. The only key not locked inside the house is right here. And now..." She held up the key. Then she put her hand in her shirt. "And now, it's in my bra. So there's no way you're getting it."

"Do you think I don't know how to pick a lock?" Tsume said, keeping his voice steady despite the fact that he was pretty sure there was probably "one problem with that" as well.

"Not the lock on my doors. There's no way a wolf would have enough knowledge to open one of those, no matter how many other locks he's picked in his life," Shadow said, smirking. "So, unless you're planning on attacking me in my sleep and tearing off all my clothes, you're not getting back in the house!" She finished cheerfully despite the rather odd and un-cheerful topic she'd just mentioned.

"You're nuts," Tsume muttered, but he sulked back to the campfire without testing her door lock theory.

"Mirrors!" Hige guessed hopefully when Shadow followed Tsume back.

"Disturbing things, those, but no."

"Man! What are you scared of!?"

"You have to guess."

Hige groaned. "Anybody want to help me out, here? Hiei?"

"Sorry pal. Even I don't know," Hiei answered, ducking into one of the tents.

"Kurama? Do you know?"

"No clue, Hige," Kurama replied, also going into one of the tents. Shadow followed Hiei into his tent, Eclipse went into an empty tent, leaving two tents empty for Yusuke, Kuwabara, and the four wolves.

"Okay, somebody's gonna have to sleep with Eclipse and Kurama if we're all gonna fit in the tents," Yusuke said.

Tsume groaned and lay down next to Toboe by the fire. Kiba followed his example. Hige sat there looking thoughtful. Yusuke and Kuwabara went into their separate tents. And, in that manner, they all spent the night.

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

**Yeah, about the German quotes from Rammstein songs, I'm fairly certain I got the right lines with the right line of the translation, but being as I don't speak German (even thought I'm over one fourth German), I'm not sure.  
**Oh, and I want to know what you think Shadow is scared of. I'm not asking because of my usual reason, my "I DON'T KNOW, DAMMIT, YOU THINK FOR ME!" I'm just curious as to what you think. You'll know if you're right, I'll reveal it next chapter.  
**This story now has 131 reviews, I think, and with this chapter will be tied for number of chapters and over the number of words in the Bishie Abduction story (but I had a sudden genius revelation, a lot of words in these chapters are my notes at the ends of the chapters and my replies to your reviews, so... This story without the stuff, I opened it and did word count in Microsoft Word, it's 32,841, 71-and-a-half pages... That's pretty long, isn't it...**


	13. Froggy Where?

**_THOU AUTHORESS SPAKE_****_  
Reviews for Chapter Twelve, A Rather Long Chapter_**

**kaida13-** You are a scary person. Have a gold star. You're the only one to guess one correctly.  
**C.C.C.-** You must really like that story... ::is plotting ways to steal the overly large stuffed animals:: Stealing (and other criminal offenses) is okay, so long as you don't get caught...  
**Draikitha-** Acting camp?! Do you have to... like... act or something there? Lol.  
**kiinu-** Care bears are going to take of some small third world country, like India, and break Saddam Hussein out of prison to help take over the world. God, I'm good at making up those kinds of things (conspiracy theories, is that what they're called?) just off the top of my head.  
**Wild Roses-** Normal people are scary creatures... But... There's no such thing as normal. I mean, if you'd ask me what normal is, I'd say, "I'M NORMAL AND EVERYONE ELSE IS NUTS!" But maybe that's just cuz by society's definition, I'm insane.  
**Black Cat-** Autopsy on a dead squirrel. ::sobs:: GRIEVE FOR THE POOR CRITTER! Who's Chubby?  
**Bar-Ohki-** Where exactly do you come up with these random insane things? About hyenas dancing and Shadow hitting raccoons with sea otters? Oh, did you notice I visited your place of insanty? :)  
**Kitty2satan-** Heh heh. In order for somebody to be the complete opposite of Shadow, he'd have to be some rich stuck-up snot obsessed with manners and such stuff.  
**Just Another Person-** Yes. Tsume is the Mighty Wearer of Tight Black Leather and if I ever met him, I'd worship him and his tight-black-leatherness.  
**Abanasinia-** Well, I wouldn't say Rammstein's lyrics are insane... More like perverted... Every single song is about sex or something. But they're awesome so long as you don't speak German fluently... has all their lyrics in German and English)

**Would the owner of a green Mustang parked... ::pauses:: Disregard that. I'll just steal it-- er... I mean... I'll... erm... Hey look! A pink elephant! ::runs away:: _(that was random. It just popped into my head... like... "would the owner of a green Mustang parked in the fire lane please move it?")  
_**_Have you noticed that the chapter names in this story are as strange and random as the story itself? I do that on purpose. Cuz I don't wanna give anybody any clue as to what the chapter may be about... There's like... three chapters that have titles that might give away what it's about..._

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN  
**Froggy Where!?

Koenma came back the next day around noon and went to Shadow's door, as usual (he'd stopped poofing into the house when he'd accidentally appeared and scared Shadow so bad she chased him with a frying pan and a torch all the way to the other side of the city, howling insults in a dozen different languages all the way). However, he found it locked, which was extremely and highly UNusual.

He knocked. "Hey Shadow! Hiei! Anyone home?" That door is never locked, not even when nobody's home. Maybe... Something bad had happened, or they were all being held hostage, or Shadow was in there having sex with a wolf while Hiei wasn't home! Koenma groaned at that thought. Sicko. But the possibility remains...

"Hey Shadow!"

He stood there knocking on the door for a minute or two before he finally gave up. He wouldn't poof inside. If Shadow was in there having sex with somebody, not necessarily a wolf, maybe Youko'd finally managed to convince Shadow, and if he had, Koenma didn't want to poof in there and see anything like that occurring, because then he'd have two really pissed off tantei, not to mention the damage it would do to his virgin eyes...

With these thoughts in mind, he turned to leave and came face to face with leather-clad Tsume.

"AUGH! My God, don't do that! You scared the crap out of me!" Koenma said, his hand over his heart.

"Don't worry, _his_ face could scare anyone," Yusuke said, on the stairs behind Tsume. He went sprawling onto the grass, however, when Tsume swung his arm back casually and knocked him in the side of the face while acting like he was just stretching.

"Stupid wolf," Yusuke muttered. Tsume glared. "I mean, O Mighty Wolf, I beg forgiveness for my insults to you and your kind!"

"Good," Tsume said dryly, just saying the word to acknowledge he'd heard Yusuke and brush him aside at the same time as he turned back to Koenma. "So what brings you back here, pacifier face?"

"Where's the rest of my tantei?" Koenma asked.

"They died," Tsume said.

"What?!"

"Might as well have with the way they're sleeping..." Kurama said, leaning against the side of the house where nobody had noticed him because of some rose bush or something growing between him and them. Kiba and Toboe came around the corner or the house a moment later.

"It's no use. Shadow sleeps like the dead, and Hiei went and vanished off into the woods," Kiba said.

"Looks like we're stuck out here for another few hours," Toboe said.

"Unless we have a volunteer to grope her," Yusuke muttered. "Of course, then she'd wake up and kill us all."

"Grope her?! What the hell? Where is Shadow?" Koenma asked.

"Shadow, Eclipse, and Kuwabara are sleeping in tents in the backyard," Tsume said. "She forced us all to sleep outside and she put the only key to the house in her bra. We don't wanna go after it for fear of an early death."

"Oh... I'll go wake her up," Koenma said confidently. He walked past the mob of people and around to the back of the house, where he called out to the general public.

"Hey everyone! Food!"

Hige jumped up from his place by the fire that had burned out as soon as Shadow and Hiei had fallen asleep. "Food?"

"FOOD?!" Eclipse shouted at the same time, jumping up inside her tent, knocking her head off the top, falling against the side and knocking it over. Kuwabara did just about the same thing, only he thrashed a lot more and put holes through his tent until he was wearing it like some odd piece of clothing. Eclipse was more intelligent (A/N: Oh my God, what did I just say?!) and managed to somehow crawl out of the opening and bound up to Koenma like a dog, drooling, her tongue lolling out of her mouth.

"Food? Where's food? Foodfoodfood!!!"

However, the most desired effect didn't work.

Shadow rolled over in her sleep. "Go to Hell. I'm not fixing dinner again..." She snorted and continued sleeping.

"Sooo... We're stuck out in the yard until we can wake her up?" Koenma said to generally anyone who'd reply. Eclipse was still drooling and begging like a dog, jumping around in a manner more suited to a bunny rabbit than a dog.

"That's right," Kurama said.

"Where's Hiei?"

"I told you, he went off into the woods somewhere," Kiba reminded him.

"Damn."

"You might as well tell us why you came here," Tsume said. "We're not going to get through to Shadow. She sleeps like a corpse."

"Well, I came to tell you that I know what you guys have to do to make the portal work. I tried a million tests on the portal to see if there was anything wrong with _it_, and there isn't. There's something wrong with _you_."

"What do you mean?" Kiba asked.

"NOOOO! THEY CANNOT LEAVE ME!!!"

Shadow came flying out of her tent and latched onto Tsume. "MINE!"

"Shadow, calm down before I knock you out," Tsume said calmly. Shadow looked up at him innocently, then dropped to the ground.

"How oddly thou repliest."

"Huh?"

"O, much I fear some ill unthrifty thing..."

"Shadow, shut up. You're scaring us all."

"O, ROMEO, ROMEO! WHEREFORE ART THOU, ROMEO?!" Shadow called, then, in reply to herself and imitating Romeo, she said, "I'VE DIED, YOU FOOL!"

"I think in Romeo and Juliet, Shadow, Juliet died before Romeo..." Kurama said. "Not sure, though…"

"SHUT UP, ROMEO! FOR NEVER WAS A STORY OF MORE WOE THAN THIS OF JULIET AND HER ROMEO! CUZ THEY BOTH F&%$IN' DIED!" Shadow hollered. "SUICIDAL IDIOTS!"

"... O-kay..."

"COME HITHER!"

"No."

"Find, don't, you bloody bastard..." Shadow muttered, sulking back into her tent.

"Hey! Don't go back in there, you--"

"He's gone, he's killed, he's dead!"

"Shadow!"

"NAY!"

**"SHADOW COME BACK OUT HERE NOW AND STOP QUOTING SHAKESPEARE OR I'M SENDING YOUKO IN THERE TO GET THAT KEY OUT OF YOUR BRA!"** Koenma hollered.

Shadow bolted out and sat on top of Koenma's head. "There's no fox going to dig around in my bra for a key. Hold out your hand."

Having a very difficult time balancing with Shadow on his head, Koenma swayed and Shadow dropped the key onto the ground before he'd held out his hand. He fell over in the process of fetching it and dumped Shadow off onto the ground.

"Fine! I'll open the stupid door!" Shadow snapped, getting up and stomping to the porch. She unlocked the door and stomped inside. "You and your STUPID portal news just couldn't wait another **TWO SECONDS** FOR ME TO GET TO THE PART WHERE ROMEO KICKS THE CAN!"

"What the hell are you rambling about, Shadow?" Hiei asked, coming down the stairs.

"How the hell did you get in here?" Yusuke asked.

"I came down the chimney. Ho ho ho. Like that Saintie Claw guy... Or whatever the hell that fat guy in red is called," Hiei muttered.

"AHHHH! FAT GUY IN RED!" Shadow screamed.

"I figured it out! You're afraid of fat guys in red!" Hige exclaimed triumphantly.

"You're scared of Santa Claus? But he doesn't even exist!" Kurama said.

"THAT'S WHY HE'S SO SCARY! THE LAST THING I WANT IS A DAMN NONEXISTENT FAT GUY COMING DOWN MY CHIMNEY AND RAIDING MY KITCHEN BECAUSE HE THINKS I WANT A TOY TRAIN AND A TEDDY BEAR UNDER THE DAMN CHRISTMAS TREE!" Shadow yelled.

"But if he doesn't exist, how's he gonna come down the chimney?" Eclipse asked, wiping the drool off her mouth.

"Do we even have a chimney?" Hiei asked.

"Well we must if you came down it," Shadow said cluelessly.

"I was being sarcastic about that," Hiei said. "I came in through a window."

"But I closed all the windows!"

"I know. I was being sarcastic again. I picked the lock on the door," Hiei replied casually. Shadow glared. "Now why's Koenma here?"

"I forget," Shadow pouted, still glaring. "Something about Romeo and Juliet or something..."

Koenma groaned. "Stupid girl..."

"I am not stupid! I'm just highly forgetful and easily confused!"

"Sure, if you say so," Koenma muttered.

"Oh, and Hige, there's three or so more things I'm scared of, but you'll never guess them," Shadow said.

"Let's see... You're afraid of the Easter Bunny."

"AHHH! GIANT RABBIT!" Shadow said, hiding.

"Jeez, she's got a theme. She's afraid of everything little children believe in when they're little..." Kurama muttered.

"HOW THE HELL DOES A GIANT RABBIT GET INTO YOUR HOUSE AND GIVE YOU CHOCOLATE AND EGGS? WHAT'S A RABBIT DOING WITH EGGS, ANYWAY? DON'T THEY GIVE BIRTH TO LIVE YOUNG?! RABBITS DON'T LAY EGGS! AND CHOCOLATE! I BET CHOCOLATE IS REALLY JUST PURIFIED RABBIT SHIT! THAT'S WHY THAT DAMN BUNNY HAS ENOUGH TO GIVE IT TO THE ENTIRE WORLD!" Shadow was bawling.

"And... How about..." Hige said, thinking. Koenma had long ago given up on trying to explain whatever he'd wanted to explain and was instead waiting for them to finish terrorizing Shadow.

"The tooth fairy," Kurama said dryly.

"Now that is one scary little critter, let me tell you. She's the smallest yet most evil of the trio. I bet she's some kind of demon, flitting around stealing your teeth. She probably sells them on eBay or something, and gets hundreds of thousands of dollars selling perfect specimens of child's DNA to mad scientists all over the world, and soon everybody will have a double walking around. An EVIL double! Whether it's the original that was evil or the tooth clone that is evil, there'll be two people, and one will be evil. And after selling one tooth to the mad scientists, she takes the other however many are in your mouth and she melts them down and makes weapons and houses with them for all the other psychotic little fairies that think they deserve to have our TEETH! WELL LET ME TELL YOU, ALL MY TEETH WERE SAFELY STORED IN ONE PLACE UNTIL THAT HORRIBLE TRAGEDY DESTROYED MY HOUSE, SO SCREW YOU! THEY'RE PROBABLY STILL LYING IN THE ASH OF THAT HOUSE! UNLESS--Gasp! Unless the fairies were the ones who burnt down my house in the first place! AND THEY TOOK ALL MY TEETH AND SOMETIME IN THE FUTURE THERE'LL BE ANOTHER ME RUNNING AROUND! THAT'S A HORRIBLE THOUGHT, ISN'T IT! AREN'T YOU ALL SCARED! RUN AND HIDE BEHIND TSUME!" Shadow howled, diving at the couch and vanishing between two of the cushions.

"... Are we done listening to Shadow's rants?" Koenma asked. "Because I don't want to listen anymore. I could get her thrown into an asylum for just that rant. Combine everything else she's done and they'd just put her in the electric chair and put the electric chair in the gas chamber and activate them BOTH."

"Nice," Hiei said, sitting on the stairs about halfway up.

"Isn't it though?" Kurama muttered.

"But she said there's three..." Hige said in a miserable sort of way.

"Then keep guessing," Tsume said. "Better figure it out now so you won't be pestering us later..."

"I'M AFRAID OF..." Shadow started. Then she paused and said dramatically, "Poooooop!"

"Well that's gotta suck," Yusuke said.

"That's sick," Kuwabara whined.

"Are you seriously afraid of crap?"

"No, stupid!" Shadow snapped, still hidden under the couch cushions. They moved when she talked. "Keep guessing!"

"You're afraid of... ECLIPSE!" Hige declared.

"She's my best friend. Are you scared of Toboe or Kiba?" Shadow answered.

"No."

"I didn't ask if you're afraid of Tsume because I know you are."

"I am not!"

"KEEP GUESSING, FOOL!"

"CLOWNS!"

Shadow screamed, making the cushions fly off the couch. Everybody stared.

"You're scared of clowns?" Yusuke asked incredulously.

Shadow stared up at them with big, scared eyes and said in a little, scared voice, "It tried to kill me. They have big noses, scary voices, big feet, and they're always really freaking happy. And they all fit in those miniscule cars that are for three-year-olds."

"Clowns are paid to look happy all the time," Kurama said flatly.

"That's scary... And... They honk those little horns and... And..." Shadow was clearly avoiding her real reason.

"Spit it out," Hiei said dryly.

"THEY EAT THE LITTLE CHILDREN!" Shadow exploded.

Everybody stared for several minutes. Then Hiei broke the silence.

"But Shadow... So do you."

"WHO TOLD YOU?"

"A frog," Hiei said in the same matter-of-fact tone he'd used before.

"FROGGY? WHERE?" Eclipse squealed. She looked around with wide eyes and an excited smile before running towards the front door and slamming right into it. They all stared at her.

"Walk much?" Tsume said dryly. Eclipse jumped up and ran straight into the door again, and again, and AGAIN before finally opening it and tripping down the steps off the porch.

Everybody stared for a minute at her as she ran around aimlessly in the yard and crashed into a tree. She laid there twitching. The front door was still wide open. They stared out for a minute longer before Koenma cleared his throat.

"Well... As I was saying," he said, finally drawing the conversation back to its original roots (that had somewhere got lost back in the yard when they were still locked out).

Shadow seeped out of the couch and fell face-first onto the floor with a thud. They hardly even noticed as she lay there twitching.

"Yes, get on with it," Hiei said.

"After extensive research, I made the discovery that in order for the portal to operate properly, you all must have a certain level of alcohol in your blood," Koenma said, sounding a little embarrassed.

"Ha! And you said it'd kill us if we went through drunk!" Tsume accused.

"I never said it'd kill you, I just said I wasn't sure what would happen."

"That's what you say _now_," Hige muttered.

"It doesn't matter, anyway!" Koenma whined. "The point is... START DRINKING."

"But what if they don't wanna go home?" Shadow asked, having decided hiding under cushions was more fun than being seen. She'd vanished back under them so only her red eyes blinked out at the group.

"TOO BAD! They're from the future, it's a screw-up in space and time for them to be here, and they need to go BACK!" Koenma snapped. "Now GET DRUNK!"

"God, you're irritable lately," Yusuke muttered. Shadow came flying out of the couch and hugged Koenma.

"Are you having mood swings? Poor baby..." She stepped back. "There. Now get lost."

Koenma stared.

"Get! Get! Scat! Mreow! Hisssss!" Shadow snapped, hissing and snarling. Koenma vanished.

"Well... Better break out the beer," Kiba said miserably.

"But... I don't wanna get drunk," Toboe said.

"I'll make some more of that crap I gave you guys before so you can take it with you..." Kurama said, walking out of the room.

"TIME TO GET DRUNK!" Shadow hollered.

"Not. You," Hiei said, grabbing her shirt as she turned to go to the basement.

"Why not?"

"Because I said so."

"Are _you_ gonna?"

"That's different."

"Why?!"

"Because I said so. Now go out there and find Eclipse. She seems to have gone looking for that frog again that I mentioned before."

Eclipse flew through the door and plowed over Shadow to tackle Hiei.

"FROGGY WHERE?!"

Hiei groaned.

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

Nobody pointed this out, but I just realized for no reason (it just popped into my head) that when Kurama made that stuff to keep them from having hangovers anymore, he gave some to Toboe too. Toboe didn't get drunk. Well… Let's just say they were worried smelling it had done damage…  
**I don't own Romeo and Juliet.  
**Here's the story of Romeo and Juliet in a nutshell, if you don't know it: Romeo and Juliet are in love. For some reason (Eclipse says "Because she's stupid!") Juliet fakes her own death and Romeo thinks she's dead so he kills himself and when she finds out he killed himself she kills herself for real. I didn't know that when I wrote Kurama's comment about Juliet dying first. And me and Eclipse have agreed that yes indeed, Romeo and Juliet were both stupid and that's why they killed themselves. (I never read the story, but my mom explained it to me in about the same words that I just used to explain it to you.)  
Oh, and I wrote the entire clown fear scene, from the part after Koenma said whatever he did about the electric chair in the gas chamber, where Hiei said "Nice," to the part where Eclipse is running into the tree in the yard, I wrote that all while I was on the phone with Eclipse… Heh heh heh… She helped me. All bow to my muse and best friend for eight years, Eclipse… Riiiight… The girl who calls me stupid and all that… I suppose you get what you give out, though… Cuz I call her stupid all the time too. Great friendship we have, right?  
Also, go to my myotaku art page, I kinda illustrated a scene from this chapter.


	14. I Don't Lick Frogs

**_THE AUTHORESS SPEAKS  
BLAH. BLAH. BLAAAHHH.  
Reviews for Chapter Thirteen, Froggy Where?!_**

**Okami Youkai-** You know, many times I have seriously considered doing a Shakespeare style- Yu Yu Hakusho fanfic, but I haven't yet and that'd be horrible if I did, wouldn't it? You wouldn't know what they were talking about (do you ever anyway, with Shadow and Eclipse's ramblings?).  
**Just Another Person-** Long live The Randomness. (It shall rule the world someday)  
**Draikitha-** Lol. Interesting stories you tell... I went and saw A Midsummmer Night's Dream cuz my cousin was in it... I didn't understand a word they said, but it was still funny somehow.  
**kaida13-** Romeo was probably some wrinkled old man who had no teeth and walked with a cane, and he didn't commit suicide, he died of heart failure and they said he committed suicide... And Juliet probably hated him, but Shakespeare decided that it'd be a better story if they killed themselves and loved each other or whatever... I haven't the slightest clue.  
**Abanasinia-** What's Othello? Isn't it some other Shakespeare foodle-de-doodle? What's it about? Suicide? Love? Some king who wants his daughter to marry the priest but it turns out his daughter is really a man and they don't find out until the wedding? (Wow, that was scary, I just made that up and it was influenced by absolutely nothing...)  
**Bar-Ohki-** Oh, kerndleshnerdle. I was gonna go read that story when I read your review, but then I obviously got sidetracked for five seconds and forgot. Shadow has a five minute memory, I have a five _second_ memory. And if there's somebody more psychotic than Shadow, that person is breaking a law. One of MY laws that are punished more horribly than with a jail sentence... Muwahahaha...  
**Black Cat-** Aren't ground squirrels a.k.a. chipmunks? Cuz if you're wishing death upon CHIPMUNKS, **I SHALL RELEASE MY WEASEL MINIONS OF DOOM UPON YOU!** Chipmunks remind me of hamsters, and I had a hamster and he DIED but chipmunks are still cute. And if you're wishing death upon the FOAMIES, **CURSE YOU!** Sorry. I'm okay now. I'm what my friend calls a "bunny hugger." There are very few animals in the world I don't like. :D (I'm not pathetic, what would make you think that?)  
**PicoPicoZufuChan-** Uhhhh... Okay... I never read Romeo and Juliet and I never saw the movie... I just know they both kill each other. And unless it gives gory details or shows gory details I don't care to read/see it... (I'm not a sadistic lunatic... Why do you say such things?)  
**Shessha's Crazy-** ANTI-BUSH! DOWN WITH BUSH! ::gets carted off by government people and thrown in a dungeon:: Hey! I thought this was a democracy! (What is this tomb again? And how did you steal it? I forgot.)

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN  
**I Don't Lick Frogs

"But... I don't wanna get drunk..." Toboe muttered, being led into the dining room by the rest of the group.

To calm Eclipse down, Yusuke had found a picture of a frog and taped it to the wall. Eclipse had quickly pulled it off and ran away hugging it.

"Come on, Toboe... Think of it as a competition or something," Hiei said.

"I'm not very competitive..."

"Look kid, do you want to go back to--"

"THE FUTURE!" Shadow finished for him from the other room. Hiei glared at no one in particular.

"Well yeah," Toboe answered. "But... isn't there some other way?"

"Not that we know of. If Koenma says you need to get drunk, get drunk. I'm sure it won't take much for you, anyway, being as you're young and scrawny," Yusuke said with a sort of happiness in his voice.

"Is there something appealing to you about being drunk? You sound kind of happy about it," Kiba said.

"It's not very often that somebody orders you to get drunk," Yusuke said dryly. "And," he continued more cheerfully, "even though Koenma didn't include me in the order, I'm doing it anyway so you guys don't feel left out."

"How considerate," Tsume muttered.

Shadow appeared out of nowhere in a white waitress's uniform with an extremely short skirt, balancing a tray of beer bottles in one hand.

"Since Hiei will not let me drink, I shall play the part of a waitress or bar maid or whatever they're called," Shadow said, smiling.

"Now who's dressing skanky?" Tsume asked under his breath. Kiba chuckled. Shadow glared.

"Got a problem?"

"No, no problem," Hiei answered quickly. To the odd looks he got, he explained, "No fighting."

"Sure, whatever," Hige muttered, smirking at Hiei.

"What? Do you like my skimpy waitress's uniform?" Shadow asked.

"HEY! THERE'S THE HOOKER OUTFIT WE WERE LOOKING FOR IN CHAPTER TEN!!!" Eclipse shouted suddenly. Shadow hit her in the side of the head.

"Shut up, Frog-Licker."

"I don't lick frogs..." Eclipse sulked, still clinging to the frog picture Yusuke had gotten for her like a little kid clings to its favorite blankie. Of course, the paper was horribly crinkled now from her hugging it and clinging to it such as she had been and still was.

"And besides, this outfit is reserved solely for occasions like this," Shadow said, her nose in the air and her left hand on her hip.

"What's this occasion? When every guy in the house but Kurama is gonna get drunk?" Eclipse asked.

Shadow gave them a big smile.

"So... Are you hoping that if we all get drunk enough... And you parade around in an extremely short skirt... That maybe you'll lose your virginity tonight?" Yusuke asked.

"Yes, of course," Shadow said sarcastically. "Baka..."

"Hey! You know that's what you're thinking."

"**Hardly.**"

"Well then why the hell would you be wearing something like that?"

"Because I am not ashamed of my body," Shadow said with a mock-insulted/arrogant tone, her nose in the air.

"Well, we're all glad for you," Tsume said dryly.

"Aren't we though?" Kuwabara muttered.

"Shut up, Kuwabara, you know you like it," Hige accused.

"There's only one girl in my heart!" Kuwabara retorted. "And it's not Shadow!"

Shadow went into a horrible coughing fit just then, looking at Hiei, as they both knew who the baka was referring to.

"What's wrong?" Kuwabara asked stupidly. (A/N: Yes, he did find out about Yukina in one of my stories, but I do believe that somebody wiped his memory... Because he also was being groped by a sewer creature when Hiei chased him down the manhole in the street in front of their house.)

"Oh, nothing's wrong, nothing at all," Shadow said in a high-pitched voice, snorting.

"What?!"

"What do you want to bet that when you guys are all drunk, _you_, Kuwabara, will be the one hitting on me the most..." Shadow said.

"YEAH RIGHT!"

"Have a beer!" Shadow ordered suddenly, thrusting a bottle against his chest. Kuwabara grumbled something and Tsume hit him, but nobody else seemed to hear it, and neither did they seem to care.

Shadow passed out the beers.

"I wonder which one of you guys will be the last to drop," Shadow said.

"Me!" Kuwabara said. "I bet I can out-drink the lot of you!"

"Pff. Yeah right, baka," Yusuke said. "You dropped first last time."

Kuwabara glared and started to say something, but he was cut off suddenly.

"Hey wait a second!" Shadow snapped. "How come Yusuke and Kuwabara are allowed to drink but me and Eclipse aren't?"

"Because they're men," Eclipse said. "And men are stupid."

"Well, _Yusuke_ is a man, but that doesn't leave an excuse for Kuwabara..."

"Hey!"

"Well, he's _stupid,_ at least," Hiei offered.

"Yes, but they're the same age as me, and--"

"It's because Hiei will get horribly drunk and you'll need to take care of him," Kiba said. "Simple as that."

"That's not it!" Hiei whined.

"Awww, does Hiei need a wittle girl to take care of him?" Kuwabara said in baby talk. Hiei punched him.

"No."

"AND I'M NOT LITTLE!" Shadow snapped.

"Sure y'aren't..." Yusuke said. Hiei sighed.

"Okay, _you_ are not allowed to get drunk because _you_, for one, will be totally braindead and vulnerable to Youko and his sober mind, and second, you might victimize the rest of us, and third, it'll damage your brain far more than Yusuke's. Happy? Three reasons? Good enough? Hmm? Hmm? Hmmmmmm?" he said.

"Yes, sir..." Shadow said miserably.

"Glad to hear it."

"Hiei!" Kuwabara said suddenly. "I challenge you!"

"Huh?"

"I bet you'll pass out before me!"

"Kuwabara, I'm competitive about everything, as you know, but I prefer to at least have a nearly equal or superior opponent, not somebody that's on a lower level than even Shadow..." Hiei said.

"Ha!" Shadow said triumphantly.

"Oh yeah? I think you're just a coward!" Kuwabara snapped, dropping into the chair across the table from Hiei. "Come on, pansy!"

Hiei sighed. "Whatever..."

"Ready?" Shadow said. "I'm also playing part of referee and coach, did you notice? Okay, ready? Set? GOOOOO!"

Hiei chugged the rest of his bottle in three swallows. Kuwabara finished his slower. Shadow gave them both another one.

"Remember, this isn't how fast you can drink the beer, it's how long you can stay conscious and how many bottles it takes before you pass out," Shadow reminded them. "So don't chug them all, Hiei."

Three beer bottles later, Kuwabara fell out of his chair.

"Hiei wins! Of course!" Shadow said, pulling Hiei's hand into the air. Then she looked down suddenly and stomped on Kuwabara's face.

"Well he's definitely not getting up now..." Eclipse said, staring at the shoe print on his face.

"Why did you do that?" Toboe asked.

"Remember what I said about him hitting on me?"

Koenma came by some time later to check on them. Toboe was out, snoring on the floor. Tsume and Hige were horribly drunk with their arms around each others shoulders, swaying from side to side singing. As he watched, Kiba walked over, swaying drunkenly of course, and threw his arms around the both of them, giving them a big hug which both returned. Then he sat down next to Tsume and joined in their song, his arm around Tsume's shoulder and Tsume's other arm around his. Hiei was nowhere to be seen and Yusuke was sitting on the floor leaning against a traumatized-looking Eclipse.

Kurama had finished his hangover-curing concoction and was leaning in the corner whistling an off-key version of Sobakasu, a bottle of beer in his hand. He was still in his human form. Youko must have been sleeping...

Koenma went to see where Hiei had gotten to. He stepped over Kuwabara and his boot-printed face, ignoring him, and went into the living room to find Hiei leaning against Shadow on the couch, half asleep, a beer in his hand.

"Ah. I believe it may be time to send these guys home," Koenma said. Just then, there were three loud thuds in the other room. Koenma peeked in and saw a pile of unconscious bodies.

"Or... we could wait a bit... I'd rather at least one is awake..."

Youko came ambling into the living room and stood beside Koenma, looking down at Hiei and Shadow.

"Youko!" Hiei said cheerfully.

"I trust that you have another batch of that mixture ready for them to take?"

"Yes I do."

"Good."

"Isn't it though?"

"Well anyway, I don't recall ever telling any of my tantei to get drunk... I really should punish the lot of you."

"I'm not drunk," Youko said.

"I'm not either!" Shadow said.

"You don't count," Koenma replied. Shadow narrowed her eyes.

"And just why not? I'm just as useful as any of these drunken hobos!"

"HOBO!" Eclipse sang out from the other room.

"How do you figure that?" Youko asked. "How many Reikai missions have you solved? How many times have you risked your life for the stupid humans you've never met? Have you ever been injured and/or nearly died? How many demons have _you_ killed?"

"I'm about to kill one right about now. A certain fox-eared demon standing about a foot away from me," Shadow said through clenched teeth. Youko smirked. "I'LL WIPE THAT SMIRK RIGHT OFF YOUR SMIRKING FACE, YOU STUPID FOX!"

"I'd like to see that."

"Yes, well right now I am being used as a pillow, so I'll get you once Hiei passes out..."

"If that's in a minute, will you still carry out that threat?" Youko asked.

"Yes I will."

"Or at least, you'll _attempt to_..."

"SHUT UP!" Shadow moved Hiei and jumped up. "I SHALL BLUDGEON THEE!" She lunged over the back of the couch and tackled Youko. The fox landed on his back with an "oof!"

"You gonna keep smirkin' now, huh Fox?" Shadow asked, pulling at Youko's face. "Go on! Smirk! I dare you!"

Youko was laughing.

"Don't laugh at me, fox face! I'll hit you!"

"You have me pinned. Go ahead," Youko replied. And she did. However, the fox caught her wrist, then her other one, and held them out to her sides.

"Youko..." Koenma warned.

"What? We're just playing," Youko said.

"Yeah, right you are... I have to go back to Reikai, and I don't feel safe leaving you two like this..."

"We're not going to do anything... Shadow's got me pinned to the floor. She's in control, and I don't think that _she's_ gonna rape _me_..." Youko muttered.

"She's not in control! You've got her wrists!"

"Children, stop arguing. If I have any say in this, nothing's going to happen to me that should concern you, Koenma," Shadow said.

Koenma narrowed his eyes. "What if you don't have any say? Looks to me like either one of you could hurt the other... And Youko _has_ had some alcohol..."

"Fine," Shadow said. She stood up and pulled her wrists out of Youko's grip. He got up and stood beside her.

"Happy?" the fox asked.

"... I'll be back as soon as one of the wolves wakes up..." Koenma replied, still looking at them suspiciously. He turned and left.

The second he was gone, Shadow looked up at Youko for a second, then tackled him again.

"You mutt!"

"Mutt?!"

"Koenma is smart! You think he wouldn't know your intentions?" Shadow snapped.

"I haven't got any intentions!" Youko yelped. Shadow held his wrists down, glaring.

"Sure you haven't..."

"_You_ are **on top of me**, _straddling my waist_, holding my wrists against the floor, and you think **_I_** have perverted intentions?"

Shadow blinked, then said with a sudden realization, "I guess this could look kind of wrong, couldn't it...?"

"No, ya think?" Eclipse said from the other room. She couldn't see them, but she'd heard Youko.

"Oh, yes, of course, Eclipse, you'd better stay in there, cuz pretty soon there might be some bad stuff happening in here. Plug your ears," Shadow said with cold sarcasm.

"Back to the matter at hand," Youko said, his voice raised to get Shadow's attention. She looked down at him.

"Yes dear?"

Youko's eyebrows shot up. "Um..."

"You mean that me sitting on you is disturbing you?" she asked.

"Well... If it was, I could just do this..." Youko somehow flipped the entire situation and ended up straddling Shadow, her wrists held above her head.

"You know, some of my old fear of you is returning, Fox..." Shadow said. "Yes. Suddenly remembering why I was scared of you..."

"Why's that?"

"Because you're stronger than me, you're smarter than me, and you're a sex-crazed pervert who long ago chose me as his next victim and has yet to carry out the completion of his victimizationness..."

"What do you think the completion of my victimize-whatever would be?"

"Sex."

"Ah... Well, Shadow, today's you're lucky day," Youko said. Shadow's eyes widened.

"Help me mommy..."

"No, I am not going to mate with you."

"Really?!"

"Yes really."

"Good!!! Wait... What's the catch?"

"All I want is a kiss."

Shadow glared.

"SMOOCH! I wanna see!" Eclipse cried from the other room.

"Don't get your hopes up, Frog Girl! I'm not kissing this fox!"

"Are you sure?" Youko purred seductively. He used one hand to hold Shadow's wrists and plucked at her shirt with the other hand. "I could just rape you."

"RAPE! I don't wanna see that," Eclipse said, horrified.

"Yes, you could, but you won't," Shadow said, ignoring Eclipse.

"Ah, but what makes you so sure of that?" Youko asked, leaning down until their foreheads touched.

"Youko... This is really..."

"Scary?" Eclipse offered. "Or were you going more for 'tempting' or 'seductive' or something along those lines? I mean, you never know with you and your--"

"Butt out, Eclipse!" Youko snapped.

"Yes ma'am," Eclipse muttered.

"You were saying?" the fox asked Shadow.

"Something about being pinned under some guy who's nearly two feet taller than me and about five times stronger can make a girl really nervous, you know?"

"So you were going for 'scary' then," Eclipse said.

"Shut up!" Shadow snapped.

"Yes sir."

"All I'm asking is a kiss, though," Youko said sadly, giving her puppy eyes. Shadow sighed.

"Will you get off me and not show your face around me for a week or so if I do?" she asked, finally surrendering.

"A week after tomorrow."

"... Um... That's fine, I guess," Shadow said cautiously. Youko smiled.

"Very good." He released her wrists and moved so he sat next to her, not on her. Shadow glared at him for a minute before sitting up, then glaring at him some more.

"I'm already regretting agreeing to this."

"You haven't even done anything yet!"

"I know."

"So what is there to regret?"

"Agreeing to it."

Youko gave her a plaintive look. Shadow sighed again before leaning up and putting her arms around his neck.

A five seconds later...

"Gross! Do I see tongues?!"

Youko and Shadow snapped around to see Eclipse sitting there holding Shadow's video camera...

"Oh yeah! Caught in the act!" she said triumphantly.

"ECLIPSE SHINOMORI!" Shadow howled. She jumped up and tore after her friend, who ran away, filming over her shoulder.

"Can't catch me!" Eclipse taunted, running outside and jumping off the porch, clearing the stairs. Shadow tore after her.

"You will die!"

"Oooh, scary! Shadow's gonna kill me!"

"Yes I am, and you had better fear my wrath, little girl," Shadow said coldly. Youko watched in an amused sort of way from the doorway. There was a groan from behind him and Tsume hiccupped, dragging himself into a sitting position.

"Ohhhh..."

At the same time, Koenma appeared out in the yard and was promptly run into by Eclipse.

"AHHHH!"

"Give me that camera back, you-- Oh, hi Koenma!" Shadow said innocently, looking up at him. Koenma snatched the camera from Eclipse's hand.

"What's going on here?"

"Nothing to concern you!" Shadow said, terrified. She jumped for the camera in Koenma's raised hand.

"Oh yeah?" He hit rewind. Defeated, Shadow shrank into a little blob and went oozing back to the porch.

"Why'd he come back?" she asked Youko just as Koenma let out a strangled yelp from where he stood in the yard.

"SHADOW JAGANSHI, WHAT IS THIS? I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WEREN'T GOING TO DO ANYTHING!"

"This is all your fault, you know that?" Shadow accused, tearing open her front door. She ran past the fox and shot up the stairs and into her bedroom to hide from Koenma.

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

**Eh heh heh... It'll end in the next chapter. I know... It's a bit longer than the estimated 12-13 chapters... I never expected this story to be so long.  
**Did you know I have a spiritual connection with some person who gets tortured a lot and I can feel his/her pain? Either that or I have some horrible disease that gives me pains like I've been stabbed... Dull pains, of course, but they're otherwise unexplained. Not really dull, actually, but I'm sure it'd hurt more if I'd really been stabbed, so they're like, slight pains compared with what the psycho who gets tortured may be feeling...


	15. Very Short Ending Chapter

**_THE AUTHORESS... SLEEPS  
BECAUSE WAKING UP AT 8:00 IS BAD  
ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU HAVE TO STAY AWAKE UNTIL 1:30 AM  
SATURDAYS ARE SUGAR-HIGH DAYS!  
Reviews for Chapter Fourteen, I Don't Lick Frogs_**

**kaida13-** I know a little bit about everything that nobody cares about! It's cool to ramble to people about something they don't care about, talking so fast they can't tell you're talking about something they don't care about, then laugh at them when you finish and all they say is, "...Uh... huh..."  
**Celebrindae-** I just had a sudden urge to start singing, but I managed to control it... And I doubt we're talking about the same one unless you're in college?  
**Hedi Dracona-** Thank you. Thank you very much. ::bows::  
**Abanasinia-** DIEST! That's an awesome word! Yay! ::singing:: Diest, diest, diest...  
**Just Another Person-** Wow, long review. Let's see... I forget what Kuwabara said, but I knew what I had in mind when I wrote it... I forget now though. And I intend on drawing that scene where they're all drunk and singing... And feeling other peoples pain is scary...  
**Shessha's Crazy-** ::inches away, trying to hide something behind her:: Don't look at me, see my halo? ::inching away a little quicker::  
**Natsumi-sama-** Ummmmm... I'm talking to Eclipse while writing this and am completely braindead... Not unusual... O.o ::a brick falls on her head:: X.x  
**Kaoru-the-kitsune-** People who survive through all of my stories without going nuts... Wow, that's amazing.  
**Nilkanowen-** Umm... Even though I write these stories, I don't remember what happens in any of them... So if she said that... She probably forgot... Like I did... I'm still talking to Eclipse on the phone, so I keep losing my train of thought...  
**Okami Youkai-** Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... ::clueless:: Eclipse is trying to steal my brain...

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN  
**Very Short Ending Chapter

"Well, I suppose this is good-bye?" Kurama asked, smiling.

"Apparently," Tsume muttered.

"This is a heck of a time to be leaving, you know," Hiei said. "When they're horribly drunk..."

"Weren't you listening?" Koenma snapped. "They have to be in order for the portal to work! They've got that stuff Kurama made, so they can just take that and they'll be fine!"

Tsume and Kiba were conscious (but feeling rather sick), each of them supporting one of the other two wolves. Yusuke and Kuwabara were at Shadow's house, lying on the floor drooling all over themselves, unconscious. Hiei, Kurama, Eclipse, and Shadow were standing with Koenma and the four wolves in Reikai.

Tsume grumbled something.

"You're so kind," Eclipse said dryly to Koenma. He glared. Shadow stared up at them for a second before pulling the duct tape off her mouth (Koenma had put it there after watching the video Eclipse had taken).

"O, think'st thou we shall ever meet again?" she sobbed, hugging Tsume. The white-haired man stared at her.

"Not if I'm lucky."

"Hey!"

"She wants to see you again under more _intimate_ circumstances," Hiei told the wolf. Shadow glared.

"I do not! But... Then again... I can't help wonder... If we _did_ have sex, what would the babies look like?" she said. Tsume's eyes widened.

"Hopefully we'll never find out," Kurama said.

"Jealous?" Shadow asked. "What would the babies look like if me and _Youko_--"

"We _better_ never find out," Hiei said coldly, looking at Kurama as he plastered more duct tape over Shadow's mouth.

"I think it's about time you guys left," Koenma said. "And Shadow, keep your fantasies and wonderings to _yourself_, we don't wanna know."

Shadow pulled the duct tape partially off her mouth. "Jealous much?"

She'd barely gotten the words out when Hiei stuck the tape back to her face. She crossed her arms and sulked, glaring at the lot of them.

"We're going home," Kiba said. "Bye. It was... interesting... meeting all you."

Then, they stepped through the portal and were gone. Eclipse sighed.

"Well, another insane adventure of the Reikai Tantei is coming to an end... Maybe, someday, we'll lead normal lives..." she said, mocking a narrator.

"Ha! Maybe when Hell freezes over," Hiei muttered.

"I'll get right on that!" Shadow said, pulling an ice cube out of her pocket.

"I shall bludgeon thee!" Eclipse shouted, pulling a rubber frog out of her pocket.

"THAT'S MY LINE, DAMMIT!" Shadow snapped. She pelted Eclipse with ice cubes, which were deflected with a rubber frog. However, being a fire demon, not an ice demon, Shadow did not have an endless supply of ice cubes, so she quickly resorted to flinging the contents of Koenma's desk...

"SHADOW JAGANSHI!" he yelled. Shadow and Eclipse froze, the pen Shadow had just chucked falling in mid-flight.

"MAKE A BREAK FOR IT!" Shadow screamed. She tore out of the room, Eclipse close behind, still attempting to bludgeon her with a frog while Shadow snatched things from people's hands to fling at her friend.

"... You think she was joking about that 'normal lives' thing?" Kurama asked, watching them run.

"Yes. I think so. Those two couldn't be normal even _if_ Hell froze over..."

"YOU TWO GET BACK HERE AND CLEAN UP THIS MESS!" Koenma was yelling.

"Bludgeon! Bludgeon! Bludgeon!" Eclipse chanted. Suddenly Shadow spun and pointed at Koenma.

"LET'S BLUDGEON KOENMA!"

"Uh-oh..." Koenma whimpered, watching Shadow pull out Hiei and Kurama action figures from her pockets.

"YOU SHALL BE BLUDGEONED!" she cried. "AND IT WILL BE PAINFUL!"

"YES! WHAT SHE SAID!" Eclipse agreed. They sped towards Koenma.

Two hours later...

"Unhand me, villain!"

"Hey! I'm allergic to vines! Let me go!"

"Hiei! Do something!"

"You got yourself into this, Shadow," Hiei said, leaning against the wall and watching Kurama use some evil viney plant to tie Shadow and Eclipse to chairs.

"Viney plants give you cancer!" Shadow whined.

"Where'd you get that idea?" Kurama asked.

"Dunno. Just made it up. Now UNHAND ME, VILLAIN!"

"Want me to cut off your hands?" Hiei asked.

"No!" Shadow replied quickly. Then she added, "And you don't want to cut off my hands either." She bounced her eyebrows in that suggestive way.

"I don't wanna know," Kurama groaned.

"You don't? I bet Youko does."

"CEASE WITH THE PERVERTEDNESS!" Hiei yelled. "And keep your hands to yourself, you psychos."

"Yes, Your Royaltyness..." Shadow mumbled.

"You got that right!" Hiei retorted. Shadow snorted.

"In your dreams."

"I don't dream about royalties..."

Shadow narrowed her eyes. "What _do_ you dream about? I'm not in your dreams, am I?"

"I recall you asking me the same thing," Kurama said. "Why are you so concerned?"

"I'm not," Shadow answered quickly.

"Yeah I bet..."

"Help me! It's trying to eat out my heart!" Eclipse wailed. They stared.

"Eclipse, it's not even moving..."

"I know. But you guys were ignoring me, so I decided to use an attention-grabbing statement..." she said innocently.

"We weren't ignoring you, Eclipse. You're just a very boring person so we forgot you existed," Shadow said, smiling. Eclipse glared.

"That's it!" She tipped over her chair and somehow managed to scoot over to Shadow, moving like and inch worm. When she reached her, she bit her leg, causing Shadow to kick her in the face.

"Keep your unsanitary mouth to yourself, you psycho!"

Eclipse lay across the room twitching. Shadow tipped over her chair and inched towards her. Hiei and Kurama watched with confusion and interest as the two girls somehow managed to knock each other unconscious with the chairs they were tied to.

"Well, I think it's about time for them to go home as well," Koenma said from the doorway. He had bandages all over him from being bludgeoned with rubber frogs and Hiei and Kurama action figures...

"Of course," Hiei said. "But now they're unconscious and can't be hurting anyone..."

"Just looking at them hurts me," Koenma replied. "Besides, I have work to do."

"Yes, Your Highness," Kurama grumbled. He grabbed the back of Eclipse's chair and dragged her out of the room. Hiei did the same with Shadow, and they were headed home.

**The end.  
Sayonara, sucker. :D**

**"My name is Darth Vader... I am an extra-terrestrial from the planet Vulcan." ::makes Vulcan sign::  
**(Back to the Future. I'm watching it while writing this... Disclaimer: Don't own it, have no affiliation with.)


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